Who Are You Becoming?

I tend to get fixated on outcomes. I think once I’ve achieved one of my goals, my life will be tied up in a nice, neat little package and then…I’m not really sure. It’s never actually happened that way.

New aspirations generate at an incredible rate. Where one goal seems like it’s about to be reached, its grip on me near its end, new ambitions and desires are born. There’s no celebration of achievement, no line in the sand where I can say, “I did it!”

When outcomes are so nebulous, so momentary, it seems pointless to objectify them. What is tangible is I have been becoming my entire life, without much thought to who I was becoming. It never crossed my mind to be concerned about that part of my evolution. Now it seems ridiculous I paid no attention — it’s the most important part!

It’s the process of reaching fleeting, ever-changing goals that matters. It creates me.

It’s waking up in the middle of the night out of sheer terror because I can’t believe what I signed up for.

It’s overcoming the intense, almost debilitating fear that I’ll never achieve anything worthwhile.

It’s staring at a blank page and having a crisis all alone and drinking way too much coffee and starting anyway.

It’s pushing forward even if I’m on my hands and knees crawling.

It’s my son watching me as I handle disappointment and failure. And as I take on new projects with joy and forget all the setbacks.

The thoughts that occupy my mind, the emotions I experience each day, my attitude, the people I am surrounded by — these are all parts and pieces of who I am becoming. This is what I should be aware of, this should be my focus.

What don’t I like? What can I change? How can I become closer to my ideal self?

Anything I achieve is momentary. Who I am right now, as I’m writing this sentence is transitory. I am perpetually becoming. One conversation, one thought, one hug, one look will change me.

Who am I becoming? Who are you becoming?

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