How I Felt Saying Goodbye This Time.
someone hand me a towel please …
Loving fiercely.
Loving proudly.
Loving with pride.
Owning it.
Ah love,
Is this even allowed? To speak of such love? Do I bore you? With such talk? Do I cause your eyes to roll? Sharing details of happy intense love?
Writing about unrequited love, loneliness, depression, sadness — earns so many claps, deserves praise for rawness, for it’s vulnerability, and is welcomed and embraced.
What of love?
On Medium- analogies, poignant symbolism, on point stories- of feeling unloved, lonely, and of lack of reciprocity- are honored and resonate. These topics are relevant- and we group hug each other in these spaces. Breathing with each other and for each other.
What though of love?
Can we shout from the rooftops and announce our belief of this passion being a real thing? That YES, LOVE CAN EXIST!? That YES, LOVE IS IN ME!? That YES, I LOVE!
I declare love.
Written on a plane returning home…
October 11th, 2017
Dear Guapo,
With responsibilities and demands waiting for us- we wake from dreams; in denial that today we will board airplanes taking us hundreds of miles away from each other for the millionth time.
We closed last night with such an erotic of intimate nights — on a creatively, soulfully, spiritually, and physically connected level. It was an amazing, memorable day and night, as all 5 have been since we reconnected last week.
Moving slowly packing and checking work email, we wish for slumber and fantasize about more hours to delay the ultimate last kiss and hug, the final goodbye, till next time. I’m feeling so, SO VERY BIG this morning Guapo!
You can tell something is up with me. You are concerned am I ok? I appear unhinged. I can assure you absolutely nothing is wrong. I can’t fight back tears of gratitude though, and my sensitivity is shining through. Brace yourself handsome… I’m going to need an embrace or ten, and probably some tears licks too.
I’m ok, but burdens of feeling this much is almost is too much to bear. Not a burden of sadness, only a burden because it’s so big!
Love is light…
-it’s so much love though- how is it possible to feel this much? People write about unhappiness and loneliness. It’s scary to write about love this good, this healthy. Is this even legal? To feel this big and actually reveal it to others? Without fear of judgement or envy? Are we actually allowed to feel this much?
-Vulnerable
Imagine the palest, fairest most naked delicate skin on a black sanded beach under a super hot scorching sun.
One would feel incredibly exposed.
-Vulnerable
Picture a human organ, exposed to light, germs, people, it’s protective skin casing pulled back- when operated on.
Undergoing surgery would seem precariously exposed.
-Vulnerable
Feel how an accidentally beached whale would be desperate for water?
In danger, trying to survive.
-Vulnerable
Dream of stacks and stacks of gorgeous detailed china plates on a main table awaiting servants to put them all away in cupboards in a mansion in the 40’s and a quake starts to rumble in the earth below.
Fragile.
-Vulnerable
Now picture all that and look at me. This is how I feel today.
Our bond is bigger then us. ❤️❤️
I soak in our precious final minutes of our togetherness. This is how very open I am today, to love. I choose love. I feel love. I am love. Our bond is exposed.
Vulnerability — —
To allow myself to walk in this space is deep and courageous showing strength. A protective casing does not exist for my love for you.
I cry fierce tears this morning as you embrace me for the 100th time; not because of being down, nor because of trauma, but because absolutely everything is so glorious, so delicious, so beautiful. I’m going to miss you. A lot.
Our bond is light
Precious
Fragile
Hope
Alive
Open
Exposed
Naked
Strength
Unconditional
Comfort
Trusting
Loose
Unbound
We are love
We are expansion
Till we are together again handsome —💋
Loving you fiercely today corazon.
