One good reason NOT to have kids
Having kids is a state of never-ending worry. And what can ruin your happiness more than constant concern?
The problem with becoming a parent isn’t about your further inability to sleep late on Sunday. Or the fact that you won’t have money to travel as much as you want. These small luxuries seem quite ridiculous from a parent’s point of view.
“It’s never the right time to have kids. Whenever you give birth, you’ve made a mistake… There are no wonderful kids, there are only problems… Kids are both unconditional love and a life sentence“, says charming Croatian writer Vedrana Rudan.
Why do we have kids anyway?
Every existing species on earth procreates. You are born, you reproduce, you die as a part of the cycle of life. Writing or gardening or yoga is just a need of a conscious being to find some meaning and comfort, to make sense of unease and chaos around oneself. So, having kids is a man’s biological role.
Also, kids aren’t supposed to fill a hole in your soul. They are not your means to find happiness. You are not their creator but a sculptor — it’s hard to make whatever you want from stone. Once a baby is born, it is already a semi-finished product. You have to be very adroit to instill your set of values. In the end who knows what will become of it when it grows up?
Don’t worry, you’ll always have something to worry about
There is a saying in the Balkans:
“A small child is a small worry. A big child is a great worry.“
Some parents with older children tell me that this is true, others disapprove.
The thing with having kids is that you start fretting about your child before it is even born:
“Is everything going to be ok with it?“
I took parenting apprehension to the next level when I asked myself if I was going to be a good enough parent (What percentage of mankind deals with this question anyway?)
When the baby is born, the concern about its wellbeing starts and seems to never end. It’s just the cause of your headache that constantly changes: colics, teething, tantrums, health, nourishment, psychological development, social environment, grades, broken heart, sex, university, job, money, their partner (admit it), debt, their children’s health and happiness, and then you’re ready to die.
My kids are not even four. We haven’t reached school and puberty yet, but I feel as if I had already aged more than 10 years. Trust me, we had some serious worries.
Kids change your perspective
I totally respect the decision not to have children. I was toying with the idea myself.
Would it be better if I had decided not to have them? No.
Before I became a mother, I saw life as a series of battles I had to fight, opportunities one could not miss, and aims to run after. Now that I have them… Yes, they are often tiring and ungrateful but who else would I rather invest my energy into? They are my center of gravity. Children are not what you should live for but what you should worry about. I haven’t found a more valuable object of worry. Nor is there a more satisfying one if you don’t lose yourself in it.
Hello, I’m Maria, a Serbian translator who has just finished her children’s book. This is my website: