Amy KD Tobik of Autism Parenting Magazine: “Here Is How To Develop Mindfulness And Serenity During Stressful Or Uncertain Times”
Mindfulness is a state of being. It’s about changing the way you respond to what is happening in your environment and choosing instead to focus on your mind and body in the present. It may sound easy, but it’s not always simple to look beyond the chaos. I am naturally a planner and a worrier, so it can be challenging to turn my brain off and absorb the magnificence of what’s in front of me. Mindfulness is about stepping back and feeling more connected to what’s around you — it’s about focusing on your gravitational energy and your own rhythm. It’s not always intuitive to be fully present, to connect with your body and the environment without getting distracted. I often must remind myself to experience life at the moment and recognize there is nothing wrong with silence.
As a part of my series about “How To Develop Mindfulness And Serenity During Stressful Or Uncertain Times”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Amy KD Tobik. She is Editor-in-Chief of Autism Parenting Magazine, an award-winning monthly international publication where she coordinates and manages an extensive group of doctors, autism specialists, and writers to create the most up-to-date news and professional guidance for families affected by autism. A graduate of Sweet Briar College in Virginia, Amy’s experience includes more than 30 years of writing/editing newspapers, monthly magazines, technical documents/manuals, books, and websites.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
I feel like I grew up in a newsroom as my mother was a writer and managed newspapers throughout my life. My career was influenced by her as well as my grandmother, a syndicated columnist and playwright, and my aunt, a novelist. I have worked as an editor/writer for more than 30 years, during which I have also devoted my time to volunteering with children of all abilities. I firmly believe every child deserves the chance to learn and shine — which drew me to Autism Parenting Magazine as it allowed me to combine my passions. I have family and friends with children on the autism spectrum, so I know how hard families have to work; I’ve witnessed both the challenges and the victories. Helping special needs families find the answers they seek brings me joy. My goal is to bring more awareness and acceptance for all people with developmental disabilities.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
It is difficult to pinpoint one interesting story as my career has enveloped a whirlwind of fascinating people and experiences. For me, everyone has a unique story to tell. As a long-time journalist, I have witnessed communities come together during triumphs and tragedies. I’ve met energetic town leaders, kids who have overcome adversity, and people who have risked their lives every day for the greater good. I’ve connected most recently with dynamic autism warriors such as Temple Grandin, Marshalyn Yeargin-Allsopp, Jessica Kingsley, Nancy Silberkleit, Jonathan Andrews, and Siena Castellon. I clearly remember the emotional moment years ago when I witnessed a young girl on the spectrum being carried out from the Florida brush four days after being declared missing. I’ve hugged strangers who have lost their family in a fire, and I’ve high-fived kids competing in school events. Every experience has been special because someone shared a piece of themselves with me.
What advice would you give to other leaders about how to create a fantastic work culture?
Creating a fantastic work culture is fundamental to the strength of any business. It’s essential, especially since so many of us work remotely, to make an effort to connect with coworkers and understand how they function best as individuals. People should be celebrated for their strengths, feel valued, and respected. It’s essential to remain positive, gracious, and maintain integrity.
Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?
Even though it’s been more than 30 years since I first read The Closing of the American Mind by political philosopher Allan Bloom, his words still resonate with me. While the book focused on the social and political crises of contemporary America playing a part in a larger intellectual crisis, I feel like his message echoes our chaotic world today. One quote stood out to me at the time, “Nobody really believes in anything anymore, and everyone spends his life in frenzied work and frenzied play so as not to face the fact, not to look into the abyss.” This statement is still so relevant. We are bombarded every day by the commotion, the white noise, which can become overwhelming. That’s when it becomes more comfortable not to explore, not to respond, and to dismiss. It’s unhealthy for people to lose curiosity and a desire to do more and be more.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. From your experience or research, how would you define and describe the state of being mindful?
Mindfulness is a state of being. It’s about changing the way you respond to what is happening in your environment and choosing instead to focus on your mind and body in the present. It may sound easy, but it’s not always simple to look beyond the chaos. I am naturally a planner and a worrier, so it can be challenging to turn my brain off and absorb the magnificence of what’s in front of me. Mindfulness is about stepping back and feeling more connected to what’s around you — it’s about focusing on your gravitational energy and your own rhythm. It’s not always intuitive to be fully present, to connect with your body and the environment without getting distracted. I often must remind myself to experience life at the moment and recognize there is nothing wrong with silence.
This might be intuitive to you, but it will be instructive to spell this out. Can you share with our readers a few of the physical, mental, and emotional benefits of becoming mindful?
Parenting is stressful — and so can being a child. Practicing mindfulness can improve psychological, physiological, and mental health for people of all ages. This exercise is something families can do together. When we make ourselves stop and appreciate the moment (even if it is flawed), we create a chance for positivity. It’s easy, especially during times like these, to be preoccupied with things that may never happen or worry about what we can’t change or control. This can be exhausting for parents as they try to handle not only their pressures but their child’s heightened anxiety. It only takes five to ten minutes per day to reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. Not only does mindfulness improve relationships by creating new bonds and ways to respond to one another during uncertain times, but it has the potential to decrease challenging behaviors in children as well.
Ok. Here is the main question of our discussion. The past 5 years have been filled with upheaval and political uncertainty. Many people have become anxious from the dramatic jolts of the news cycle. The fears related to the coronavirus pandemic have only heightened a sense of uncertainty, anxiety, fear, and loneliness. From your experience or research what are five steps that each of us can take to develop mindfulness and serenity during such uncertain times? Can you please share a story or example for each.
COVID-19 has produced unparalleled changes to our lives. Every day there are reports of schools and businesses, even whole cities, shutting down. Both parents and children need new ways to manage these stressors.
Here are five steps people can take to develop mindfulness during uncertain times:
- Limit the news cycle
Eliminate the intensity of 24-hour news reports. Set a time to check in on what’s happening in the world and then make a choice to turn off the intense chatter. When I work in my remote office, I routinely seek background noise to keep me company, but I have since realized during these uncertain times that it’s not healthy to invite more stressors into my subconscious. It’s unhealthy for children as well as it adds to their anxiety even if they don’t comprehend the news reports.
2. Create your own serenity
Eliminating stress from your life can be a challenge — and even harder to do during a quarantine. Serenity is vital to your wellbeing. Do you have a quiet space you can escape to for about 15 minutes at a time? It can be a bedroom, a window, front steps, or even the bathtub. Take time to slow down and breathe. Listen to the sounds of the birds or the water running. Be aware of your own body and existence.
3. Release negative thoughts
We create a lot of stress and negativity in our minds, especially when we feel we have little control over the outcome of a crisis. People tend to misplace blame during times like this and allow thoughts such as “Why is this happening to me?” or “This is so unfair,” to enter their minds. Don’t get caught up in the stressful energy; take a deep breath when thoughts go dark and remember you are a survivor. You are alive, feel that energy, and focus on how this, too, shall pass.
4. Slow down and focus on the now
It’s okay to slow down. Many of us have been programmed to go, go, go, so stepping back can be a challenge. Don’t be hard on yourself if you aren’t accomplishing everything you want to right now. Remind yourself this quarantine isn’t permanent — it’s time to be safe and stay well. Don’t be blinded by the chaos. If you are eating dinner, don’t check your phone. If you are checking your email, don’t be sucked into looking at social media and clicking on every video. Do one thing at a time, process, and be done. It’s so difficult to not multi-task — but for your health — focus on one thing at a time.
5. Take care of yourself and rest when you can
As a caregiver, you need to care for yourself first. Self-care isn’t as much about “me-time” as it is preserving your body and mind so you can respond appropriately to daily challenges. This time can be especially overwhelming for special needs parents who might not have the support required during a quarantine. Chronic stress is debilitating and affects immunity, so don’t put yourself last. Take 10 minutes here and there — people depend on you.
From your experience or research, what are five steps that each of us can take to effectively offer support to those around us who are feeling anxious? Can you explain?
Nobody wants to feel overwhelmed — it’s frustrating and lonely. There’s no doubt a shutdown heightens a sense of panic and uncertainty for all family members. For both kids and adults on the autism spectrum, these sudden changes can create intense anxiety. Here are some ways to help the people around you:
- Share the gift of mindfulness
Mindful breathing and meditation are ideal because anyone can do them. Show your support by example; work together to relax the body and mind through deep breathing. It’s natural to be distracted at first but keep going. It only takes five minutes to create a more relaxed state and boost focus. When my kids were young, we used to lie in the grass and watch the clouds swirl by. It was a time to filter the sounds, feel the earth, and create peace. - Schedule time to focus and to play daily
People are very different; some thrive on being social, and some prefer time alone. Take that into consideration when planning activities, especially during a stressful time. Jigsaw puzzles are a fantastic activity because they require focus, can be done together or alone, and they can be set aside and worked on later. You can keep the room quiet or play relaxing music (turn off that TV). It’s also vital to keep the body moving, so search for some exercise videos online. It’s important to keep this time fun and memorable for the people you love, so be sure to play. Plan a family dance party for 15–30 minutes every day and jump around the living room. If you are able, have a jump rope contest in your garage or create an obstacle course in your home for the kids. Chances are children will remember this uncertain time well, so make some positive memories. - Write things down
You don’t have to be a writer to jot down thoughts. Journaling during these uncertain times can help free the mind. You may feel emotional as you form the sentences and reflect on your fears, but it can be freeing. Then move onto something that makes you feel good. This is a useful exercise for children as well. If the child is too young to write in a journal, perhaps you can help. If your child has a hard time settling in at night, have the child dictate his/her worries to you, and write them all down in a dedicated notebook. Once you have discussed some positive responses to the fears, ceremoniously slam the book shut, so the worries are put away for the night. - Talk about it
It’s healthy to talk about your fears, but try to stop yourself from letting these conversations consume your life. With schools closed, most kids know there is a highly-contagious virus out there, so it’s essential to answer questions. It’s a gentle balance — you want to teach children how to stay safe, but you don’t want to overwhelm them. Be sure to share positive stories of people who are helping out during this challenging time, like companies working hard to make products to help with recovery or the US aquarium that let its penguins walk around to visit the other animals while the facility is closed. There’s good out there — embrace it and share. - Stay connected with the people you love
Social distancing, while necessary during a pandemic, can make people feel isolated and lead to depression. Make an effort through phone calls or video-chat to stay connected with family and friends. Many teachers I know are staying connected with students as abrupt school closings left so many kids feeling lost and confused. Let your kids plan a playdate with a friend using Facetime, if possible. Don’t forget about family members in nursing homes who would benefit from seeing a smiling face on the screen during an otherwise tumultuous time.
What are the best resources you would suggest for someone to learn how to be more mindful and serene in their everyday life?
The Autism Parenting Magazine website has multiple articles online that cover mindfulness advice as well as guidance on managing anxiety. Many physicians, psychologists, and autism therapists offer excellent information on their websites as well. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) offers advice online regarding stress and coping. If you or someone you love need immediate help, I suggest you reach out to a medical professional right away.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life?
My mother reminded me throughout my life to slow down, look, breathe, enjoy what is beautiful, and be thankful. She even placed an ad in my college yearbook with a photo of me as a toddler holding pansies, stating, “Embrace each new day with the courage of your convictions…with love and laughter…and always take time to smell the flowers…” Her life lessons will always resonate with me, and I hope I have passed on this philosophy to my children.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)
I would like schools to focus more on teaching kids coping skills to benefit mental health. I believe kids of all ages are consumed by the need to be perfect or the best at everything they do. Everyone is different — everyone has their own gifts to share — and that should be celebrated. By the time kids go to high school or college, they often have created negative self-talk and lack the coping mechanisms needed in the real world. I would like to remove the stigma surrounding mental health, so kids feel open to seeking help when needed and develop the self-confidence and esteem they need for lifelong emotional health.
What is the best way our readers can follow you online?
Website: https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AutismParentingMagazine/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/autismparentingmagazine/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/autismparentmag
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
About the author:
Beau Henderson, editor of Rich Retirement Letter and CEO of RichLife Advisors LLC, is a best-selling author, national tv/radio resource, and retirement coach/advisor, with over 17 years’ experience. Beau is a pioneer in the strategy based new model of holistic retirement planning. He can be followed on Facebook here or on Instagram here
