“I don’t know why she doesn’t like me. I think it’s because I get along better than she does with our male manager.”

Explaining the dynamics of her workplace, my friend Janet felt that there was no question that she was doing well performance-wise. She was staffed on challenging and highly visible projects, and received only positive feedback from her manager. But, there was one aspect that was troubling her.

She felt that the women in her workplace didn’t like her.

I was surprised to learn this because I used to work with Janet at my previous company. She’s not only smart and a go getter, but also extremely personable. I assumed she’d have hit it off right away with her coworkers. I found it even more intriguing that she got along with her male coworkers just fine, but seemed to have trouble connecting with her female coworkers.

Madeline Albright declared that there is a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.

In many industries, a gender gap continues to exist between male and female workers. Because this is a reality for many women, some women may, rightly or wrongly, perceive that they are competing for a smaller share of the pie. They may then view their female coworkers much more competitively than they view their male coworkers, and be less inclined to lend a hand. While I won’t get into the reasons for why the gender gap exists as it has been explored extensively, I do want to explore what we women can do when faced with such a dilemma.

1. Focus on female relationships first: While it is important to bond with your entire team, especially when entering a new work place, make a concerted effort to get your bearings with the women first. Make it obvious that your relationships with them are a top priority in order to reduce the subconscious threat that women may feel towards you. For example, in Janet’s situation, when she first transferred into her new role at Samsung, she could have set aside sometime to ask a few women on the team out to a 1:1 lunch while also making an effort to attend some co-ed happy hours with the team after work. By doing this, Janet displays that she’s genuinely interested in getting to know her female colleagues, likely making them much more inclined to have her back in the future.
2. Publicly compliment your female coworkers. Especially when it relates to their work, give women on your team credit. So often women aren’t sufficiently acknowledged for their contributions, and public praise helps establish rapport. For example, in Janet’s situation, she could have reduced the perceived competitive threat by attributing some of her success to other female team members. She could have said, “Alison really did a thorough and excellent analysis on this project. We couldn’t have done it without her!” It means more to them than you know, and they will most likely repay the favor.
3. Proactively find a female mentee: Recognize the reality of the gender gap and actively find a junior female team member to take under your wing. Demonstrate publicly that you’re actively looking to mentor, and other people will catch on. I believe in a pay it forward model, and your efforts will help create a culture of “women helping women.” Your own mentee will be grateful and will likely pay it forward as she climbs the ranks.
4. Identify a female role model: Your chance of success increases when you are able to identify a more senior female role model who exemplifies the professional you’d like to become. Once you’ve identified this individual, be proactive in making her your mentor. No need to ask her formally to be your mentor. Just ask her to lunch or coffee, find out more about how she has been able to achieve success (however you define it), and ask her for tips on what you can do now to achieve the same. People are delighted to talk about themselves, and even more so to share their wisdom with a younger version of themselves.

It is unfortunate that the gender gap exists and it’s also unfortunate that, as a result, many women perceive each other as a threat rather than as part of a team. While I am confident that our society will eventually grow to support work environments that are fair for both men and women, we can help that mission along by supporting and celebrating our female colleagues.