A Woman on the Road

As I finally pressed the “Pay Now” button, it hit me-I was really leaving. I had planned for this moment for so long, but it was always part of some abstract future. Now, it was happening.

After living in Dublin for over a year, I had a one-way ticket out. I would be landing in Budapest on September 17, and the backpacking adventure I had been daydreaming about for months was about to kick off.

I’m no stranger to life on the road. This isn’t some weird humble-brag (although I realize how lucky I am), it’s just how my life has panned out so far. In high school, I was able to visit Greece and Italy through a Latin program, and my dad, an avid surfer for decades, took my family to the British Virgin Islands and Costa Rica in search of perfect waves. During my junior year of college, I hopped on a flight to Dublin for the first time to spend a semester abroad, and managed to squeeze in a few budget trips around Europe.

When I came back to the states, I made it my mission to move abroad after graduation-and my path took me back to Dublin for graduate school. Since then, I’ve traveled whenever my schedule and my bank account would allow, and before moving home, I wanted to take advantage of my status as a free woman. I’m not in school, I can work from my laptop, and I have enough saved to spend a few months exploring. And I don’t have to go it alone-my boyfriend is coming with me.

As a woman who travels frequently, I am used to hearing others’ concerns, and some of the feedback I’ve gotten before this trip is familiar. “Is that city really safe?” “Are you sure that you should be going to _____? “Be careful, I just heard about an incident in _______.”

I try not to complain much-I understand that many Americans don’t have the means or opportunity to travel outside of the states, and the media tends to paint the “outside world” as much more dangerous than it really is. Their comments are coming from a place of love, and I appreciate that I have so many people in my life who genuinely care about my well-being.

My frustration is with the phrase that always seems to soothe their anxiety over my travels: “Don’t worry, my boyfriend will be there.”

Again, I understand why this makes them feel more secure. And honestly, it makes me feel more secure, too. My boyfriend is level-headed, patient, and reliable. He’s a wonderful travel companion, and his presence definitely makes me feel safer.

I just wish it didn’t have to be that way.

Ever since I traveled to Europe the first time and visited Athens, our chaperones instructed all of the girls on the trip to have at least one man in our group whenever we were free to explore on our own. I remember feeling grateful for my male friends who were happy to look out for us, but I also remember being jealous of their freedom.

It became apparent that I would always be moving through the world in a different way-looking back over my shoulder and keeping an eye out for danger, when all I wanted to do was walk forwards.

By now, I’ve been on plenty of trips with only female friends, and thankfully, nothing bad has happened to us. I even took a solo trip to Berlin last summer, and I was perfectly safe the entire time.

However, I would be lying if I said those worries didn’t linger. All my life, I’ve been taught to protect myself, to be on my guard, to remember that the world is not kind to women-especially the ones who step out of bounds. I’m a petite 23-year-old woman standing at 5 foot 4. I’m the furthest thing from intimidating. And frankly, with my lifestyle I really should have a few self-defense tactics in my back pocket, but so far, my only strategy in a hairy situation would be pulling a Forrest Gump and running away as fast as I could.

I want to live in a world where considering that would never be necessary. Where I could just book a ticket without wondering, “But is this country really safe for women?” Where I didn’t have to plan my wardrobe to certain parts of the world around modesty, while my boyfriend could simply wear whatever made him comfortable. Where I didn’t have to listen to friends and family wondering aloud if I should really be spending my life drifting from one country to another and ignoring their safety concerns.

As I said earlier, I do still experience moments of unease when I travel. Are those men just going the same way as me, or am I being followed? Is this outfit appropriate, or am I going to be harassed? Is that guy giving me a friendly smile, or is he leering at me? But the truth is…

I have those thoughts at home, too.

Unless you want to go live in a padded room, you can’t completely escape danger. All you can do is make an effort to keep yourself as safe as possible without sacrificing all of the things that make life worth living.

People worry about me being raped or assaulted when I travel-but I know both men and women back home who are victims of sexual abuse. People worry about me being harassed on the street in a foreign city-but unfortunately, I have experienced more street harassment in my hometown than anywhere else. People worry that I’ll be harmed in a terrorist attack abroad-but the closest of I’ve ever been to such an attack was on 9/11, when I was living in New Jersey.

For now, I try to deal with my occasional anxieties while traveling in a healthy way. I stay in safe neighborhoods, I rarely drink on the road, I pay close attention to my surroundings, and I do my research before I arrive.

I can’t control the way that men treat women, no matter where I am, but I can control my own actions. So I do the best I can, and, well, the rest is up to fate. And maybe that answer won’t satisfy the naysayers, but regardless of where I am in the world, there’s nothing else I can do.

There may be some drawbacks to traveling as a woman, but for me, all of its benefits balance it out. Traveling has helped me become a minimalist and embrace my bare face, to listen to my intuition, to push back at anyone who tells me “No” when I know that I’m capable, to learn about the amazing work that feminists are doing all around the world, and to become more confident in nearly any situation.

So for now, I’ll be making my packing list and letting my mind wander farther than my feet can take me. And when I get on that plane, I may not be prepared for everything the world will throw at me, but I’ve got a good head on my shoulders, and after all of my travels, I trust myself.

Yes, female travelers may have to be more vigilant, but I refuse to let that stop me-I’m too busy becoming the woman I’m meant to be, and she may be tiny, but she’s going to be fearless.