Behind every Wonder Woman you find?

I unashamedly loved the new Wonder Woman movie. Loved it! Ha! It was exciting, action packed and the lead character was confident, intelligent, sassy and beautiful. Not to mention fit as hell with legs that went on forever. Gal Gadot oozed charisma on the screen and played one of the most iconic female superheroes like a boss.

However, perhaps like some others, I did approach the movie with some trepidation. Would it turn out to be another failed attempt at mollifying feminists, stripping the plot and characters of their fun and relatability? Or would it be cheesy and lame with bad gags and a one dimensional leading lady who acted dopey in an unsuccessful attempt to be more sexy. What a revelation it was to see that it was none of those things. It was authentic, fun and delivered on what is demanded of the genre.

And there was one thing even better than seeing the movie. (Which is saying a lot because what is better than geeking out on a superhero movie? Am I right? :) ) The thing that was even better was seeing the reaction on social media and the loads of fans who reasonated with the strong and cool female lead. The public gave the movie a huge bravo and the box office records responded in kind. Awesome.

Which got me to reflecting on female characters in current movies and TV. It goes without saying that there have been approvements in leaps and bounds in the last 10–20 years when it comes to how women are represented in pop culture. Previously there was basically no female roles other than the doe eyed, sweeter that sugar, brighter than a summers day, non-offensive, non-threatening, non-opinionated damsel in distress, that simply swooned with pleasure at a mere glance from the handsome leading man. And you know what? I’m a realist. There are women who are genuinely like that. They are not really women I tend to be friends with and I sometimes uncharitably question whether they are for real or if it is just an act, but there are most certainly women that conform to that archetype. What used to stick in my craw was the monotony of it. There was no other role available it seemed and it got very boring, real quick. Other than the transcendent Carrie Fisher’s portrayal of the rebel warrior Princess Leia in Star Wars, there was basically meh, meh and more meh.

For the feisty, spunky girls who wanted nothing better than to slay and change the world, Hollywood and pop-culture used to provide no more inspiration than a diet of cardboard…or kale. Thankfully those days are long gone.

The modern day leading lady roles are diverse. Even in the superhero genre. We have the smart CEO Pepper Potts who grapples with supporting and also curtailing when needed the activities of Iron Man. We have the modern day Lois Lane who juggled her career and then motherhood with Superman. We have Selina Kyle, bad girl who comes good and provides much needed salvation to the dark minded Batman. And Mary Jane, the vulnerable singer who captured the heart of Spiderman. Like them or hate them, they are all diverse. It no longer seems like the script writers are doing a copy and paste and basically phoning it in when it comes to the character development and dialogue for the female leads.

That’s not to minimize the issues of gender pay gaps and female age discrimination and the inequality in the numbers of each gender hired in Hollywood, but at least we don’t have to deal with the vacuous female leads of old.

And then a thought occurred to me. The big hero guys have their partners, their love interests, that either compliment them or change them as the storyline requires. But what of the heroines? Do they get their relationship status changed on Facebook from ‘Single’ to ‘In a Relationship’? And what do those relationships look like? The more I thought about it, the more I struggled to come up with a character that fit the bill and had a current partner.

There was only one that jumped to mind and that was the super smart, super savvy and composed powerhouse that is Madam Secretary played by Tea Leone. It is beyond a doubt that she is da bomb. She takes world leaders in her stride, deftly averts crisis after crisis and shows compassion and insight when leading her team. And she has a husband. And he is a spunk. The writers have created an easy dynamic between the two which undoubtedly showcases her as the more politically powerful partner saving the world with every new negotiation tactic, but gives us a charismatic, confident and interesting partner who looks natural and likeable in his role as the supporting spouse. It’s kinda cool. I like the show for it’s insights into the world of foreign diplomacy, as much as for the great leading characters. It’s no West Wing, but it’s damn good.

But that female/male combo is not the norm. When I think of the shows that I watch or the movies that I like, I can’t think of another one that has the woman as the hero and the man as the househusband. And why not? Well I guess because it isn’t really a common assignment of roles. I know of two couples whom I am friends with, where I know for sure that the woman is the breadwinner, but that is all. It is really uncommon. Socially I don’t know that we can really get our heads around it. Logically it makes sense of course, but it is so rare it borders on the unreal.

And that makes me sad.

I could start discussing the facts right now. The undeniable statistics that perpetrate these circumstances; gender pay gaps, underrepresentation of females in senior leadership roles, insufficient childcare, lack of female mentors and the list goes on. But I would like to stick right now to discussing the social aspects of this phenomena. The thoughts, values and ideals that run around in our lizard brains and are what writers draw on to create our pop culture shows.

It reminds me of the first time that I cottoned onto the deeply embedded ideas that fashion our collective view of how relationships ‘should ‘ be. I don’t put in this anecdote for either sympathy nor as an example worthy of any note. I really don’t. I put it in just because it is still one of the most bizarre things that I ever experienced and it stayed with me because I know without a shadow of a doubt I should have seen it coming, but I just couldn’t believe it did.

I was young. Very young and very naive. And I had a boyfriend. He was the school captain of an all boys Catholic college and I was a very bright student at a Catholics girls college. I was good at school. My marks were good and I loved to learn. I wasn’t overly stressed as the end of year 12 drew near because I knew I was going to get a top rank. All the signs pointed that way and it was fairly inevitable that I would be able to pick any University course that I wanted. My boyfriend also thought that he would get a top rank and have access to any University course that he wanted. And he wanted to do medicine. He needed a top rank. The results came in. He didn’t the get the top rank and missed by a few places. I did not miss. I got the top rank.

Immediately after the results came in he tried to suggest that I got the result I did, not because of my own talents, but mostly because my school was good and the overall standard pulled me up. Without going into the ins and outs of a very boring grading system, that can sort of happen but mostly, if you are good, you are good. End of story. So no. I got the rank because I had the talent.

The next day I went over to his house to hang out. This had been organised several days before and before the awkward end of school results conversation. I arrived at his place. He was in the backyard with his brother and sister playing football. I say hi. No response. I said hi louder. Still nothing. All three of them continued to ignore me for the next 15 mins while it dawned on me that there was a problem. And that no one was planning on speaking to me ever again. So I left.

That was how I got dumped. The why of getting dumped was because he was competitive, petty and small minded and couldn’t deal with the fact that I was smarter and more successful. It was the first time that I ever realised that outshining your boyfriend could and often did cost you the relationship. So so bizarre. Yet as I said earlier. So predictable. And yet I still can’t get my head around the concept.

Needless to say this wasn’t the last time that I experienced the negative consequences of being more successful, better paid or smarter than the guy I was dating. The rest of the stories are as boring as the first. The sad thing is that I can still see it coming and it still seems incomprehensibly dumb.

I wonder even now as I watch the TV shows and see the movies, how many other girls or young women take it as a given that to out perform your partner is to quickly find yourself without a partner? I know heaps of single women. Single Wonder Women. And quite simply no single men. Other than the ones it seems obvious as to why they are single.

So here is what I want to say to the brilliant people that made the Wonder Woman movie. I loved your movie. It was great and it exceeded all my expectations. Please make a sequel and then another. And at some point in all of that, can Wonder Woman get a boyfriend for keeps? And can it be epic. Not because that is the norm. Not because you are promising happily ever afters. Not because she needs one. Just because it would be great to see more of what it could look like. So that I can imagine and other women can imagine. It would be cool. Thanks.