Annamarie Fernyak of Mind Body Align: Five Things We Can Do To Develop Serenity And Support Each Other During These Anxious Times

Invite people around you into your mindful world. Demonstrate for them what mindfulness practice looks like in life. What does sorrow look and sound like when you’re being mindful? What does mindful listening look and sound like? What does decision-making look and sound like? What does conflict look and sound like? Live the mindfulness practice out in the world and, like in the famous scene from the movie When Harry Met Sally, your friends and family may say, “I want what she’s having.”

As a part of my series about the things we can do to develop serenity and support each other during anxious times, I had the pleasure of interviewing Annamarie Fernyak.

Annamarie Fernyak is the founder and CEO of Mind Body Align. She is a certified life coach, mindfulness meditation teacher, author, and serial entrepreneur. She worked with a licensed teacher, artists, and instructional designers to create the Mind Body Align at School program which teaches mindfulness, the missing piece in most social and emotional learning programs. She also developed Mind Body Align at Work, which teaches mindfulness to adults, often as a workplace program. Based in science, the proven benefits of mindfulness include improved relationships, lower reported stress, reduced blood pressure, and greater ability to pay focused attention.

Annamarie does not settle for programs that simply help people get through one day at school or at work, she works to transform each and every day of the lives of people of all ages. Through custom designed educational programs and the Align Mindfulness app, Annamarie guides others in bringing attention to what’s happening in the world, to build well-rounded mindfulness muscles, and to bring variety in where one places awareness.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?

I am thankful for your interest! At my core, I am an artist, an entrepreneur, and the child and sister to teachers. These roots can be seen in my personal and career evolution. There is an innate desire in me to create something new, something instructive, something beautiful that also improves life for my community. I have always had a sense of mindful creativity, and in that pursuit, I followed paths that eventually led me to Mind Body Align.

I have a degree in Interior Design, a unique combination of art, architecture, and business. I worked as an interior designer for over 20 years. My goal as a designer was to bring out the best in my clients through their interior spaces. I wanted to create spaces where my clients felt completely themselves — a space that honored who they are and who they want to be. I guess at some point that work just didn’t fulfill me anymore. After a time of introspection; a few years of personal inquiry and actively looking for my life’s purpose, I decided to get my certification as a life coach.

I had attended an amazing women’s retreat just over the border in Canada with a woman named Grace Cirocco. I was so impacted by her wisdom and fearlessness that I decided to coach women. I wanted to create the safe space and the opportunity for women to transform that she had created for me. I had been practicing mindfulness, meditation, and yoga for over 20 years, so when I received my coaching certification, I began coaching with a focus on mindfulness. A year or so later, my company, Mind Body Align was born. Since its origin focused on educating women and networking, we evolved into educators who develop, create, and teach critical life skills which improve the culture of schools, workplaces, and communities for all people.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

I received an invitation to speak to middle school students by one of the women who regularly attended Mind Body Align events. She was a teacher and asked me to teach mindfulness in her health class. I think I was there two full days, and wow! It was an eye opening experience. It had been over 30 years since I had been in a classroom. The attitudes of the children and the teachers, the sound of the bell (which seemed like it blasted every 5 minutes), and the constant and frenzied movement from one room to the next was very stressful. The final day I was there, there were two lock down situations. If I remember correctly, one lock down was because a student had pepper spray. When I left that classroom on Friday afternoon, my body was shaking and the teacher was crying. That teacher left the profession at the end of that school year.

This one two day experience was traumatic, for me and for everyone. I knew mindfulness could help because the neuroscience of mindfulness has been tested and it actually calms the mind. When I returned to my office that day, I said to the person who is now the president of Mind Body Align, we need to do something to help these students and teachers. I then asked my sister who had recently quit teaching (due to the stress of the job) if she would conduct a feasibility study to determine if our area schools would benefit from, and welcome, a mindfulness program. The result was a resounding yes. She received her certification to teach mindfulness with Mindful Schools, and we piloted a program in our local Mansfield City Schools with the help of a grant to the school by our local foundation, the Richland County Foundation.

This experience drove my career and company transition to a mindfulness education company focused on teachers, elementary school, and adults in the workplace. We have now brought mindfulness to thousands of teachers, students, and adults. Amazingly, 1 out of every two students share mindfulness with someone outside of school to help them too. The ripple effects are amazing.

What advice would you give to other leaders about how to create a fantastic work culture?

A great work culture starts with the leader. The company under the direction of the leader needs to:

1) Write a solid mission and vision statement. One that reflects what the leader wants to create in the world.

2) Define the “what’s.” What is the company wanting to accomplish? What problem is it solving? When the company is actively solving the problem, what is it creating?

3) Identify the company core values. These are the principles, or the character traits with which the company is going to meet the mission and vision. They are not just words or phrases; they need to be a part of the operations of the company. The best core values are ones that can apply to all interactions and relationships in the company, with clients, in product development, quality control, and more.

4) A great culture sets clear boundaries around the mission, vision, and values. This follows what I share in my book, which will be published in the fall of 2023, the 3 C’s of Boundary setting: Clarify, Communicate, Commit. Clarify your boundaries and understand the why? Communicate your boundaries and allow for open discussion so that everyone has the ability to influence them in ways that are important to them. And finally commit. Boundaries are not a “one and done.” Once you clarify, and communicate, you will need to communicate, communicate, and communicate. This means that there must also be a practice or process in place for regularly revisiting the boundaries, and shifting or growing them in alignment with changes that occur in the company.

Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

One of my favorite book series is a fictional series by Roland Merullo. It includes Breakfast with Buddha, Lunch with Buddha, and Dinner with Buddha. All three books are set around a relationship between a guru, Volya Rinpoche, and Otto, a reformed Midwesterner who now lives in New York City. I love it because, well…I love all books about road trips. My husband and I travel by Airstream all over the United States and Canada. Throughout the road trip in the novels, the guru, Volya, teaches through his words and actions what it’s like to live mindfully. For me, it stripped away the rose colored glasses that can come with believing in something like mindfulness. The commitment to living mindfully is to always do your best and continue to grow and learn. My great takeaway was that there is no “perfect” at living mindfully; mindfulness is not the panacea for whatever ails you. Life on mindfulness is still life.

Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. From your experience or research, how would you define and describe the state of being mindful?

For me, being mindful is the intention to be present and aware of the inner workings of my mind and body in relation to what’s happening in the world around me. There is a commitment or a shift into paying attention and noticing who I am being and how I am interacting with the world.

This might be intuitive to you, but it will be instructive to spell this out. Can you share with our readers a few of the physical, mental, and emotional benefits of becoming mindful?

Living mindfully is like life in technicolor. Everything becomes more defined and colorful. This includes the felt sensations in your body, the senses, thoughts and thought patterns, habits and beliefs, and both ends of the emotional spectrum. The interesting thing is that all of these are fleeting. When you are paying attention, they wash over you, then they shift and change. Emotions, for example, although more intense and authentic, last only a brief moment. When you realize the thought patterns that keep you suffering, they no longer control your experience. Life is full of moments of awe and intense pain. When you are living mindfully, you are able to put these moments equally into perspective and resist the temptation to grasp the emotional highs and avoid the lows. You are able to experience all of it as an opportunity to live fully alive and continue to learn and grow.

Ok. Here is the main question of our discussion. The past 5 years have been filled with upheaval and political uncertainty. Many people have become anxious from the dramatic jolts of the news cycle. From your experience or research, what are five steps that each of us can take to develop mindfulness during such uncertain times? Can you please share a story or example for each.

1. First, live where you are. Bring your mental focus and energy to the place where your body is. Limit the amount of news media you consume. My approach is to pay attention to the things I feel called to impact. I invest my energy in developing mindfulness curriculums and talking about mindfulness with anyone who is willing to listen. I pay attention to news and media that can support me in doing a better job of that. I am not blind to suffering in the world, I simply realize that adding my mental suffering, stress, and helplessness to the world isn’t changing or supporting anyone. My focus is always on being the best me I can be and investing my unique abilities in living purposefully and impacting the world in the ways that I can.
2. Second, shift your mental focus into the present moment. What I have discovered is that all my stress comes from worrying about something that may (or may not) happen, ruminating about something that already happened, or judging something that is happening now. Notice your thoughts. Are your thoughts in the past, the future, or in the midst of negative judgments? When you shift your attention to what’s happening right here, right now, you have the ability to recognize your thought patterns then you can choose something else. You can choose to notice the blue bird that is sunning itself on the branch outside your window or the slight smell of lavender from your hand soap.
3. Third, choose to extend or enhance your natural mindfulness moments. The moment that you notice you are living in your head is the moment you are being mindful. Every time you notice, even if it’s for just a moment, you are practicing mindfulness. In that moment, you can choose to extend your mindfulness moment by intentionally shifting your focus. My favorite practice is to feel my feet on the floor. Wherever you are when you notice you are “lost in thought,” simply notice the felt sensations of your feet in your shoes and the ground beneath your feet. If you would like, you can continue to move your attention up your body until you get to the crown of your head. This is a powerful practice and can completely change your relationship to what’s happening in the moment.
4. Fourth, when you drink your coffee or tea, drink your coffee or tea. Turn an everyday activity into a mindfulness practice by focusing your attention on the felt sensations of your body and your senses. When you notice you’re caught in thoughts, simply shift your attention back to what you taste, smell, hear, feel, and see. For me, it’s coffee in the morning. I spend that time paying attention. This daily practice turns my coffee break into a mini vacation.
5. Fifth, be curious. I remember reading somewhere that hate begins in the thought stream. Hate, wow…it’s such a strong word. I was curious, do I feel hate? At that moment I began a regular practice of observing my thoughts. I became very curious about my thoughts and how my thoughts influence my emotions, physical sensations, and eventually my actions. Who am I being in this moment, and who do I want to be? For me, calibrating my thoughts based on the gap I notice between these two (who I am being, and who I want to be) is the work that results from mindful awareness. This one practice is life changing!

From your experience or research, what are five steps that each of us can take to effectively offer support to those around us who are feeling anxious? Can you explain?

The most important thing, number one in my experience, is to check-in with your intentions. What is motivating you to act in support? Do you notice any “shoulds” in your internal conversation?” Something like, “He should be over this by now.” Or possibly there is a judgment, “She is acting like a drama queen.” Is there an expectation that your support will make them feel better or change their behavior? Or maybe, you really want to comfort yourself. A number of years ago I saw a sidewalk sign at the entrance to a yoga studio, it said, “Please be mindful of the energy you bring into this space.” Before you move to help or support, set the intention to be who you need to be for them. Do the work so that you can be completely present for them, and trust that they are exactly where they need to be at that moment.

Two, simply listen. It’s essential to move emotion and anxiety out of the body and one way to do that is to talk, cry, or scream. Whatever it takes. Listen with an empathetic ear. This means to be present with them, give them your full attention. It is a habit to want to comfort, to react in ways that minimize or stifle their pain. More often, we want to spare ourselves the discomfort of someone else’s suffering. Resist the temptation to make them feel better or to comfort them. Let their emotions be as they are. Allow them to experience their emotions fully. You are offering them the gift of release.

Three, protect your mental and physical health by setting boundaries around how much of other people’s pain and anxiety you absorb. I have a practice of moving my own and others suffering through me with my breath, called Tonglen. I inhale the suffering that I see and hear around me, and then exhale the relief from suffering. Let’s use sadness as an example. I inhale someone’s sadness to the degree that I can, and then exhale peace, or possibly joy. I go on to inhale sadness I may feel, and exhale peace. Finally, I inhale for anyone in the world who might be feeling sad, and I exhale peace. I continue this breathing exercise (first you, then me, then the world) until it feels natural to stop.

This practice helps me move the energy of the emotions through my body first sadness then peace, sadness then peace, and I feel as if I am providing relief from suffering without changing someone’s experience. Please note that this can be a very intense practice. I would not recommend this for someone who is experiencing intense trauma or grief unless you are working with an experienced therapist or mental health professional.

Invite people around you into your mindful world. Demonstrate for them what mindfulness practice looks like in life. What does sorrow look and sound like when you’re being mindful? What does mindful listening look and sound like? What does decision-making look and sound like? What does conflict look and sound like? Live the mindfulness practice out in the world and, like in the famous scene from the movie When Harry Met Sally, your friends and family may say, “I want what she’s having.”

Fourth, acknowledge the individual who may be suffering or feeling anxious for the ways in which they enhance your life. This is not a practice to minimize their pain, and it is never done when someone is in the midst of a strong emotional release, a moment that calls for empathetic listening. This is a practice that is done when you have a friend or family member who is in a pattern of anxiety and suffering. In this practice, you exercise your ability to bring their attention to their unique abilities and the positive impact they have had. How have they made your life better?

Fifth, show compassion and love to this individual. Many years ago, I read the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Before reading this book, I showed love to my peeps by spending quality time with them, which is my love language. I didn’t realize that they may have a different way of showing and receiving love. My husband, who’s love language is Acts of Service, feels the most loved by me when I do something like fold his laundry. The 5 languages of love and appreciation are physical touch, acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, and gifts. Take time to see and recognize the ways in which they show love to you, and then do the same. You may discover that they begin to expand and build confidence in the unique gifts that they possess and gradually transform into experiencing greater life balance and joy.

What are the best resources you would suggest for someone to learn how to be more mindful and serene in their everyday life?

I started my mindfulness journey with the book, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I also love to listen to the recording of his Findhorn Retreat which you can find on Audible. There are so many amazing authors and books about mindfulness, it is difficult to pick only a few. Later in 2023, I will release my own book. I would suggest someone just start with one book that looks interesting. Some authors may be Dan Harris, Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield, Jon Kabat-Zinn, and Pema Chodron. Then, go down the rabbit hole. Follow your intuition and read books, watch movies, make friends, and join groups that you feel align with where you are and what you want to learn.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life?

I heard somewhere the quote, “suffering is wishing for things to be other than they are.” Whenever I feel stuck in a strong emotion I remind myself of this quote and I get curious about the gap between what I want and what is actually happening. This simple shift into curiosity breaks the looping thought stream that is fueling the emotion. So simple, yet so powerful!

You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I would like to see every pre-service teacher, every currently serving teacher, and every student taught mindfulness breathing and awareness practices. I would like mindful awareness practices to be a part of the cultural fabric of every school. If it was, we could transform our world in one generation.

What is the best way our readers can follow you online?

My Instagram is @mindfullyannamarie, LinkedIn is @amfernyak, you can email me at annamarie@mindbodyalign.com. My company website is https://mindbodyalign.com.

Thank you for these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!