How I Finally Stopped Compulsive Eating, From An Ambitious Career-Slayer
Counter-intuitive lessons to stay confident, control your life and be happy
I’m an ambitious type A woman. I pride myself on pushing the limits, getting things done and being successful in whatever I do no matter what it takes.
How come then that I was so unsuccessful at losing weight despite trying so hard?
Not only did I fail for a long time, I also ruined my relationship with food and became a restrictive emotional eater. I ended each day snacking at night and feeling out of control.
When I finally managed to break through, I lost 20 pounds in 6 months and finally felt like my confident ambitious self again.
Through my journey, I realized how I had been sucked into the FOMO world of Instagram “before’s” and “after’s”, how I used food as my default stress coping mechanism and how my perfectionist self-critical tendencies were sabotaging my life.
These are 8 life lessons learnt through my experience of getting healthier, physically and mentally.
1. Set realistic expectations
I’ve always had very high expectations from myself. Failure was never an option. Even success had to be stellar.
So, it was never good enough to lose a little bit of weight — I always had to lose it all and very quickly to boot.
When I didn’t meet my own lofty expectations, I criticized myself and pushed even harder the next time. This led me to diet even harder and I ended up getting into an eat and binge cycle.
I realized only later that the way to success is a long, winding and bumpy road. There are going to be as many ups as downs.
There will be dark days when you regress to your old self, when you question your motivations and wonder if you can ever regain your lost confidence.
That doesn’t mean that I failed — it just means that the path to success is riddled with potholes and I’d have to deal with it.
It means I’d have to be more patient and settle for smaller wins more often than seeking out big wins all the time.
2. Don’t give yourself deadlines
I thrive on deadlines — it keeps me accountable, gives me a goal to chase and gets things done quickly. You too?
Deadlines work only when we are attempting things we already know and are good at. When we are new to something and still learning the basic skills (ahem, like cycling for the first time), it can be hard to meet our own (often stretch) deadlines, which then demotivates us.
Deadlines also encourage doing things last minute because as long as you finish that presentation, it counts right?
But you can’t out train a bad diet or gain back control and confidence after a binge that easily.
Rather than deadlines and goals, doing little daily healthy habits help (for example, eating some protein with each meal).
3. Stop pushing, pull back instead
Here’s a thought — instead of doing more, do less. Instead of pushing yourself to the limit, pull back and relax.
Sleep more instead of working out more. Go for a walk in the park instead of pumping iron in the gym. Or go for a massage. Feed your soul.
Sounds woo-woo but it works because you’ll feel rested and relaxed which will make you more efficient at work, reconnect with your hunger cues and help you make more healthy decisions.
A healthy body can only reside with a healthy mind and soul.
*End of woo woo-ness*
4. Celebrate trying too, not just victories
Ummm, what? I’d never ever celebrated or been appreciated for trying to do something — trying meant nothing if I didn’t win.
This approach “apparently” only works for short term projects where we can push through the discomfort to achieve our goals.
But when it’s as complicated as building a healthy life, we need a personal boost of motivation and energy to keep going through all the ups and especially the downs.
The hardest part? It needs to come from within. There is no external recognition, no praise and no pep talks.
You need to be kind enough to yourself to keep moving forward even on the days that you eat a tub of ice cream for dinner and feel like you blew the entire thing.
5. Put yourself first, and success will follow
You want to have it all? I hear you — I am the same way.
I challenge you to design your life so you can have enough energy and time to eat well and sleep enough by being more efficient at work.
Honestly, I thought this wasn’t possible so I inevitably prioritized my career over my health.
When I finally started putting myself first, I was able to cut down my working hours by 2 hours a day . With the new mindset, I automatically found ways to shorten my work day, while actually getting MORE positive feedback at work than before.
I used the time to get more sleep that I so desperately needed.
What could you do with an additional 2 hours a day?
6. Don’t keep following a plan that doesn’t work.
I probably started the same diet and exercise plan every Monday morning with renewed vigor and energy. Looking back, it’s easy to see my game plan wasn’t working.
Have you been there?
I found that it’s important to be logical — if you’re trying a routine and are not able to keep up with it, it’s not about you. It just doesn’t fit into your lifestyle. So, try to find something that does.
People are different, the same thing doesn’t work for everyone.
Some can eat in moderation while abstaining works for others. For some, it’s just about eating healthier while for others it’s about addressing the root cause of your emotional eating. While you can always find diets that work for some people, it won’t work for all and it might not work for you.
Pick an approach, try it. If it doesn’t work, move on and try something else.
7. Learn from others’ experiences
Success is finding a combination of nutrition, exercise and mindset that works for your personality.
It’s complex with many variables, and you can see accelerated results by learning from others.
I used to follow coaches who got their clients ripped figures, and feel dejected that their plans didn’t work for me. I realize looking back now that you need to screen for mentors very carefully because what works for one person doesn’t work for another.
More than just clientele list or case studies, it’s always better to work with someone who’s been where you are and who you identify with.
Checking out free content from coaches is a great way to understand their personality, perspective and approach.
8. Congratulations, you’re trying to change your life. Be proud!
I always thought that losing weight would be easy — “Why couldn’t I do something as simple as stopping myself from eating a bag of chips? I’d achieved so much yet this was tripping me up? “.
When I realized that I was trying to change life-long habits, I stopped being ashamed and was proud of my decision to revamp my life. I looked forward to getting better each day and developed more patience and self-compassion.
At the end of the day, how you want to live your life comes down to you.
- Happy with how you are and feel? That’s amazing!
- You don’t really hate your body but you just want to improve your eating habits? That’s great too! Let’s do that.
- You know you’re a rock star and that defining yourself by the way your body looks is silly — but you want it nonetheless? That’s okay too! Vain goals are fine, as long as they are healthy and you approach them positively.
Do what will make you a better person today. Do what will make you more confident. Just remember to always back yourself, love yourself and enjoy the process!
