Admit it, ladies, he doesn’t like you
Sorry girls, it’s definitely time to rejoin reality: men are more like us than you think
“Do you think he likes me?” My very pretty, very naive friend asks me, wide eyed with hope. She wants me to say yes, of course he does, and reaffirm the delusion she is living in so she doesn’t have to reflect on her own potential shortcomings (or the fact that he might not be The One). I’ve been hearing about this demigod for well over a year, so I answer a bit more harshly than usual.
“Does he text back?” I ask, bluntly.
Her lips thin and she looks away. “Sometimes. Most of the time.”
“Do you text first all the time?”
Silence. She nods.
“Does he reply every time you message him? Within three working days?”
She looks at me, deflated. “No.”
“He doesn’t like you.” I say, far too coldly. “It’s just science.”
The way to uncode men is simply by reflecting on your own behaviour. Men, miraculously, have brains that are very similar to ours. So similar in fact that you can’t differentiate between a male and female brain on a CAT scan. Most differences are purely socialised, or, more accurately, pseudoscience. Men don’t have feelings, apparently. Men don’t fall in love so deeply, according to the internet. Men have some strange secret code they use when they like us, that no one really understands. All of this is rubbish and we need to get rid of it, both as feminists and as women.
What do you do when an annoying, clingy guy messages you way too much? You don’t reply. Or at least you try to avoid talking to him. You definitely don’t jump up and text him immediately. IT’S THE SAME FOR HIM. If he likes you- unless he’s painfully shy or unable to use a keyboard- he will be so happy to have your attention that he will respond. Obviously if you are texting every single hour like a crazed loon, this doesn’t apply. But he definitely can reply to that message once every three days. If he doesn’t, he isn’t interested.
When you really like a guy, what do you do? Yes, you try and hang out with him, look nice in front of him, talk to him, share his interests, stalk his profile. That’s, amazingly, exactly what guys do too! Miraculous! It’s almost like we are the same species or something. Unless the guy you are besotted with is a Homo Workaholicus, he will definitely have done at least one of the things listed here if he likes you. Wow! Madelaine’s tips are such a breakthrough, you are clearly thinking.
It doesn’t matter if he is a Virgo, a Libra, a Capricorn or a West Ham fan, there is no man on this planet who would not try to get in touch regularly with the girl he liked. What about if he is playing hard to get? He’d still reply to you. And probably like at least one of your pics. No one plays hard to get for over a week. It’s way too tempting to text back. What if he is shy? He still wouldn’t ignore you. When you are shy, you don’t ignore the hot guy with the amazing dark eyes texting you twice a week. Just use logic, bro. Or sis.
If he doesn’t reply within a week on a regular basis, he doesn’t like you. 99% of the time.
What am I getting at?
MEN ARE HUMANS.
I’m tired of trashy dating advice that makes men out to be emotionally devoid aliens. Just treat them like people, not science experiments. You’ll fare so much better.
Now delete his number and unfollow him. You are annoying him and making a fool out of yourself.
