Relationships are Opportunities for Growth

In my earlier years, I believed relationships should just happen naturally. If I had to work too hard at it, I was forcing something not meant to be. Some people I got along with and others I did not. If something went wrong, it was their fault. If I felt rejected, it was because I wasn’t lovable. People don’t change. This is how things work.

Eventually, I started noticing how I was playing out the same dissatisfying scripts, time and again. I thought the least I could do would be to try believing I could do it better. It was then I began to recognize relationships as opportunities for growth and learning. Later, I learned this was a foundational premise of Authentic Relating, my favorite approach to fostering more genuine and mutually fulfilling relationships.

“Instead of seeing the pain and challenges of relationship as potential roadblocks, each ‘obstacle’ becomes an opportunity to grow.” — Jayson Gaddis

In each exchange, in every relationship, each person is playing their part. This applies as much when we’re loving it as it does when we’re really not. When challenges arise we can seek opportunities for growth and learning, even in the face of uncomfortable feelings. But learning is not guaranteed. You can shortcircuit your ability to find these opportunities by resorting to judgment, blame, or finding fault. When you bail-out prematurely, you’ll miss out on the opportunity.