Relationships
3 Important Things my Scary Escape through my Boyfriend’s Cellar taught me about Meeting the Parents
We all know that meeting our partner’s family can make or break a relationship.
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Especially when things get truly serious, a good relationship with your partner’s family is almost as crucial as the relationship with themselves. So here’s what fleeing from my boyfriend’s house the morning after made me realize about that fabled moment.
Our Background Story
My boyfriend and I got together on Valentine’s Day of 2021, which means we’ve been together for roughly two months at the time I’m writing this. His parents split up when he was nine years old, and he’s been living with his mom ever since, but he still has a good relationship with his father. Due to us meeting at said father’s house a lot, his dad had already seen me a few times, even before we were official.
I am, to this day, only at his house when his mother is staying the night at her boyfriend’s home. My boyfriend has already told me multiple times that his mother has no feeling of embarrassment whatsoever, and apparently complained on several occasions that his dad knew me when she does not.
Due to my issues with social anxiety, I am often nervous when it comes to meeting my boyfriend’s friends and family.
So when I woke up this morning, the first thing I noticed was someone other than my boyfriend walking around the house. He signaled me to be quiet and explained to me in a low voice that his mother arrived home early and he wasn’t sure what to do. After discussing our options, he went down to convince her she should walk the dog, simply to allow us to escape.
Her reaction to this will be discussed later on, but I ended up sneaking past her into the cellar in nothing but a hoodie and socks while my boyfriend distracted his mom, until he came to pick me up and drive me home after he brought all of my stuff out of the house.
Now, let’s get to the first thing this encounter made me realize:
1. Many parents do not care about their child’s partner
Or, to be exact, the partner’s feelings.
When my boyfriend asked his mother what she was doing, she simply replied with “Well, if she’s here, I might as well get to know her”.
Do you see the issue? I am supposed to get to know and have breakfast with a stranger after barely 6 hours of sleep, completely unprepared and looking like a homeless person. Bear in mind, I have never seen that woman before, not even in pictures. As an anxious person, this type of behavior induces panic and therefore comes across as rude and entitled. Usually, the parents are met while having dinner together, a planned meeting.
Of course, I am not blaming that woman for my anxiety, but pressuring your son and his girlfriend into having breakfast with you by bringing baked goods seems quite manipulative, even if it was done with good intentions.
Many relationship experts advise meeting the parents around 6 months into the relationship, his mother demanded to meet me after barely a third of that.
Usually, meeting the parent(s) of your partner requires preparation and organization, at least the girlfriend knowing she is about to meet her boyfriend’s mother.
In conclusion, ambushing two 18-year-olds and disregarding their feelings and wishes about the matter isn’t something you should do as a mother.
2. Mothers of sons are often worse than the fathers
There is this ever-living stereotype of overprotective fathers. But speaking from experience, the mothers of sons are far worse.
Both my mother, grandmother, aunt and I had these experiences. No girl is ever good enough for their precious heirs, most probably an example of the last bit of sexism in our Western society.
When seeing my boyfriend’s father for the first time, he greeted me in a relaxed way and didn’t force himself onto us. He also always let us have privacy, even though he was always just one staircase away from us. In contrast, his mother immediately tried to interrogate me in the worst situation possible when she first got the chance.
So, it is safe to say that fathers are more relaxed when it comes to their sons’ dating choices, while mothers tend to be rather picky. As my boyfriend’s dad said: “Just f*ck someone”.
3. It can cause a lasting strain on the relationship
Like I mentioned in the beginning, the relationship with your family-in-law is almost as important as the relationship with your partner themselves.
If you don’t enjoy visiting their side of the family, it will most certainly upset or disappoint them, which undoubtedly bears huge potential for arguments. Therefore, being at least cordial with them is crucial.
However, such actions like the one of my boyfriend’s mother have a huge chance of harming the relationship long-term, especially since this was supposed to be the first meeting. This bad first impression already tainted my judgment of her even though we haven’t spoken a word yet.
My boyfriend’s mother trying to force a meeting sets a dangerous precedent for future interactions and may very well cause tensions between us, and by that, my partner and I.
These are the things being pressured to see my boyfriend’s mom made me realize.
Romance is a complicated matter, and pushy in-laws surely have ruined many relationships already. Most of them not in the deadly “Romeo and Juliet” manner, still the result is nearly the same.
