“You’re only succeeding because you’re a minority woman and check the affirmative action boxes.”

At school, I never even thought about gender. It never occurred to me that people would think I could or couldn’t do something because I was a woman. However, sexism is alive and well in the real world.

Last night, at an unnamed private club in Washington, during after-event upstairs dinner and drinks, I was talking to an old man who told me point blank that the reason my company had signed up clients in the Fortune 500 was because “you’re woman and minority-owned…and check all the boxes.” How cute, how quaint, how sexist.

1. That’s not how the free market works. When there are millions of dollars at stake, these companies don’t care who owns it—they care about quality work delivered on time, every time, at a cost-efficient rate. Let’s not focus on the fact that I founded it three months ago or that we are bringing a new business model and technology into the market or on the progress we’ve made already…let’s focus on the fact that I’m a minority woman.
2. When I voiced my offense, he admired my merit-based views, but told me that I should brand myself as woman-owned to win more business. Oh…so…you’re damned if you lose (held in subjugation as a woman) and damned if you win (oh, you won because you are a woman).
3. He then went off on something about women and “small business.” Sorry, but from day one, my ambitions have always extended far beyond “small business.”

Also, how everyone feels the need to ask me if I’m dating my co-founder. First, we’re not dating. Of course we are extremely close—the relationship between founders is similar to marriage—but it’s a professional relationship. Not to mention we’re seeing other people. Second, how is that relevant? If I were a man, would you ask me if I were gay and dating my co-founder?

Why should it be so shocking that I truly enjoy founding things? That I read the Wall Street Journal every day? That I love intellectual conversations? And why should that be incompatible with the facts that I like to wear pretty dresses, have done stints at high fashion magazines, and enjoy going on dates with men? Or that in ten years, I want a nice family with three children and a dog?

But then again, maybe I shouldn’t be so shocked. Women still comprise only 40% of the Wharton undergraduate class. But even the fact that we need to constantly talk about it is a problem. Equality isn’t the obsession with a number. Equality is the the day when we view men and women as individuals.

(For instance, why is it that a stay at home mother is doing good for society while a stay at home dad is an unambitious leech? That’s another ridiculous double standard…if a man wants to raise the children, that should be fine.)

Until then…