How Boudoir Helped Me

For generations now, the way women are built has always been objectified. Although the sizes have changed, the way we look at models and then ourselves is still the same. Women can be their own worst enemy when it comes to body image. We are living in a world where, for women, the average sizes are 6–10 but, the media influences us to idolize sizes 00, 0 and 2. These sizes can be insanely hard to reach when you don’t have the proper bone structure (which girls always forget about when thinking about what they look like). Of course, sizing is to do with genetics, your diet etc. Still, it can be extremely hard to control and yet, it’s still the number 1 issue when it comes to women and their self projections.
I myself have had body issues and I still do. I was slightly overweight in the stomach as a child and then throughout high school, I lost most of it. Although I look like I’m healthy, I’m actually very underweight for someone my age/ height. I idolized those models in the magazines, I overlooked their plastic surgery and the photoshop and thought to myself “wow, I want to look like that.” I wanted to get rid of my stomach rolls and gain a thigh gap. Of course, I was too naive to realize that everyone has stomach rolls and that if I had a thigh gap, it would be harder for me to have children in the future. 
But, I’ve been getting better with they way I look, I got my belly button pierced and even got a tattoo on my ribcage. I started wearing more crop tops and shorts that showed off my thighs but, then I would pass a girl who was smaller than me on the street and she would give me a judgemental look like, I had no business wearing what I was wearing. That would bring me back down to wear I was before, a self-loathing girl staring at her belly fat in the mirror. No matter how many Dove Body Ad Campaigns I saw, I still didn’t feel like I belonged in my own skin. Which is a problem most women face. 
But recently, I did a boudoir photoshoot as a favour to a friend and although the idea sounded fun, I was still very uncomfortable. I would be in my bra and underwear getting photographed with no idea of who they were for and the thought of seeing my “flub” made me nauseous. I didn’t have a “beach bod” prepared. But I did it, I was in a safe space and was able to draw the line when I got too uncomfortable. I got through the shoot, saw some of the photos and it was liberating. I all of a sudden didn’t notice the stomach rolls or the scars on my legs from when I tripped as a kid. I saw the artistic side of it all. Every shot was something different. They weren’t sexual, they were natural. These shots weren’t for anyone but me. 
When I get the finished product, I’m going to put them on Facebook not because I want my friends to see me “exposed” but because I want them to see me for who I am. Someone who can and will push herself and take a risk. Someone who put her body image problems away to let herself be free and that helped me become more confident in the way I look.
If you have the opportunity to do a boudoir shoot, I would advise you take it. To see yourself through the eyes of someone else (even if it’s a camera) puts how you see yourself in perspective. That you are beautiful and don’t need the magazines to tell you how you should look.