Why do we hold white men to such a low standard?
As a society we have created a limitless mayhem where white men are held to an unfathomably low moral, emotional, social, political & psychological standard and it’s resulting in widespread destruction.
I recently read the article “What We Lose When We Give Awards to Men Like Casey Affleck” by SADY DOYLE. It was probably one of the best articles I have read in a while, I mean just read this:
“By endlessly forgiving abusive men, we tell women that the abuse they suffer is less important than some guy’s right to get his point of view across.”
And after reading that article, this problem has been etched to the back of my mind. It’s like I’ve put on a pair of snapchat glasses but instead of seeing a reality filled with dog-eared-rainbow-puking-beautifying filters, I see a reality where white men are constantly coddled, almost always at the expense of someone else.
Why is that?
Do we (as a society) not teach boys to become grown-up men? Do we not put enormous pressure on them to become better, faster & stronger than their ancestors? Isn’t that what we do? We tell them to grow into their fathers, take care of their family and respect their values. We tell them they need to become firefighters, police officers & husbands. Then how the fuck is it that we keep getting these child-like men (with small hands) who have no control over the actions, inhibitions and throw tantrums like the stereotypical psychology case of a three-year-old?
I mean, where are we as a society miss-stepping?
We teach our girls to become grown-up women. We put enormous pressure on them to become more beautiful, skinnier & smarter than their ancestors. That’s what we do. We tell our girls to grow into their mothers, and take care of their family and respect their values. We tell them they need to become nurses, teachers & wives. And we keep getting these powerful fuck-you-kind-of-attitude women who have full control over their actions, inhibitions and take care of grown-up men when they throw their tantrums because we recognise the behaviour from how young children behave.
I mean, are we as a society miss-stepping?
Or are we just now raising the bar for how white men should behave, and maybe they haven’t been taught how because we keep telling them “boys will be boys?” — not men. But at the same time, society isn’t telling girls to stand up for themselves, to fight for their right and to crush the patriarch. No, society does none of that.
Women do.
My best friends, my mother, my sisters, my aunts, my grandmothers, my colleagues, other women. They tell me to stand up for my rights, they highlight the injustice in society, they tell me to read books, they spread knowledge, they spread courage, they spread power — against the society we are part of and create.
When will men start taking responsibility for other men?
When will boys become men; men who take responsibility for their actions and their behaviours and don’t blame every possible person surrounding them for their behaviour? When will they start taking actions towards other people’s benefits at the expense of their own? When will they become collectively involved in the development of a society where not only white privileged men are taken care of, but also everyone else on the spectrum of human?
Call me bitter, tell me that not all men are like this and tell me that I am probably just a lesbian, in need of a man. Please tell me that because I am loaded with arguments and tired of being silenced.
In Sweden, 80% of all crimes committed are committed by men. 97% of all sexual assaults were done by men. 96% of all homicide perpetrators world-wide are men. How is that not spoken about more often? I know it may hurt, and it may seem scary but it’s true. It’s facts. It doesn’t have to do with race, ethnicity or background. It has to do with gender. And that gender is male. Man is the common denominator here.
Or rather, boys.
Because how can a fully developed human rape and assault another human? And how come not all humans do? Are we not after all — the same? Human as human. Apparently not. Maybe the whole idea of girls developing faster than boys stays with us for the rest of our lives. And that’s when it gets scary because then our society is not run by fully-developed men, but rather by boys in the bodies of men.
Boys who were never taught to be men. Boys who are not ready for the responsibility that comes with taking care of a whole society — they’ve barely been taught to take care of a family, how can they be prepared to take care of 7 billion humans? It’s similar to asking a small child to carry heavy luggage, it’s not possible because the burden is too heavy and the child lays down and cries.
The problem is society tells boys not to cry — so what do they do?
They throw tantrums. Tantrums testing the limits (just like children around the age of 7) of society. It starts with a few hits and pokes (“if he’s mean to you, it means he likes you”), it grows into snapping and pulling of bra-straps (so we make sure girls cover them), it spreads to cat-calling in the streets (“take it as a compliment”), it continues as touching of body parts (“she wanted it”), as uninvited conversation (“you do want to talk to me, don’t you?”), as pushing and shoving behind closed doors (“she deserved it”), as silencing and dominating (“she didn’t say no”).
There are no limit as to how far we let white men go.
So he rapes.
He shoots.
He kills.
Because he’s testing the limits of a limitless society, like a child testing the boundaries of a parent at the age of 7.
Because boys will be boys.
And of course, it’s not all men. To quote Aranya Johar, “This isn’t an all-men thing, I know. Trust me I do, but the men I can trust are only a few.”
I am privileged to be surrounded by men. Men who listen to my voice, men who value my work, men who respect my opinion. Men who step aside to let me shine and men who glow with pride when I succeed.
My best friends, my father, my brothers, my uncles, my grandfathers, my colleagues. They tell me to stand up for my rights, they highlight the injustice in society and they tell me to never stop fighting. They step aside and give way, they buckle up and they listen — always ready to learn.
Unfortunately, I am in a minority to be so luckily surrounded by these men. And they are a minority in the big picture of 3.5 billion boys.
So dear white men, for once, please surprise me and rise to the standard to which women are held.
