The Trouble With Words That Can’t Make Up Their Minds

Fun Trivia About the Words That Say One Thing — and the Opposite

I live in a town where people argue over everything — except fishing, funerals, and what day the dump is open. So, when I heard someone say, “We need to sanction the mayor,” it wasn’t clear whether we were giving him a gold star or kicking him out of office.

That’s when it hit me. Our entire town might be run by contronyms.

You know, contronyms — those sneaky little words with opposite meanings depending on how you use them. They’re like teenagers: helpful one minute, hostile the next. English is full of them. And our town? Apparently, we speak fluent contradiction.

It started with the mayor. He left office — only, no one could tell if left meant he walked out on purpose or just hadn’t come back from lunch. One council member said he resigned. The other said he resigned — but the tones didn’t match. Turns out, one meant he quit, the other meant he signed up again.

Down at the hardware store, Lars Olson clipped a coupon to save on hedge trimmers. Then he clipped his hedge. One “clip” added something; the other took it away. Lars just shrugged. “I dust the shelves when I want to clean ‘em,” he said, “and I dust the crops when I want to cover ’em. You figure it out.”