Men, Stop Acting As If You Know Better
Disclaimer: this is going to be an emotional post, because the writer is under a very intense impression today.
If you are a woman, you know what it is like to talk to a man and to get this bossy attitude back, which says “I know better than you do, woman, so listen to what I have to say and do whatever I tell you to do, because you are incapable of thinking, analyzing and making your own decisions”. If you are a man, I suggest to just read and think, whether you are guilty of similliar behaviour, and if yes, believe me, it is time to rethink the concept of your communication with women. If you are a woman, and you realize that you are guilty of it too, do the same thing.
People can be divided into two groups. The first group is excited about young people and is curious to find out what they have to say. The second one cannot wait to teach young people and is judgmental about whatever they have to say. When it comes to young women, in particular, things get much more intense and much more complicated. I do not want to exaggerate, but it feels like every day is a fight; every day you are supposed to prove again and again that you are a decent human being who deserves respect. Somehow this is not an obvious thing. HOW? WHY?!
Let me give you some context. It was snowing today, it was snowing a fucking lot, and I was not feeling well, so I decided to take a taxi from home to work. One could see it as wasting money, whereas I see it as a way to take care of myself. Again, this is a perfect example of why every person must work and then be free to choose how to spend what one has earned. So, I have just got dressed and left home, the taxi was standing next to the entrance to my building and I jumped into the car. What did I hear when I got there? There was no “good afternoon” or anything (some people find that being polite is not necessary anymore), but there was a reproach instead. Wait what? I am paying for a taxi, and a taxi driver thinks that he can be rude to me? He sure does. And guess what, if I were a middle-aged man, he would have never done it, because he would have been uncomfortable or afraid, basically too insecure to do it, but I am a 22-year old woman, so it is perfectly fine from his point of view. Go for it, mister. Give me a story to tell afterwards.
To make a long story short, he told me in a very rude manner that I should have shaken off the snow from my shoes before getting into his car. Let me tell you, this sounds like a sane idea, BUT the way he said it was an issue. Also, excuse me, but it is the end of November and it snows, so…expecting that you car could remain perfectly clean while you drive people around and they pay you for it, is just ridiculous. Yes, things get dirty, when you use them. Yes, one has to make an effort to clean it, and it is fine too. Later he started telling me that he has already told his wife to do the same thing on numerous occasions, and now he is tired of it, so she will have to walk, because he won`t let her get in his car. UHM, OK…
Fastforward to the afternoon of the very same day. My boss and I are waiting for another taxi driver to deliver a package. We are short of time and he is in no rush, but there is snow outside, so we are patient and understandable. We wait for about an hour, so my boss calls him and what she hears back is a long list of complaints about the weather, the roads and him being tired of driving to where we are…I do not think that you are stupid, because I do not know, so you do remember that he is a taxi driver and that is how he earns his living, right? Right!
My boss talks to him on the phone again and again, but he cannot find our building. He has a map and a GPS, but he still can`t. At some poit he says that he is almost there, so I go downstairs to meet him and pick up the parcel. As I leave the building, I call him and ask him where he is, his response is “this girlfriend of yours could not have explained worse where you are, so where are you? what do you see around yourself?”. OH, WOW, OK!
This man I have to deal with is sure that the problem is not him not being able to do his job well, but the problem is my boss, a woman, who should have explained better. Disclaimer — when you are stupid, it does not matter how good the explanations are, because you won`t get them. He makes me mad and I cannot wait to receive what I am looking for and never talk to him again. After 10 minutes of waiting outside, he finally arrives and..again, there is no “good afternoon”. He gets to lecturing me right away. “You should have told me this, you should have told me that”. I pay, I say “thank you” and I go away. As I am walking, I can hear his rude words getting out of his mouth, but I do not want to bother.
The day is coming to an end and I need to send a parcel via FedEx tomorrow. I contact a manager, a woman, whom I adore, because she is always polite and helpful. Sometimes I just want to hug her out of gratitude. There is courier, who is my favourite, and I hate the days when he cannot come. Tomorrow is one of those days, so another courier contacts me. Guess fucking what? He starts his conversation by lecturing me and telling me that he cannot understand where the building, and it is so due to the lack of information I have provided. You could say that the guy was doing his job, but he has a full adress and he is at the office, where he can use a computer and open Google Maps. It is that simple, but instead he chooses to call me and to tell me that I am bad at explaining things. OK, man.
As we move on, it turns out that he does not think he will have time to pick up the parcel tomorrow (the manager has already confirmed, that he is coming, but the man is busy, so you know… I can just wait, my boss` business can wait etc etc). He suggest coming right now and picking up the parcel today. I wish it was possible, because it would be so convenient for me, but it is not — our printer is not working, so I will have to go to a print center tomorrow to print all the documents that accompany the shipment. I tell him that documents are not printed and will only be available tomorrow, and what he says back outrages me — “Well, why don`t you just print the documents now? For your information, you will have more than enough time to do it while I get to where you are”….and this is the moment when I loose it.
OH, WOW, REALLY? So you think that if I could print the documents now, I would not have done it? You think that you know better? You think that I could not have thought about it myself? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU or what the hell do you think is wrong with me? GOSH! I tried to be decent in the previous cases, but this one was just too much. Very unfortunately, as soon as I got my tough voice and told him what I thought, he changed the intonation and had no complaints whatsoever.
Therefore, I would like to ask the question, that has been torturing me for a very long time, — when will men stop acting as if they know better, as if they are better? When will they get rid of this attitude towards girls and women? I have no idea. Rude assholes are everywhere, but it only means one thing — speaking up, not freaking or feeling uncomfortable, but speaking up and defending yourself, letting those creatures know that you have both a head and a voice, and you are capable of using them!
UGH! I am furious today. WOMEN, I love you. Please, let`s stop accepting this kind of attitude and behaviour. Let`s show them what we`ve got!
