When God Gives You Boys
When I heard the words “it’s a boy”, as a first time mom, I had no idea what I was going to do but I soon figured out that I’m going to run with it, literally.
Boys require lots of activity, movement and excitement…. LOTS. This is something I found out I require too. Through having two boys of my own I discovered myself. We all have masculine and feminine sides to our spirit and this brought out my adventurous side. They push me, without conscious awareness, to live. Live a life that I ordinarily wouldn’t have and hadn’t had up until they were placed in my care. Things I’ve done since having boys that I never would have before they inspired me:
1) downhill biking, albeit slow and with the grace of someone coming out of anesthetic, I have done it.
2) snowboarding, WHO takes up snowboarding at 32 years old. Me, that’s who. Am I good? Absolutely not but the beer is always cold.
3) hockey, watching them play and having so much fun, I wanted in. Thankfully, there is a local team that was willing to overlook my initiation skills and has been my home ever since. We watch each other grow in ability and in life. Having a team is something that no one should be denied, young or old.
4) be brave. I’ve looked a tiger in the eye and didn’t back down. Ok, so the tiger was a grade 5 picking on my grade 1, but still…..he never did it again. Please don’t picture the scene from “This is 40" when the mom confronts the boy who is “bullying” her daughter because that would be almost too accurate for the image I’m wanting to put out here.
After 13 years of observing this amazing gender I have this advice to share. As a mom, it’s our job to crack them, to open them up. If we don’t, they will bottle it all up until you look at them across the table and think “who is this kid??”. The best time for this undercover behavior is at bedtime. In your head, plan their bedtime for a half hour after you tell them their bedtime is. This gives the illusion, as you lay across the bed to tuck them in, that they are getting to stay up. They like winning, this will feel like a win but you will know that the win is actually yours when they will tell you anything to keep you there 5 minutes longer. The things I have learned doing this have been heartbreaking or hilarious, and everything in between. You both win, it’s a special feeling to be so connected to someone. During these times, I feel like we have a bond that could never be broken.
Another thing, if you need to have a serious talk or there are issues to be addressed, do this while moving or you’ll want to rip your hair out watching them fiddle and distract themselves. It is literally impossible to have a discussion across a table about a serious matter and have their full attention. Try, but recognize defeat, then take to foot. Take them for a walk. Movement allows for processing, retention and exerts the distracting energy into productivity. A solo walk also lets them know that they have your full attention, that this matter is serious enough for you to put everything on hold and to see them. Don’t bring your phone, bring your dog.
Lastly (for now), be honest. Kids can handle it. If they see you trying to be perfect, how badly they will feel about themselves when they figure out that they are not.
