I Regret Your Behaviour

Taryn De Vere
Jul 27, 2017 · 3 min read

Aged 6 and sitting on the kerb

A garbage bag with my clothes in it by my side

I wait for hours in the sun,

Every week.

But he never comes.

Aged 13 I’m wearing a new dress,

“Wanna Fuck?” a strange man screams at me

as he drives by.

Aged 14 I’m with a 16 year old boy

I don’t want to kiss him.

“Are you frigid or something?” he spits angrily.

Aged 15 and a 19 year old man

waits at the school gates for me to come out.

He follows me everywhere I go

He watches me.

Sometimes I come home and he is sitting on my front step

“Poor guy just likes you” the adults in my life say.

Aged 17 I’m on a train.

A man gets on and sits behind me.

I hear him masturbating

There is no one else in the carriage

I feel sick and scared.

Aged 18 I’m in the pub

the first of hundreds of strange men

reach out and grab my breasts or bum

some of them push their erection against me.

Aged 19 I’m walking down the street at night

A group of men pass by,

one of them stops

“I have to tell you, you have the most amazing body” he says

looking me up and down like I exist just for him to stare at.

I try and pretend I’m not scared and uncomfortable.

Aged 20 I’m drunk and I’m at my friends house

he gets into bed with me.

He’s naked.

He pushes me down and holds my head

firmly between his hands

“You like that don’t you?” he says.

He says other things too.

I try and forget them.

I cannot forget his hands gripping me.

I still hate being touched on my head.

Aged 21 and I’m sent home from work for wearing trousers.

“You girls have to wear skirts.” The manager says.

Aged 22 and I’m at a mate’s house.

He’s gay and he’s my best friend.

We’re in bed together, after a night out

when he suddenly pulls my pants down and puts his dick in me.

Aged 23 and I’m in the obstetrician's office

He talks to my partner not me

even though I’m the pregnant person.

Aged 27 and I’m covered in blood

I’m in the hospital

having a miscarriage

The doctor asks me why I’m crying.

He laughs at me

and when I won’t laugh at his joke about me

he gets angry.

Aged 31 I’m telling my friends

what my partner is doing to me

how he is hurting me

They make excuses for him

Tell me to stay.

Aged 37 I’m supporting women

after domestic abuse

the men in my town call me Bitch and Witch

they mount online hate campaigns

to try and stop me helping women.

Aged 38 I am at a dinner party

when a man tries to hug me

he grabs my face and sticks his tongue

in my mouth.

I contact his wife.

“I regret my behaviour” he says.

I regret his behaviour too.

I’m not paid for this piece, if you want you can support my work by shouting me the price of a coffee :) https://ko-fi.com/taryndevere

Find Me Here Also…

Athena Talks

A hub of conversation to help young women mature, budding professionals become leaders and leaders become advocates for equality.

Taryn De Vere

Written by

Joy bringer, writer, mother of 5, parenting coach, performance artist, sex-positive.

Athena Talks

A hub of conversation to help young women mature, budding professionals become leaders and leaders become advocates for equality.

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