Let’s talk about feminism
an invitation to “Athena Talks”
I have countless stories to tell, but let me get straight to my point: To me, women’s rights are human rights. Being a feminist is just another way of saying you are a human being.
Now, I understand the caution with calling yourself a feminist.
Somehow, feminism at some point became synonymous to anti-femininity, radicalism, or even men-hate. Just listen to what this famous journalist Thuy Minh explains why we should “stop fighting for feminism” and you’ll see.
I cannot stress this enough: traditional gender roles affect all of us, men and women alike. If you are a man, please ask yourself these questions:
- Have you ever tried to hide your “secret” interest in cooking, fashion, dance, or some other activity, or at least frowned at those who do, because you were told it made you “gay” or “a girl?”
- Have you ever wondered how to deal with feelings of sadness, hurt, and shame because you were taught to believe that emotions show weakness and that “real men help themselves?”
- Did you know that there are more men who are victims of sexual violence than there are male rapists?
Well, as a woman, even I have experienced first-hand many of these questions above from all the men in my life, and for that, I can’t thank them enough.
A close friend from Vietnam recently broke up with her boyfriend.
I told her to please think of three positive things about herself outside of the relationship, and her immediate answer was: “My family thinks I’m not wife-material;” “no man can handle me;” and “I need to be softer.”
“Let me frame it differently”, I told her. “You are strong, independent, and ambitious. Like what Michael E. Reid said, ‘what you need is not to change, but to find a man who can carry your jewels.’”
Sounds familiar? Like someone you know? I wouldn’t be surprised.
And if you think “it’s because she grows up in Asia”, I beg to differ.
Research has shown time and again, being ambitious and career-driven is associated with negative qualities, like “bossy” or “bitchy” (think Hillary Clinton memes). This is true across the board, even in some of the most widely perceived developed societies or industries.
Even with optimistic estimations, female engineers only account for a quarter of all engineers in most tech companies. One of the reasons is a perceived “capacity gap.” This happens despite the fact that companies with more women and more diversity in general have proven to perform much better financially. According to a McKinsey report, “companies with 3 or more directors make more money 2/3rds of the time.”
In her essay titled “Why do I make less than my male co-stars?”, famous millionaire actress Jennifer Lawrence explored this reality by stating the simple fact: “There was an element of wanting to be liked that influenced my decision to close the deal without a real fight. I didn’t want to seem ‘difficult’ or ‘spoiled.’”
“Okay, so what can I do now?”
If you’ve read until here, I thank YOU. Now that I have your attention, here are a few things I believe you can do to move the needle a little bit.
- Ask yourself: what did I think of feminism? What can it mean to me now? You know my (very vague) definition above. Please share yours here too.
- Consider possible reasons why you personally need feminism. Maybe watch this video from a sex ed activist for inspiration.
- Read more about the different complex issues under the generalized theme here, in this amazing Medium publication. Written by over 70+ authors, the articles in our publication cover a range of topics from women in the workforce, to sexual violence and beauty. We always welcome more contribution.
- We are organizing a series of events this summer in San Francisco, Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City on these feminism-related issues. If you would like to find out more, be involved, or suggest a potential idea/guest speaker/resource, join our Facebook community here, or email us at athenatalks.2016@gmail.com.
Thank you, and Happy Women’s Day.
