It’s a Wave
A few years ago, I was suffering from Plantar Fasciitis. It was severe and I could barely place my feet on the ground. As part of my treatment, I enrolled in Pilates for core strengthening. The rehabilitation was slow and painful. My body and my abilities would be all over the place each session. My Pilates teacher was a wonderful and kind young woman. She was both encouraging and firm. Very often, I would complain and whine to her about how my body seemed to have a mind of its own. It was not cooperating. It was not healing fast enough. I seemed to be progressing and regressing at the same time. I was angry at my body, ashamed of it, frustrated with it. One day, my trainer told me, “Vinutha, your body is a Wave, it’s not a straight line shooting up.” I was stunned by this revelation. I never forgot that lesson and since have shared that story with so many of my clients. I took that lesson and generalized it to all parts of my life. Life is a wave. Our bodies, minds, experiences, emotions, spirituality, finances, relationships — they are all little waves rising and falling from the ocean of life. I realized that one sign of life — our heart rates also show up as waves. If it is a straight line, well that means we are dead. Flat-lined! How metaphorical is that! So, if life is a wave, then the only thing to watch out for is to make sure that we don’t experience constant tsunamis and earthquakes. That would cause quite the wear and tear on our bodies and mind. It would be lovely to have those gentle waves instead.
I have to remind myself of this truth so many times a day. We all suffer from our brain’s habitual tendencies of constantly commenting on our experiences all day long. It’s like Judge Judy moved in with us permanently and doesn’t take a break. I also find that many of us walk around with a sense of entitlement, that somehow the Universe owes us something. Life is supposed to be a straight line shooting up. How dare life disappoint us? Of course, the younger you are, the more you may tend to feel this way. It is also more prevalent in those of us that have been graced with a lot of earthly success. You might think that so much grace would pave the way to gratitude, however I have mostly seen that it paves the way to more entitlement. Such is the human condition.
Behavioral research shows that for most of us life is a complementary mixed bag of painful and pleasurable experiences. Data shows that it is roughly about a 50–50 ratio. Life is a wave. I remind my clients of this all the time in therapy. It is important to look at life as a holographic system. It is multi-dimensional. And growth and healing come in waves. Sometimes, it is important to step back and take a look at life in totality; to look at larger data sets than just a day-by-day comparison. To step back and ask yourself, where was I a year ago, two years ago, ten years ago? Sometimes, I have to remind my clients of this and show them how far they have come, especially on days where they feel a large dip in their well-being. It is how many financial managers would ask you to view the stock market. Performance over years; not like a day trader.
It is important for us to remind ourselves constantly that we are doing the best we can on a daily basis and our best will differ from day to day, morning to evening, sometimes hour by hour. We will do ourselves a huge favor if we didn’t shame and blame ourselves for it, if we didn’t constantly judge ourselves harshly in the false belief that somehow this will motivate us to do better. Many of my clients have a strong belief that such harsh judgement has served them well, that it contributed to their success in life. I then ask them, “How would it feel to work for a boss who calls you in every morning to let you know how you have disappointed him/her in all big and small ways? Would that motivate you to do your best? Or would you feel depleted, unmotivated and depressed over a period of time?” When I put forth my arguments in that way, many of them respond that they would feel unmotivated and have had bosses like that. The same thing is then also true of your inner critic. Over time such harsh narratives will deplete you at a cellular level and cause dis-ease of the mind and body.
A gentle, kind and yet firm voice is needed to motivate us in the long run. Like that of my Pilates teacher. Every session, her first question would be,” Where is your body today?” An open-ended curiosity. An objective evaluation. No shame, no blame, no judgement. Let the body guide you. Be gentle with it and by the end of the session, every single time, my muscles would open up, relax, feel stronger, feel flexible and my mind would follow suit. So, now I apply it to all aspects of my life. Where are we today — beloved mind, body, heart, gut, spirit? Life is a wave. It is not a straight line shooting up. Make peace with it. Be gentle with it. Be kind to it.
