On Gender Roles & Female Entitlement

A lot of women talk the talk about wanting to be considered equal, and but how ready are you to walk the walk? The first step to disintegrating gender roles and stereotypes is letting go of all the advantages and perks that come with being a woman.

Disintegrating gender enforced stereotypes, especially those that favor us, teaches society that feminism also empowers men, not just women.

That entitled feeling that there are some things a man must do because you are the female is hypocritical. I am certainly guilty of it too because that is how our minds have been conditioned; but I am consciously breaking out of thinking that way because unfortunately, you cannot only be equal when it suits you. In a relationship, there will always be a see-saw struggle for balance, but as long as both parties always approach each other with respect, gratitude and acknowledgment of what each is bringing to the table, and no automated expectations, there is a greater chance of achieving that balance.

The other day, a woman admonished the men in a classroom who did not give up their seats to a fellow female student when she arrived late for lecture, claiming men of nowadays are not raised to respect women. I do agree that a lot of men aren’t respectful of women; but I do not agree that it necessarily applies in this instance. I am an advocate of equal rights for men and women and that cannot only apply when convenient to a woman. It is automatic for us to think the “gentlemanly” thing to do is to give up a seat. But in that same vein, women have fought for years against the “ladylike” expectations which are often no more than sexist and misogynistic rules and roles. Unless the woman was old, ill or heavily pregnant or had reason to NEED to sit, (in which case it is the responsibility of BOTH the female or male students in that room to kindly offer their seat), there is no reason for a man to look upon a female as a weaker sex who he needs to offer his chair to, because that reinforces gender stereotypes.

My husband and I are fortunate enough to be in a position to afford household staff, and that has probably allowed us to avoid 50% of the arguments that we could have definitely been having. This past week however, our cook and steward had to go away on a family emergency, and we suddenly found ourselves left to our own devices. I unconsciously stepped into the role immediately and took the reigns with making sure our house was still running smoothly because 1. I am my mother’s child, I cannot stand a filthy house 2. I do not believe in being dependent on domestic staff, easy come easy go 3. My husband has NO idea how to cook.

So I found myself juggling work and cooking and cleaning up. My husband, bless his heart is not sexist in any way and does not expect me to cook or clean but while he has his strengths in other departments of running the home, he is absolutely helpless in that of cooking and cleaning, and is very much used to always having staff picking up after him, so although he makes an effort it is very easy to see that he certainly did not sign up for cleaning and he doesn’t know a kettle from a pot.

By Monday night, exhausted (yes im slightly spoiled too) I turned to him and said “Forget all that talk of moving out of Nigeria, I certainly will not move anywhere with you unless we can afford the same level of staff, because I can see that you are no help around the house. Imagine this plus kids, I’ll be so angry and tired all the time!!!” I think it was then he realized the house wasn’t magically cleaning itself. That night he cleaned up the entire kitchen after dinner while I lay in bed watching my favorite TV show.

My point is, women need to stop reinforcing gender roles if you want to be considered as an equal partner in your home. It is not my job to do anything and it is not my husbands job to do anything. He may make more money than I do (FOR NOW) but I do not look on our expenses as his sole responsibility and I chip in without being asked and sort things out that are within my means to, this way we both avoid feelings of entitlement or resentment.

We are discredited when we bemoan the unfair treatment of our gender, but turn around and place unfair expectations on men based on theirs. The more we hang on to that sense of entitlement, the more we empower them to keep us locked up in gender roles.