Long Hair vs. Short Hair

Above is what my hair looked like this summer after I cut it once again. When I saw this picture, I felt an intense desire to cut it that way again, even though in November when I visitted the hairdresser for the last time I “made a decision” to cut my ends and then grow my hair out for as long as my patience would let me. Well, a few months later I am not so sure about it anymore. I am writing this text at the end of February and I feel that spring is coming, so I want everything to be fresh. Short hair somehow equals fresh for me. After I decided to make a change and to cut my hair visibly for the first time about four years ago, I kept on having these thoughts, I kept on coming back and forth — do I want short hair or do I want to grow back long hair again? I have no idea what I am going to do, so let`s talk about hair even more! I wonder, how many times I will manage to use the word “hair” in this text? Shall I count when I am done? ;-)

When v was about eight or nine, my hair had to be cut really-really short for health reasons, so there was nothing I could do about it. Unfortunately no one asked me how I would like to have my hair cut, so I got a haircut that would probably look cool and edgy on a thirty-year old woman, but looked ridiculous on a child. I hated my hair and I hated the way I looked. I spent about a year wearing a scarf over my head at school and that was awful. There was a boy in my class who had a very simliar haircut to mine, which was not already a typical male haircut and it was not a typical female haircut yet. So, of course, other children made fun of us and our hair, they made me feel really bad about it then.

I wish I were bolder, I wish I could protect myself better then, but I could not, so I had to deal with it. Also, frankly speaking, I am excited today that women are cutting their hair really short and embracing it if that is what they feel like. I think it is essential to do what you think is best for you and no one has the right to judge you for it. Anyway, after the hair drama, I had one desire only — to grow my hair as long as I could. I spent years and years cutting my hair much more rarely than I should have and dreaming of having long beautiful hair. At some point I stopped paying attention and then one day I had really long hair. Woah, finally!

This is what my hair looked like when I was sixteen years old. That is me in New York, trying on clothes I would not buy, but enjoyed wearing and taking pictures of, and that is my hair. Those times were good. I enjoyed my hair and so did everyone else. I received compliments all the time and it seemed like I could finally relax. Naturally, there were other reasons to be anxious, but that is a whole other story. It is interesting that even earlier, when I was still at school, I started thinking of cutting my hair short, of having a short bob. I thought about it, I imagined myself that way, I even hid my hair to see what it could possibly be like, but whenever I shared this intention wth anyone, I received a very negative reaction. People tried to prove to me that my hair had to remain long, because it looked so good, and I believed them for some reason. I suppose, I was very insecure due to the previous hair-related issues, so I did not dare to risk. I spent a few more years having very long hair that impressed everyone and kind of made me feel a little bit more confident about myself. Also I liked maxi skirts and animal printed pieces back then.

When I started University many things changed, including my own view of myself and my attitude. I got back to an idea of cutting my hair. However, it took me two years of thinking to actually make the decision and cut it. I remember that day very well. I met a friend of mine after our classes and we went to a hair salon together. It is crazy, but I cut about twenty or thirty centimeters, which seemed like a huge step, but the difference was not that big, because my hair was almost eighty centimeters long. It was definitely visible, but it was still relatively long. I was satisfied, it felt really good. I remember feeling that I was afraid less and that I was capable of more. We celebrated my haircut by eating our favourite food — sushi afterwards. It was a great day!

When I started University many things changed, including my own view of myself and my attitude. I got back to an idea of cutting my hair. However, it took me two years of thinking to actually make the decision and cut it. I remember that day very well. I met a friend of mine after our classes and we went to a hair salon together. It is crazy, but I cut about twenty or thirty centimeters, which seemed like a huge step, but the difference was not that big, because my hair was almost eighty centimeters long. It was definitely visible, but it was still relatively long. I was satisfied, it felt really good. I remember feeling that I was afraid less and that I was capable of more. We celebrated my haircut by eating our favourite food — sushi afterwards. It was a great day!

About eight months later I cut it much shorter and I got the length that I have been dreaming of. I remember clearly how people around me tried to persuade me again that my hair was “my thing” that made me stand out, so if I cut it, I would loose it. At first, it freaked me out, but then it made me mad. I started thinking — excuse me, are you saying that the only special thing about me is my hair? Something I was just lucky to receive with my genes, but something I could loose any day for any imaginable reason. Of course, I asked myself — what if I will look really-really ugly if I do risk and cut my hair short? And then, I got furious that I let others influence myself so much again and I just went for it. I felt free, excited and extremely happy on the day when I did it, and you can see it on my face on the picture below. I was thrilled!

By the way, I could not believe my ears, when I heard Jemime Kirke discuss the very same thing. Watch this video with her being interviewed to find out more. It is crazy, but people around me (friends and family, as well as those whom I am not close with) keep on asking, when I am going to let my hair grow long again, because “it was gorgeous”. However, why does it matter, if I love it the way it is now? It does not! Exactly! Even though I would lie if I said that I did not like it being long either. U-u-u-ugh!

Having shorter hair is extremely convenient and so easy! Fine, it is not always that easy, but it definitely takes less time to take care of than when you have almost a meter of have to deal with. Also it makes you feel more energized. I have been fond of having this haircut and it seems like the most natural thing to keep on cutting it from time to time, but then I wonder — what if I will never be able to grow my hair long again? What if now is the chance to do it one more time and then I could have it short for the rest of my life? As a result, I get confused and I cannot decide, what I want to do more. Apart from that, there is the whole process of growing your hair out. Right now mine is somewhere in the middle between short hair and regular hair, so it looks weird and it makes me uncomfortable. Every day I look at it, I think how much I want it to either become really long already or to cut it right now.

What am I going to decide? I have no idea! For now I am just trying to be patient and to take my time. Finally, the irritating thing is that i cut my hair a few years ago and then every second person cut it that way too, so it sometimes seems like everyone looks pretty much the same now, and I hate it too. I have never done anything in order to stand out on purpose, but I have never liked being like anyone else either. To me individuality is essential, and you are not an individual, if you do what everyone else is doing and if you make the same choice as the others. Frankly speaking, I find it peculiar how big a role of a haircut might be. What about you? What are your thoughts and feelings about hair? Tell me! I am curious.

P.S. One thing I have never done and plan to never do is dyeing my hair. I have always thought that natural hair colour looks much-much better than any kind of dyed hair. I realize that I might change my mind when I become older, but now I plan to embrace grey hair whenever it comes and let it grow that way. Also, maybe that will be the time to try and grow it re-e-eally long, ha! You never know :)

P.S. 2 On the picture below is my hair right now, and let me tell you — yes, it was a lot of fun writing an article about my hair! YES!


Originally published at whatbeingtwentyislike.blogspot.com on February 24, 2017.