Andre Roupp of Roupp Funeral Home: 5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss Or Life Change

Seek help. Sometimes, no matter what we try, we just need help. If that’s the case, don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to admit it. Not only are there therapists, doctors, friends and family here to support you, there’s also opportunities to speak to others in grief support groups. If your friends and family are unable to support you at this time, or if you just want to connect with others who are going through the same thing you are, join a support group or find a counselor to talk to.

The world seems to be reeling from one crisis to another. We’ve experienced a global pandemic, economic uncertainty, political and social turmoil. Then there are personal traumas that people are dealing with, such as the loss of a loved one, health issues, unemployment, divorce or the loss of a job.

Coping with change can be traumatic as it often affects every part of our lives.

How do you deal with loss or change in your life? What coping strategies can you use? Do you ignore them and just push through, or do you use specific techniques?

In this series called “5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss Or Life Change” we are interviewing successful people who were able to heal after a difficult life change such as the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, or other personal hardships. We are also talking to Wellness experts, Therapists, and Mental Health Professionals who can share lessons from their experience and research.

As a part of this interview series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Andre Roupp, Supervisor and Licensed Funeral Director.

Andre joined Roupp Funeral Home, Inc. as Funeral Director/Supervisor, in 1998. He attended Washington & Jefferson College, Washington, PA, for two years, prior to earning an AAS in Mortuary Science from Pittsburgh Institute of Mortuary Science, in 1997. Raised in Mifflinburg, he is a 1994 graduate of Mifflinburg Area High School, is married to his wife, Ellie, and they have one daughter, Monroe.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

My grandfather was a licensed Funeral Director for 66 years and I grew up in a funeral home watching him care for families on a daily basis. I would help him at a very young age opening doors for the public coming into the funeral home to pay respects for their loved one. I also was the one handing out memorial folders. So, the funeral home has always been MY home. I grew up in the business.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

I was taught to greet people with an authentic smile, be kind, never judge negatively, and be thankful for all that is fortunate in my life. I hope that this authentic caring approach gives families some sense of comfort and many days that aren’t necessarily the best in their lives!

You have been blessed with much success. In your opinion, what are the top three qualities that you possess that have helped you accomplish so much?

If you can, please share a story or example for each. I have been COMMITTED to our community and the families we serve, DILIGENT and GENUINE in the considerate service that we provide.

Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion about ‘Healing after Loss’. Based on your experiences and knowledge, what advice would you give others to help them get through a difficult life challenge? What are your “5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss Or Life Change? Please share a story or example for each.

Sometimes it can be difficult to find the right words to share with someone that is going through the grieving process. The grief process is different for everyone. The first step is to get in the right mindset. How you handle your grief will largely depend on your mindset. Acknowledge that life will be different, and allow yourself to lean into any feelings that may come up. Don’t hide from your grief.

Adjust your traditions and routines. If you’ve recently lost a loved one, you need to think about how that will make your normal traditions different. Your day to day routines, your holidays, etc. Decide if you’re going to change those practices or carry on with the rest of your family. Sometimes, people decide it’s too painful to continue while others find comfort in the familiarity.

Honor their memory. This is probably the hardest task, but also the most rewarding. To deal with your grief, I recommend choosing at least one way to commemorate your lost one. Some ideas include: donating to a charity on their behalf or incorporating their favorite dish into a family feast.

Seek help. Sometimes, no matter what we try, we just need help. If that’s the case, don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to admit it. Not only are there therapists, doctors, friends and family here to support you, there’s also opportunities to speak to others in grief support groups. If your friends and family are unable to support you at this time, or if you just want to connect with others who are going through the same thing you are, join a support group or find a counselor to talk to.

Our favorite virtual grief support group is GriefShare. GriefShare is a support group that meets weekly virtually and in-person. You’ll find it to be a warm, caring environment and will come to see your group as an “oasis” on your long journey through grief.

Lastly, have some quiet time. Take deep breaths and allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you need to feel. If painful emotions come to the surface, find a healthy way to express those emotions. Remember, it’s okay if you need to cry. Grief journaling can be a very effective way to channel your feelings. Find a comfortable location and pour out your thoughts on paper. Breathwork and meditation is another great tool for managing grief. Find a quiet spot and focus on your breathing.

Let’s discuss this in more specific terms. After the dust settles, what coping mechanisms would you suggest to deal with the pain of the loss or change?

Grieving is a process. There will be highs and lows, ups and downs, and more twists and turns than you can count. There is so much growth that can come out of the process though. There’s two types of coping mechanisms that I see the most often: emotion-focused, and occupation-focused coping. When it comes to emotion-focused, so many people aren’t ready when it first happens to really talk about the situation. It’s so important though to speak with your friends and family because they truly care. Don’t be afraid that you’re going to “bring them down” if you talk honestly about the sadness that you’re experiencing. If you need some time to get something off your chest, this is perfectly acceptable. You shouldn’t feel guilty for taking time to express your grief around others.

When it comes to occupation-focused coping, this means to focus your grief somewhere productive. That doesn’t have to mean work, that can simply mean a hobby or some form of mental productivity. As mentioned before, breathwork is a great exercise for the mind and body. Whether it’s a loved one who’s passed, a spouse who’s left, or a job that ended abruptly, if we don’t deal with those emotions as they surface, it can wreak havoc on our mental and emotional health. Why? Because our bodies store memories, meaning that just because we don’t acknowledge them doesn’t mean they aren’t there. This is where breakwork comes in. If you are struggling with a recent, or perhaps old, loss, try Conscious Connected Breathing. This is a coping mechanism designed to help you holistically heal from grief by releasing stored emotions.

How can one learn to to heal and “let go” of the negative aspects of that event?

Grief will never disappear. It’s something that will follow us wherever we go, but it’s how we deal with it and manage it that really makes all the difference. Many suffering from grief will replay the event over and over again. Maybe it’s how it happened, or what didn’t happen while their loved one was alive. Blame tends to surface in stages of grief, and that’s not something to take lightly. In order to heal and let go, you have to understand that it wasn’t something you could control. Acceptance and being gentle with yourself is key to letting go.

Aside from letting go, what can one do to create an internal, emotional shift to feel better?

It’s important to recognize your feelings and what you’re going through. It’s also important to connect with others who may be going through the same thing. Family, friends, or those you find in a grief support group is so valuable when looking to create a shift in how you feel when dealing with grief.

How can one eventually reframe the consequences and turn it into a positive situation?

Recognize the negative thoughts and emotions you are feeling. Become intentional about stopping those thoughts. Replace it with happy thoughts by finding something you enjoy doing and connecting with the people you love.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?

There’s an organization that we are very close to in our community called, Camp Koala. Camp Koala is a local organization in Mifflinburg, Pennsylvania that provides grieving children with the tools and resources to help them manage their grief in a healthy way, and to offer companionship in a supportive environment. Many don’t realize the struggles children face when dealing with death, and it’s important to acknowledge it and find the right support. Helping children get back to being a kid again, which is ultimately the most important thing you can do to help a child overcome the loss is something that I hold very close to my heart.

We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them. :-)

My father. He passed away a few years ago. It was customary to enjoy a late breakfast or lunch together. We told stories and were always very close. Now if I were to have lunch with him, we would be sharing so many stories about his granddaughter, Monroe and how much of a gift she is to all of us and I suppose this is part of my dealing with grief, to talk about him.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

Please follow our social media, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn. We are very active on social and love connecting with others and supporting them in any way we can during their time of need. We also have an ongoing blog where we post articles that provide a wealth of information to guide you through the steps that take place during challenging times.

Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!