Yes, You Can Compare Apples to Oranges
It’s the reasoning behind why that matters.
The latest wave of self-help advice all seems to center around a simple, appealing idea —
Don’t compare yourself to others.
This is packaged in a variety of ways, almost all of them demonizing the concept of comparison. Comparison breeds discontent. Comparison kills creativity. Or the heralding of this quote, attributed to Theodore Roosevelt (which makes this quote extra ironic to me, if true)
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
I, politely, think that’s horseshit. The capacity and willingness to compare two things is not the enemy, whether it be lifestyles, productivity, success, wages, grades, timelines, or any other metric by which an individual’s worth can be judged based on societal norms. Everything is open to comparison and, in my opinion, should be compared. The ability to objectively lay out your own qualities and achievements for evaluation is being thrown to the wayside in favor of this hyper-individualistic age of valuation.
The base theory is this, I exist and therefore I have worth. Not inherently untrue, because there are no inherencies, but also not inherently true.
As a modern “civilized” society, we do not value someone’s worth unless it is current, capable, and capitalistic. Elders, veterans, and even children are faced with the consequences if they don’t meet one of the three criteria. It hardly matters if you worked hard in your youth or if you have the potential for success in the future. If you aren’t contributing currently, capably, and with a capital gain then you’re at a systematic disadvantage. So why should I, a simple person with specific advantages and disadvantages, compare my life with someone who has an entirely different set of tools in their kit?
What does the societal structure of Neanderthals have to do with the way grocery stores are stocked?
Two completely different topics, and yet totally comparable and correlated if you have a why. If I wanted to know why the paleo diet has become such a fad given that it’s been proven Neanderthals and early Humans consumed starchy foods¹ then I’d need to compare the current social stratification of society and our food systems to that of our ‘Paleo’ ancestors.
How other than comparison could I ask the question of ‘how did we get here?’ and get an answer that isn’t just executive desk philosophizing?
Comparison breeds contestation. Comparison fosters motivation. Comparison allocates the capacity to be honest with yourself and to develop empathy for others. The problem is not comparison and it never was.
The problem comes when you look at your own life, compare it to someone else’s and then decide that their accomplishments, struggles, or personal timeline somehow diminish the value of your own. No one else is responsible for your success in life, nor your contentment with yourself. If you think that someone is so much better than you to the point that you start to degrade your own worth you need to pause, take a moment to evaluate what qualities you’re comparing.
- Put your perceived version of their skills and successes in a list, then go through and tick off the ones you feel underqualified in.
- Do the same for your perceived version of their weaknesses. Where do you see space for improvements?
- Turn the results of both of these evaluations into actionable goals for yourself.
Going forward, rather than letting another person’s life affect your self-worth let it be motivation to improve. It can seem horrible and difficult at first, but realize that every human is a culmination of infinite contradictions. Compare and cut the parts you want to keep but also cull the ones you don’t.
Make fruit salad of the qualities you idolize, no matter what ‘fruit’ they come from.
Note that I say your perceived version, because in all honesty you never know the full capabilities or struggles of an individual that is not yourself, no matter how open they seem or how well you believe you know them.
[1] Curry, Andrew. “How Ancient People Fell in Love with Bread, Beer and Other Carbs.” Nature News. Nature Publishing Group, June 22, 2021. https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-021-01681-w.
