My new, yet sightly uncomfortable technique of dealing with “Analysis Paralysis”.
Want to know the main reason why it’s taken me so long to begin my journey as a freelance writer and illustrator? It’s because of a little thing called “Analysis Paralysis.”
Each week, I spend hours upon hours, researching, watching Youtube videos from successful freelance writers and illustrators, listening to podcasts on my way to and from work, doing tutorial after tutorial, and reading article after article here on Medium.
While all of these sources are extremely helpful in pointing me in the right (general) direction of where I want to go…
There’s just one small problem.
I still hesitate to act.
You’re probably be reading this and thinking to yourself “But didn’t they write this whole article? It’s their second article, at that. Doesn’t this count?”
And yes, you are absolutely right.
However, it took a lot of mental back and forth to finally get me to share this particular idea with all of you.
“Analysis Paralysis” is a state of being that arises when a person does not take action due to caution of missing the best possible option or a fear of failure.
I fall into the second category.
Ever since childhood, I have hated dealing with confrontation, especially after I screwed up. I grew up in a poor immigrant household where the children were admonished, instantly and harshly, if they made a mistake. I was (and still am) quite emotionally sensitive. You can imagine how this form of discipline did wonders for my self-confidence.
While I have always hated dealing with the initial confrontation from making a mistake, what actually terrifies me is the lingering afterthoughts of self-condemnation.
It’s kind of like the saying “Forgiven but not forgotten”, but directed towards myself. And to be honest, self-forgiveness wasn’t my strong suit.
Thoughts like “Here you go screwing up again, August.” “You just never get it right.” and “This is why you’ll never get anywhere in life. You are bound to failure.” would relentlessly play through my mind.
What’s worse is that if I made another mistake, I would then “link” that mistake to past failures and come to a conclusion that my life was destined to be in a continuous swirling vortex of disappointment.
Over the years I made many mistakes, as all humans do.
The only difference for me was that I was carrying the weight of every failure as if they were a part of my personality. Eventually, that developed into self-doubt, which then transformed into my version of Analysis Paralysis. The fear of performing an action that could lead to failure.
While I would have an idea to start a project, I would be mentally [trapped] by the fear of failure.
I would think to myself “ I’ve made too many mistakes in my life, I can’t risk another one.” “If I fail at this again, I will have to fully accept that I am a failure.” or even “I’d rather live a life of never trying because it is better than being known as the person who failed.”
Do you see how poisonous these thoughts are?
The saddest part is that I let these thoughts control my life for the majority of my life. I believed that being a failure was the core of who I was as a person and unfortunately it was the life I was manifesting.
There were plenty of dead-end jobs, years of telling myself I’d go back to school but never did, years of telling myself that I would write or draw but never did, a non-existent relationship with my family, a few toxic romantic relationships, and even some good ones that I couldn’t maintain because I thought I that I had made one too many “wrong turns” in life.
I would analyze my dreams of writing or drawing but never do them because I didn’t want to risk feeling any pain if they did not work out.
What changed my mind, you ask?
Turning 30.
I began to think of life a bit differently.
Maybe because my body became more sensitive and for the first time I could “feel” an internal shift. I began to not be able to eat the same junk that I did when I was younger. I had less patience for meaningless drama happening around me. And I became more concerned with what the next stages of my life would look like.
I became much more sensitive to who and to what I was willing to give my energy.
Which led me to my current, slightly uncomfortable, technique of not letting analysis paralysis stop me.
What is it?
Well, when I am stuck in a cycle of mental planning about whether or not I should try to go after my dreams, or do the things I really want to do, or try the new fun activity that I am nervous to try…
I simply remind myself that I will not live forever.
I know, you’re probably thinking “But August, I don’t want to think that way, it's way too morbid.”
But it is true.
None of us will live forever.
Death can be an uncomfortable subject to think about but it is also one of our most powerful motivators. We only have the days that we are here to live the way we would like. That is all.
One of my recent favorite sayings to tell people is “I am here until I am not.”
We do not have forever in the world, but that shouldn’t scare us. It should remind us that every single moment is precious. Even if it doesn't always feel that way.
- If you want to live out of the country you were born in, keep believing and taking baby steps until that day you finally take off on that plane.
- If you want to go back to school, take a class or two to start and slowly (or quickly) get the education you deserve.
- If you want to become financially free, just start putting a bit of your savings away each month, even if it's just 1% of your earnings to start.
- If there’s someone that you have your eye on, get to know them genuinely and respectfully, and be open to where the relationship may or may not go. *
- If there’s a small glimmer of hope to reconnect with your estranged family (in a healthy way), reach out.**
These last two suggestions are tricky.
*You definitely should not become a stalker. However, if you never give a try to get to know someone, you may never know if they like you back. It’s more of a “try it once and if it doesn’t work out, respect that person’s decision, and move on.
**And not even estranged family is worth the effort to rebuild with. If the family member(s) is(are) harmful to you in any way, then it might be best to leave the relationship(s) as is.
The point is, even if it doesn’t work out in your favor, at the very least you know gave it a healthy and honest try.
Believe it or not, taking action does feel a bit more natural the more you do it.
While it's a good rule to think before you act, take it from me and don’t let yourself get so caught up in your thoughts that you hesitate to ever take any action at all.
Because all of us are here until we are not.
Never forget that your time is your most precious asset.
And your time is not meant to be wasted, not even by you.
