Do-Overs
If I ask, “What would you change in your life if you could go back in time knowing what you know now?” and if you answer, “I wouldn’t change a thing because if I changed something, I wouldn’t be the person I am now”, I will believe you to be a narcissist or a liar.
Narcissists think they’re perfect just as they are so there is no need or desire to change the past. After all, you can’t improve on perfection.
Many people would lie when asked this question because they don’t want to seem ungrateful for the life they have or they don’t want to throw dirt in the faces of those they love. After all if you made a change, you may not have the spouse or children you have now. You won’t win mother or father of the year awards if you say, “Hell, yeah, I’d go back in time and not have these kids!”
Even if the relationship that created those children was tumultuous or violent, you might say you would still choose the children you have now over a healthy, loving relationship with someone else because you can’t bear the thought of not having the children you have now. Sure you wouldn’t have these kids but that doesn’t mean you don’t love them now or that you wouldn’t love a different set of kids just as much. It just means you prefer to have made other choices concerning the partner who shared your life. It’s not like you are denying your kids or sticking a knife in their hearts to watch them die; you are merely entertaining the possibility of having a different sort of life, hopefully a better one.
If I could have do-overs knowing what I know now, I would definitely make some changes. Sure, I would be different than who I am now, but so what? I’m not perfect. Maybe the changes would make me better or happier. How could I turn down the chance to try?
These are my do-overs:
I would finish college — not allow people and circumstances to drag me away from the education I always wanted.
I would hold on to my English major without worrying about how to make a living with it.
I wouldn’t married at 21 years of age, or even better, I wouldn’t marry (referring to traditional, legal marriage here).
I would keep writing as much as possible, year in and year out. Even during the busiest, most difficult times, I would write.
I would learn another language while still young. Then, live where that language is spoken for at least a month.
I would be braver and travel the world.
I would live in New York City for at least a year.
I wouldn’t waste years and years trying to change people who don’t want to change or help people who don’t want help.
I would realize that simply making a decision or a choice does not mean that decision or choice cannot ever be changed.
I would be better at accepting “what is”.
I would let go more often than hold on.
I would realize we don’t get do-overs and work harder to get it right the first time.
