Rising Star Ryan Carnes On The Five Things You Need To Shine In The Entertainment Industry

I say: if it’s in your heart to do it, do it. Go for it. Do it with verve and vigor. Hold nothing back. Pursue your goals and dreams with tenacity, passion, and an unwavering commitment.

As a part of our series about “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me When I First Became An Artist” I had the pleasure of interviewing Ryan Carnes.

Scene stealing actor/model/musician Ryan Carnes has appeared in numerous credits over the years including roles on the smash-hit ABC series “Desperate Housewives,” and in director Clint Eastwood’s LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA. He just recently starred in the Hulu Christmas film CUPID FOR CHRISTMAS, which is currently streaming on the platform now.

The multifaceted Illinois native first discovered his love of acting on stage during an elective class while attending Duke University as a public policy major. After deferring his original law school plans, he headed out to Los Angeles and nearly immediately landed on season 1 of ABC’s mega-hit TV series “Desperate Housewives,” alongside Eva Longoria and Shawn Pyfrom, playing Justin, the love interest of Andrew Van de Kamp (Shawn Pyfrom). From there he continued to work steadily, appearing in notable roles including an arc on the legendary British science fiction series “Doctor Who,” as the popular character Laszlo — a role that led to the creation of an action figure in his likeness.

Carnes also got to fulfill his childhood dream of dawning superhero tights when he played the title role in the SYFY limited-run series “The Phantom.” In 2016, Carnes took a turn as a troubled wanderer in the 2016 short film titled, “The Golden Year,” written and directed by Salvador Paskowitz (The Age of Adaline). Carnes also starred opposite Mexican superstar Omar Chaparro in LA BODA DE VALENTINA, one of the top 10 grossing films of all time in Mexico.

Carnes grew up on a farm outside a small rural town in Illinois. As an only child, he spent much of his time in nature, exploring the acres of woods that surrounded his family’s property. Beyond that, he dedicated his formative years to academics, basketball, baseball, and drumming. In addition to his film, he’s has been diving into songwriting and aims to release an EP, with music partner Vanessa Silberman, in the first half of 2022.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?

Absolutely, it’s my pleasure. Thanks for having me here! I grew up an only child on a small, family-owned pig farm, just outside a rural town of 4,000 people in west-central Illinois, the son and grandson of farmers and entrepreneurs. My family also farmed corn, beans, and wheat, which allowed for me to often do chores with my dad, such as feeding the pigs and riding in the combine with him during harvest season. My mother was a junior high school teacher, and our school was so small that she was the one and only 7th-grade literature teacher; so I had no choice but to be one of my mom’s students. That made for some awkward moments, like when she would have to reprimand me for talking when I was supposed to be reading. I definitely didn’t get any special treatment!

My grandfather on my mother’s side was born into poverty, and as the oldest of 11 children, out of necessity, he dropped out of the 6th grade in order to go to work, so that he could help provide for his family. I feel very fortunate to have been born into a family of such hard-working, risk-taking folks, who also didn’t mind taking some business risks. I think as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to appreciate a similar entrepreneurial streak in myself, and I recognize that I received it honestly and am grateful for the courage to strike out on my own, even if that learning was more subconscious than not.

As a young child, I spent most of my time adventuring around the acreage we lived on, splashing in creeks, collecting rocks, and building forts. At around three years of age, I also discovered the joy of banging on pots and pans — an annoyance that my parents knew perfectly well how to help me channel in a more creative way. They bought me my first toy drum set, and by the time I was six, promised me that if I committed to weekly lessons, they would buy me a “real” starter drum kit on which I could beat to my heart’s content. I’ve been playing ever since.

Though in the past several years, I’ve begun playing music professionally, though it was really my first true love as a child, and though all through school I played in the jazz, pep, and marching bands, music was predominantly a hobby and emotional outlet for me through childhood. Once I was introduced to organized sports — in addition to academics — baseball and basketball demanded the lion’s share of my attention. For whatever reason, I always had a knack for self-discipline and performing well within a structured context. As a result, I thrived in school and on sports teams, and I loved the feeling of creating results from hard work, dedication, and intense mental focus.

Can you share a story with us about what brought you to this specific career path?

By my junior year in high school, I was getting some interest from D2 and D3 collegiate baseball and basketball programs. My best chances were in baseball, and that’s where the majority of the interest resided. I loved playing so much that I had decided that I would most likely accept a scholarship and continue on in college. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to study, but I knew I wanted to keep playing sports. Then, during the first week of basketball practice my junior year, I literally broke my back and was out for the remainder of the basketball season, as well as the baseball season. Back then, it was a very long road to recovery, and frankly, I wasn’t sure my back would ever be the same. It was unlikely that I would have played professional baseball. It probably would have ended after college, and though I loved the sport deeply, I realized that I wasn’t prepared to risk my health and my body’s functionality for the rest of my life, just so I could play a few more years of organized baseball. That year-plus of recovery was pivotal because it really did change the course of my life.

I decided that I wanted to focus strictly on academics in college, and as such, my ambition was to get accepted into the best possible college I thought I could get into and major in an area that I thought would prepare me well for law school. I chose Duke University. I applied early and got accepted. I couldn’t believe it. Duke was my number one choice, and I was ecstatic. So, I headed to Duke, and by my sophomore year, I was behind on fulfilling some of my core curriculum requirements because I had spent a lot of time my freshman year taking electives I thought would point me in the direction of a suitable major. As a result, I enrolled into an Intro to Performance theater class. I had a total blast. Couldn’t get enough. The following semester, I enrolled in two more theater classes and ended up getting badgered by a couple of my classmates to audition for the student-run play they were producing. I resisted for weeks, but I finally caved and auditioned. Lo and behold, I got cast. I think it’s safe to say that by our first live performance, I had been “bitten by the bug.”

Later the following summer, I officially filed for a year’s leave of absence from the University, in order to move to Los Angeles and pursue an acting career. That year-long leave became an official withdrawal, and I never went back.

Can you tell us the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?

I like to relay this story because, for me, it was a huge lesson in coming to the realization that “luck” really is when opportunity meets preparation and that we are so much more responsible for many of the circumstances in our lives than we often remember to give ourselves credit for.

Several years ago, I went down to Mexico City and shot a romantic comedy called La Boda de Valentina that was released by Lionsgate/Pantelion. I had an incredible time shooting it. I was back in LA after we wrapped. One day, I was at the gym working out with some of my buddies, and somehow, we started talking about how cool it would be to be on the cover of Men’s Health or Men’s Fitness, one of those magazines that we had spent so much time reading when we were younger guys getting into fitness and health for the first time. It was a very off-handed conversation, during which we were just sharing enthusiasm about how rewarding that would feel since we’d always worked so hard in the gym to maintain our fitness. About two weeks later, I woke up one morning to a text from one of the producers of that film, Tania Benitez, asking me if I had any shirtless selfies because she was going to pitch myself and my co-star Omar Chaparro to Men’s Health Mexico. Her idea was that, for the release of the film, Men’s Health ought to feature the two of us on the cover.

I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I couldn’t believe that just two weeks before, I had been talking about that with my buddies and that now, it was a very, very real possibility. In the end, that idea was greenlit, and I was flown back down to Mexico for the cover shoot. Omar and I ended up getting our own, respective covers. It was one of those moments when I realized just how real thoughts, intention, belief, and vision are.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

It’s really hard to narrow it down to just one! There are many. I think the one that I often recall as just being so hilariously absurd is when I auditioned for The Girl Next Door. I mean, I was fresh off the bus in LA and as green as they come. I barely knew my own name, let alone my way around an audition room. The late great casting director Mali Finn was casting the film. She had cast HUGE films throughout her career, and I was very aware of this. Thus, I was also extremely nervous. I went into the room, and it wasn’t an assistant or an associate, it was her, sitting there, ready to read with me. I don’t recall the size of the room, other than to say that it was bigger than most casting rooms. I’m not sure if there was a mark on the floor, as is customary in many casting sessions, letting the actor know where to stand. What I do know is that when I walked into that room, I went and stood just about as far away from her as I could possibly get. I was terrified.

I was so incredibly nervous to read with this legend, that I literally stood clear across the room from her and did the entire audition from there. It was an inappropriately far distance. It was definitely not okay, and I’m sure with that alone, she knew just how wet behind the ears I was. And it was so ridiculous, that by the time I was getting in my car to drive away, I was thinking to myself, “What in the world was that?! What did I just do???” It was as if I had lost all sense of the present moment and spatial awareness. I was horrified. Needless to say, that one didn’t go my way. I think the lesson was that I probably wasn’t ready for such a big audition — which, is a very valuable lesson to learn. I think many young actors happen to get put in positions they just aren’t ready for. I wasn’t ready for an audition with such high stakes. And that’s okay. But, it’s important to know that and be surrounded by a team (representatives) that also knows that, so that young actors can be spared some of those crash and burn moments.

What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now?

One of the things I’m really interested in at the moment is the sustainability movement, overall, and particularly sustainable fashion. Look, no matter one’s opinion on the state of the planet and its climate, I think it’s more than reasonable, and frankly, just plain logical to say, “Hey, let’s take the best care of the planet that we possibly can. Let’s be responsible with how we conduct ourselves here.” That’s what we do with our apartments, our houses, and our cars, right? We look after them, we clean them. We tend to them. We don’t just throw trash in the corner and go, “meh, that’s fine. I’m sure nothing bad will develop from that choice.” Why should our macrocosmic home be any different? What’s the alternative? Littering? Continuing to create giant literal trash heaps all over the world and in the oceans? I mean, that’s just nonsensical. We can do better.

I’ve worked with some incredible sustainable brands in the past, such as Avocado Mattress (who makes non-toxic green mattresses) and Futura Jewelry, who produces jewelry from fair-mined gold, without the use of mercury, which is an environmental toxin, as well as a heavy metal that can cause major health issues for humans who are exposed to unsafe levels. I’ve really enjoyed working with those folks, and I’ve learned a lot in the process. I think there are still so many opportunities in this sphere, to help provide people with better options, particularly in the world of fashion. So, that’s something I’m looking at. I’m looking at helping provide solutions for people who want to wear cool, comfortable clothes that are also contributing to the solution to unnecessary, excess waste, rather than exacerbating the problem. That’s pretty exciting for me.

I’m also really stoked to be working on an EP with my music collaborator, Vanessa Silberman. We plan to release the record in the spring of 2022. It’s especially exciting for me because, though I’ve recorded demos with other projects before, this is the first time I’ve really gotten to roll up my sleeves and get involved in the nuts and bolts of the creative process. I started as Vanessa’s drummer and over time, our relationship has evolved into a real partnership. The whole process is very collaborative, and we work really well together. Not only do I get to write drum parts, but I also sing background vocals and harmonies, help co-produce, co-arrange, and get to be very intimately involved with the whole song-writing process. It’s very special to me to get to do this at this point in my life, since music was my first love. It’s never too late. I think that possibly, the next step down the line at some point will be for me to work on a sound of my own, write some songs, and record them. That’s pretty terrifying, which to me, is an indicator that I probably ought to do it. I don’t know if anyone will like them, but I think that matters little because I’ll be doing it for myself as much as for anyone or anything else.

You have been blessed with success in a career path that can be challenging. Do you have any words of advice for others who may want to embark on this career path, but seem daunted by the prospect of failure?

First of all, I’m a firm believer in empowering people to dream big and go for exactly that which is in their hearts. I don’t think there’s enough of that in this world. I think for a litany of reasons, many of us grow up limiting ourselves with the thoughts we think about ourselves and the world around us and playing small, sacrificing our dreams and goals so that we don’t have to allow ourselves to be singled out amongst the crowd so that we can blend in, and not be the source of ostracism by those who want to see others fail so that they don’t have to feel bad about themselves for also playing small. It’s an unfortunate, vicious cycle. I think in Australia, they refer to this as the “tall poppy syndrome.”

So first and foremost, I say: if it’s in your heart to do it, do it. Go for it. Do it with verve and vigor. Hold nothing back. Pursue your goals and dreams with tenacity, passion, and an unwavering commitment. That said, I would also say to that person, “With all due respect if you’re daunted by the prospect of failure, either a) change your relationship to that fear and get very comfortable with failing very often, or b) if you cannot do that, or are not willing to try, then this might not ber the career path for you.” I know that may sound harsh, but the reality is, for actors (and I would say this is probably true of most, if not all, artistic professions), we “fail” far more than we succeed, if “success” is defined as only moments of peak experience. We fail over and over and over. Truthfully, I don’t even like to call it a failure, because if we are learning something from the process, that, in and of itself, is a win. That’s how we grow. Nonetheless, the point remains… We do scenes in class and they go horribly. We go to auditions and do an absolute shit job. We go on set and forget our lines. Or, we book the job and do the scene or shoot the entire film, and then we watch it, and we go “Oh my God, what was I doing? I hate my performance.” Some of the actors that I admire the most have said, in essence, that they love staring into the abyss, knowing they are going to fail. I think that’s brilliant. And absolutely necessary to cultivate.

I think one of the things that has allowed me to survive in such a career path for so long is that the fear of failure has been bludgeoned out of me with every passing year, with every awful audition, with every pilot that didn’t get picked up to series, and so on. I’m not saying that I’m never any longer afraid of failing. I think every time I take on a role, I’m not certain that I can do it, or do it as well as I would like to. I don’t think that will ever go away. What I am saying is that my relationship to the prospect of “failure,” as it is typically defined, has changed. And that took a very long time for me. And this, to me, is probably the most important aspect of this all.

It’s about the relationship to oneself. If we hang our hat of self-worth on the approval of others, or the external validation that comes along with being deemed a “success,” by those who might have the power to hire us (or not), we’ve already lost. In fact, we might even win the battle by getting the job, but ultimately, if we still outsource our feelings of esteem, value, and worthiness, to people, places, or things outside of us, we have definitely lost the war. It is crucial for us to genuinely like and accept who we are as people. Full stop. Particularly in the arts, where the product is essentially us — or a very direct extension of us. I don’t mean to sound precious or sanctimonious about that. It’s just the nature of the game. And so, if we do not have a healthy sense of self intact, it’s a recipe for disaster. At this point, I feel really fortunate to feel like I’m creating for the sake of creating — and because I want to — not because I need someone else to tell me I’m deserving of getting to create. I tell me that I’m deserving of getting to create. And I create. Just as everyone else is deserving of getting to create, and so ought to create. From love. For love. For the love of the creation and the process. In summary, if one is daunted by the prospect of failure, I would encourage the asking of the question, “why.” Dig deep, and find that answer. Then, go about getting very cozy with learning lessons and being excited for “failure,” because that is where the most growth takes place. And if one still finds themselves averse to the prospect of inevitable pitfalls and averse to coming up short, then it’s probably not an ideal career path to pursue.

We are very interested in diversity in the entertainment industry. Can you share three reasons with our readers about why you think it’s important to have diversity represented in film and television? How can that potentially affect our culture?

Too many people are told that they shouldn’t, they can’t, or that they won’t because no one like them has ever come before them and done what they want to do. It always takes a pioneer to blaze a new trail. It takes those willing to take a stand against consensus or the status quo. If Jackie Robinson hadn’t done what he did for African Americans and for baseball, how much longer would it have been before young black men knew they could play baseball professionally and get paid to do something they might happen to be incredibly skilled at? If Bill Russel hadn’t done what he did in Boston with the Celtics, how much longer would it have been before young black men knew they could not only play professional basketball but be absolutely dominant forces and prolific stars in the NBA? By the same token, if actors in historically under-represented demographics are not getting opportunities to have a seat at the table, then how will future generations know that they, too, can pursue their hearts’ wildest dreams of having a career in film and/or television? And they should know that. Because they should be able to pursue those dreams. I think if the question is flipped on its head and we posit, “Why shouldn’t diversity be represented in film and television?” The answer is that there is literally no good reason why it shouldn’t.

1) The world is a very diverse place. If art is meant to be a reflection of our world, then it would follow that our art ought also to be equally diverse, while maintaining the veracity of the story being told.

2) Such diverse representation in film and television teaches younger generations by way of example that it is possible for them, too, to have the opportunities that may previously have been unavailable to them, for no other reason than the antiquated status quo didn’t permit space for such deviation from what were considered “norms.”

3) I truly believe that the biggest reason that some people hate or fear others is because they don’t understand them. Oftentimes, such people have had little to no direct human experiences with the persons or group of people against whom they feel bigoted or racist. Human contact and experiences of shared humanity can be a great equalizer and can disarm and prove false such mistaken points of view. Unfortunately, we don’t always have the luxury as a society or as separate cultures within a society to directly expose ourselves to human-to-human contact with those we might perceive as different or with those of whom we are afraid. The way I look at it is this: If, by way of film and television, we are able to portray three-dimensional human beings with whom — though they may look different from us or have points of view with which we have not previously become familiar — we can connect, relate, and understand, then maybe… just maybe… that surrogate relationship with a fictional character we have come to accept, love, and champion, can help us better love, accept, and understand the actual living, breathing human being with a beating heart that we previously might not have had the cultural context to understand. In other words, if we can love and understand that representation on the screen, then I have the hope that we can love and understand that person in real life. Sadly, oftentimes, the “diverse” groups of people that have been absent from media, are the same groups that may have historically been misunderstood and ostracized in our culture at large. Hopefully, this gives us a chance to give those fictional characters voices that are representative of the real lives contained within their respective cultures.

What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why? Please share a story or example for each.

1) On set, know where the light source is coming from and don’t stand in front of your scene partner’s light. One day on the set of Desperate Housewives, I was working with Eva Longoria. At the time, I was still a relatively inexperienced actor, and so I was learning many of the technical aspects of being on a set on the fly. I’ll never forget: I was standing across from Eva as we were rehearsing for our scene, and she put her arms out, grabbed my shoulders with each hand, and moved me to one side and side, “You were in my light, darling.” She wasn’t at all being a diva and was very sweet about it, but it nonetheless impacted me in a profound way that I remember to this day. Lesson learned.

2) Write thank you letters/cards. It’s a lost art. Not many people do it. But, universally, people want to feel appreciated. No one doesn’t want that. And especially in the film and television world, there are many, many people who do very many important jobs on a set, who seldom get recognized for their effort. Though it may not be a lot, I think writing someone a note of thanks is a great way to recognize that person’s effort and their importance in your mind. My dad taught me that. I’ve seen it make a big difference in someone’s day.

3) “Right” doesn’t always equal “good.” Within art and performance, there are no formulas into which numbers can be inserted in order to arrive at a consistent, desired, “right answer.” As someone who was accustomed to operating from my left brain and getting “right answers,” by applying tried and true methods, I had a rude awakening when I first began studying acting. It was night and day. I wish someone had told me to just drop all of that immediately and that acting was much more a process of unlearning all of the things that stood in the way of the present moment, rather than learning how to “get it right.” There is no right. The best example of this lesson in action for me is a collection of all of the times I thought I did a terrible audition and either got a callback or got hired. Clearly, my perception had been mistaken.

4) Trust your instincts. It took me years to begin to relax into trusting my own instincts about how to play a scene or how to say a line. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that, at least for me, most of the time, my instincts are the best possible way that I could go. Why? Because I’m not over-thinking it or trying to outsmart myself or the writer. I also think that inherent in the ability to trust our own instincts is to trust that we are enough, exactly the way that we are. When I worked with Clint Eastwood on LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA, I learned about the way Clint casts his films and about the way he works on set. Clint is an ardent believer in trusting actors’ instincts. He believes that if he hires the right actors for the job, 80–90% of his job is done. Then, once on set, he can let go and trust the instincts of those whom he has hired. He trusts the actors he hires to deliver honest, truthful performances, because he trusts in their ability to trust their own instincts. I’m not saying that’s the only way to work, but what I am saying is that if it makes sense to Clint Eastwood, it might be worth looking at!

5) It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Don’t be obsessed with youthful success. There are countless examples of both male and female actors who have achieved tremendous success after they turned 40, 45, or 50. To that end, the industry is moving in a wonderful direction. It seems that now more than ever before, we are bucking ageism, and many wonderful actors are experiencing success for the very first time, or experiencing career resurgences, at more and more mature ages. I think that’s wonderful and beautiful. It’s never too late.

Which tips would you recommend to your colleagues in your industry to help them to thrive and not “burn out”?

1) Learn to say no. Stop trying to be everything to everyone all the time. It’s impossible. And ultimately, such people-pleasing behavior doesn’t serve anyone because it’s forced and inauthentic, based on the presupposition that doing that behavior or thing that you don’t really want to do will get you the imaginary desired result of maintaining peace or being liked. But it never works out like that because eventually, the built-up resentment will always come home to roost. It’s not good for you, or for the person or people you’re attempting to please.

2) Learn about boundaries and enforce them — with kindness and compassion. Enforcing boundaries doesn’t require being reactive or disrespectful. There are a lot of people who want a lot of things from a lot of other people. That’s not just true in this industry. That’s true everywhere, all the time. By learning to honor what is true for us and what our individual needs are, we can avoid a lot of drama.

3) Avoid drama. Grow up, work your shit out. Figure out who you are, and take responsibility for that person, and for your life. Save the drama for the screen.

4) Find out what your “medicine” is and treat yourself to that as needed. For me, that’s nature and time with good friends who love me, support me, and feed my soul. For me, sometimes that’s staying in bed in a darkened room for half the day on a Sunday. Not because I’m depressed. Because I’m down-regulating my nervous system and that feels good and replenishing. For some that’s massages. For some, that’s time with friends, a massage, dance class, or playing a pick-up game of basketball, riding motorcycles, going to the gun range, petting animals. Whatever it is, if it’s not causing you or anyone else harm, do it. And do it consistently.

5) Eat healthy, whole foods (organic when possible), exercise, and drink lots of quality water. Take care of your body, so that it will take care of you. Being on set for sometimes 12–18 hours a day and traveling to different time zones and countries for work, though glamorous it may seem, can be very taxing and easily lead to burnout and illness.

You are a person of enormous influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

Wow. This is a massive question. I think what I would wish for is for everyone’s relationship with themselves to be transformed into one of worthiness, self-acceptance, loving-kindness, and grace. I’m not certain what kind of container would be required to help facilitate such a movement, though I do know that meditation can certainly lead to all kinds of benefits physically, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically that can aid in the cultivation of such feelings toward oneself. And the reason I say that I wish that we all could have better relationships with ourselves is that when it comes down to it, that’s really where it all begins — the relationship with the self. How we treat others is ultimately inextricably tied to how we treat ourselves. How we view and relate to, the world around us, is in direct relationship to how we feel about our own selves. We talk a lot about desiring world peace or seeing an end to all wars, but until the war that is raging within us individually is dealt with, wars in the outside world will rage on. And underneath it all, I really think what we are talking about is quite simple. The movement I would like to inspire would be one in which everyone would know that they are worthy of feeling love for themselves, for others, and of and being loved. If we could all realize both individually and collectively that love is the only thing that is real and that all else is illusion, that would be the single most transformative revelation in the history of humanity. With that simple realization, most, if not all, other problems would cease to exist, because all of life would be flowing harmoniously from that truth. The movement would be characterized by the ability to feel more love, and the resulting ability to give more love.

None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?

This may be an unexpected answer, but I have to say that one person for me is probably my trainer, Eric Fleischman, known as Eric The Trainer. Eric is a celebrity trainer who’s worked with hundreds of actors, writers, directors, musicians, artists, and others over the years and has taught me a lot about not only fitness but life as well. I’ve known Eric for probably close to 15 years, and he has always been a rock-solid, steady source of inspiration, motivation, and unlimited positive energy. He’s always believed in me in a way that few others have. He loves connecting inspired, motivated people with other inspired, motivated people and has connected me with folks with whom I’ve gone onto work and become great friends. I think he’s a brilliant leader and has shown me how to become a better leader in my own sphere. When I got the news that I was going to get the cover of Men’s Health, that was during a time that I hadn’t been actively working out with Eric. I called him, told him the exciting news, and he said, “Let’s get to work.” We only had a couple of weeks to prepare for that shoot, but Eric made sure to make himself available to get me in the best possible shape, even meeting me at the gym on weekends. He is the absolute definition of a leader and a “winner.”

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“You are not allowed to be a coward and be in love. You must choose one” is my favorite life lesson quote. I’m not sure who said it, but I think it’s brilliant because I think it is absolutely true. I also don’t believe that it only applies to romantic love. I believe that it applies to all of life. I believe that the truest, most authentic forms of expression must be born from courage and not from cowardice. Great art, brilliant inventions, and the loves of our lives do not bless us with their presence when we are acting from fear or cowering from the most truthful, most integral versions of ourselves. For me, I’ve come to realize that if I am to be in love with my work and with whatever it is that I’m creating, it is impossible to do this from a place of cowardice and fear. In the past, cowardice has restricted my true, authentic expression. In the past, cowardice choked me off from the possibility of daring myself to go beyond my comfort zone and do things I never thought possible. Ultimately, in the past, cowardice prevented me from living the life that was waiting to be lived by me, for me. I learned that I can not fully be in love with my work, with life, and with others, unless I am acting from love, as opposed to fear. So, I’ve learned that it’s necessary to do all things from love and with love.

Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them.

I would like to have a private breakfast or lunch with Jerry Cantrell. The grunge wave hit hard just about the time I was really getting into music as a young boy, and boy did his riffs melt my face. I was a huge fan of Alice in Chains and Jerry’s playing style, lyrics, and vocals. He really did know how to do it all — and still does. I used to play along on the drums to AIC songs, and my best friend in high school (who played guitar) and I would do our best duo version of their songs. I was a fan of most of the grunge scene of that time, but there was something about AIC that scratched an inch I didn’t even know I had. I went through some pretty dark stuff in childhood, and yet, I think some part of me always knew there would be light at the end of the tunnel — eventually. Some of their material was quite dark; yet simultaneously hopeful and poignantly beautiful at the same time. It was like, in some of their songs they would have these heavy, sludgy, dark verses, followed by relatively bright, optimistic choral melodies, and I just thought that was brilliant and incredibly evocative. I think on a subconscious level that juxtaposition helped me feel okay about, and even exorcize, some of the more complex emotions and feelings that I didn’t even realize I had until years later. And then there were his haunting harmonies, always looming alongside Layne Staley’s howl. I can’t think of another band who has gone on to even attempt to emulate their sound. It was (and still is) that singular.

But then, after 5 fantastic albums with AIC, Jerry went and released his first solo record, Boggy Depot, in ’98, and it was incredible. The first time I listened to it, I was like, “Dude, this rocks!!” I had that one on heavy rotation, too. I just feel that music and Jerry’s ubiquitous fingerprint on it was some of the most impactful music I’ve ever listened to in my life — partially because of the time and place I found it, and also because it’s just that good. He’s a prolific creator, and what he created helped not only shape my youth, but very much informed my musical tastes throughout my youth and to this day. Currently digging on his new record, too.

How can our readers follow you online?

Readers can follow me online on Instagram and Twitter @RyanCarnes1

This was very meaningful, thank you so much! We wish you continued success!

Thank you so much for asking such thought-provoking questions and for offering the space for me to share.