Why I’m Writing A Christian Book on Dating
I haven’t read every Christian book on dating, but I’ve read enough to know that there is a growing divide between what’s in these books and the reality of dating in 2020. That doesn’t mean that all of these books are bad (though many are), but simply that there is a large gap to fill.
Consider two extremes: On the one hand, you have Tucker Max — the third author in history to have three books simultaneously on the NYT best-seller list (I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, Hilarity Ensues, Sloppy Seconds). He chronicles his drunken escapades into debauchery and every sort of entertaining mischief you can imagine. As a polarizing character, Max has made a career out of being unashamedly braggadocios and, basically, a horrible person. Midway through his thirties, Max settled down, got married, and renounced the lifestyle which had put him on the map and even coined a new genre of literature: “Fratire.”
In other words, this best-selling writer is, in every way, honest, entertaining, and relevant to dating in the 21st century, but he is nowhere near a ‘holy’ role model for Christians to follow.
At the other extreme, you have every Christian book on dating ever. Consider some titles (again, not saying they’re good or bad, but just look at the titles):
-The Sacred Search
-The Meaning of Marriage
-You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity
-Love That Lasts: How We Discovered God’s Better Way for Love…
-Sacred Marriage
-When God Writes Your Love Story
Now, let’s be honest. Based on the titles, which category sounds more entertaining — Max’s, or all the Christian dating books? Which one will more accurately, realistically depict the single person’s experience in this century?
Now I’m obviously not advocating for Max’s lifestyle of drunkenness and fornication, but at some point we need to recognize that a lot of the Christian teaching on dating exists “up there” and doesn’t really work on the ground level where we live. Sure, we’d all love to have the ideal marriage as described by Tim Keller or Francis Chan, but what good are theological pontifications if they don’t inform our day-to-day lives?
More specifically, what can the thesis of Sacred Marriage teach me about getting ready for my third Bumble date this week, hoping to make some desperate sort of connection with the opposite sex?
Enter: My book which is over halfway finished.
I want it to exist somewhere in the middle of the two extremes. I am the person who has been on the second-most first dates out of everyone I know (you’ll have to read it to find out who’s #1). Like Max, I want it to be part-memoir, reflecting on my experience of dating — sometimes successfully, mostly unsuccessfully — in this age. But like the Christian books, I also want to impart some of the knowledge and wisdom I’ve gained from my extensive experience in this world.
One of my biggest pet peeves in a book is when people (usually…Christians) write about topics they have no experience with. For instance, I read a few chapters of a book on pornography written by a guy who had never even looked at it. It was so lofty and idealized that it didn’t help me at all!
My new book aims to fill a void I see in the Christian publishing sphere: connecting reality to ideal in the dating scene. Addressing dating apps and deontology. I want to build a bridge between the truth of the Bible and the real problems faced by modern singles, having some fun and reflection along the way by sharing some stories from my own extensive dating mishaps.
Are you interested? If so, comment, share this with your friends, and help get the word out! Have some dating stories of your own to share and even have them considered for the book? Send it my way!
e
