Code, Drive, Run, Fight — Whatever it is, Do It #LikeAGirl
“You don’t drive like a girl”
“What do you mean?”
“You are driving fast, right at the speed limit. You overtake, change lanes easily. You don’t seem afraid”
“But that’s how anyone who drives is supposed to drive”
“Yeah, but that’s not how girls drive”
“Of course they do. You just haven’t noticed properly….”
That was the conversation I had with Cyril, a fellow Indian, while driving along 101 South in California nearly a decade ago. He had landed in US a few days ago for an assignment. I had been there for a few years and had offered to drive him home till he could manage his way around.
I sort of knew where that “drive like a girl remark” came from. In India, I had frequently heard my friends/family comment “Oh that must be a woman”, if a driver on the road seemed slow, confused, awkward and therefore perceived incompetent. It would invariably be the men who would say that. The women, sitting along in the vehicle, would either concur through words and/or gestures or through their silence. And any kids, boys or girls who were privy to the comment, would form an impression, perhaps for life, that the slow, confused, awkward, incompetent driver on the road must be a woman. Another stereotype acknowledged, affirmed and accepted, right there! It didn’t even matter that problems on the road are caused more by the “skilled, confident” male drivers than that seemingly weak woman driver.
Perception is a powerful thing. Men are not better drivers than women. Maybe since they are perceived to be better, they feel more confident in their driving and thus appear more competent. The perception that women are weaker drivers negatively affects their performance behind the wheel. What comes first — the stereotype or the perception?
“Drive like a girl” — what does it bring to your mind when you hear it — a suggestion that she is the best? Or the opposite that she is not good enough as a driver? Is it a stereotype? Is it an insult?
The conversation about driving like a girl came back to me when I saw the viral video “Like a Girl”. It is an ad in which a bunch of people are asked to demonstrate “How do girls run?”. The respondents, of different age groups ran with some strange, awkward movement of legs and arms and wobbling heads. Even women intentionally made the most awkward movements trying to show how a girl runs. Every respondent seemed to equate running awkwardly to running like a girl. Then a 10-year-old was asked to do the same — and she ran like her life depended on it. Her answer to “what does it mean to run like a girl” is “It means to runs as fast as you can”. The video won kudos all over the Internet for changing the conversation about what it means to run, throw, fight, play, and do pretty much any activity “like a girl.” But then you want to ponder — when did something like running like a girl become an insult. When does a girl convert from that 10 year old confident runner to someone who thinks running like a girl means running awkwardly. It shows how, over time, we come to evaluate our own performances based on perceptions rather than reality. Perceptions distort reality. Bit by bit, word by word, insidiously seeping into our minds as biases…
Another oft used phrase, often directed at a male to insult him for not being good athlete is to say “You throw like a girl”. Realistically speaking, a successful throw involves a series of actions coordinated among muscle groups. Like bike riding, or skating, painting or public speaking, it can be learnt by anyone — male or female. No one is born with the knowledge of how to ride a bike or throw a ball. Everyone has to learn. But while judging people inept at throwing as “throwing like a girl”, those who throw well seem to have forgotten that if they know how to throw now, it is because they spent time learning at some point long ago. It shouldn’t be hard to fathom that those who are not good at a particular activity, probably never had the incentive, motivation or encouragement to learn that skill or grow in that role.
“Women and Sports in the United States: A Documentary Reader” explains how many girls reach adulthood having missed the chance to learn to throw when that would have been the easiest to do. And as adults they neither have incentive to teach their muscles a new set of skills nor the confidence that the feat is possible.
Iris Marion Young, in her well-known essays “Throwing Like a Girl: A Phenomenology of Feminine Body Comportment Motility and Spatiality” explores differences in feminine and masculine movement while throwing a ball. Young discusses how girls are socialized and conditioned to restrict their body movement and think of their bodies as fragile, which then has repercussions for their confidence in accomplishing tasks and goals later in life.
So then is there a way to make up later for not having learnt to throw (or any other skill)? Of course, there is! All that is required for developing any skill is time for practice — and spending that time requires overcoming the sense of embarrassment and futility that adults often have when attempting something new. While the courage and perseverance to try comes from within, environment matters too. An encouraging culture where it is ok to try, ok to look awkward, to learn, to fail or to succeed and still not be not treated as an anomaly would definitely make things easier. Secondly, more the number of your kind — the ones who try, the ones who are willing to look awkward, the ones who fail, the ones who succeed, the ones who are willing to take a chance — the more there are, the more they inspire others to join in and break stereotypes. There is comfort in numbers. There is acceptability. And there is the inspiration for “I too can”.
As a child, when I first saw a woman drive in my hometown, I had screamed with excitement and awe, “Look Ma, a woman is driving”. My journey from there to that day in California was fraught with many such stereotype-shattering moments. And the comment from my colleague about “driving like a girl” felt both good and bad at the same time. Bad because of the stereotype it promoted. Good, because it meant there are enough number of women who drive so at least no one says “Look, a woman is driving”.
If there were more girls, throwing balls in the playground, running, driving cars, there will be more acceptability. And there would be less “Like a Girl” analogy for something that is not done well. So when someone says “Run like a girl”, what comes to your mind would probably be Flo Jo or PT Usha and not an awkward runner. When someone says, “Fight like a girl”, you’d think of Mary Kom, Sakshi Malik, Geeta Phogat and Babita Phogat, and not damsels-in-perennial distress that the movies portray. When someone says “throw like a girl”, you’d think of Krishna Poonia.
In the workplace, having more and more women working, managing and leading in organizations will make for an encouraging environment for women to make their mark and break stereotypes. When someone says “Lead like a woman”, you’d think of Indira Nooyi, Kiran Mazumdar Shaw, Shikha Sharma and the like. When someone says speak like a woman, you’d think of Michelle Obama, Smriti Irani, Sushma Swaraj, Malala Yousafzai.
Madeline Albright, the first female US Secretary of State who famously blazed the trail for Condolezza Rice and Hillary Clinton, shares said that her young granddaughter once asked her mother, “What was the big deal about Grandma Maddy being the Secretary of State”. Because her granddaughter had only seen women (Albright, Rice, Clinton) holding the position of Secretary of State. That was much different from what Albright had once said “I never dreamed that one day I would become Secretary of State. It’s not that I was being modest; it’s just that I had never seen a Secretary of State in a skirt.”
Images matter. And till the time we reach a stage where women in workplace in general and leadership positions in particular are large in number, the media could do well by not showing stereotyped images of who can do what. A girl does not have to run or throw like a boy to be considered good enough. Femininity is not something to be ashamed of. Genders are different, and difference does not imply weakness.
Here’s to a world where occupations and actions do not get defined by gender. Where it is as normal to drive like a girl as it is to cook like a man.
