Author Chris Peterson: Nurturing Fathers Provide A Vital Foundation For Confident Children
Before it was in vogue for men to show their soft sides and become active participants in the care of their children, I had a nurturing father.
My father was an outgoing man with a terrific sense of humor, who truly appreciated every moment with his three daughters. Despite his jam-packed work schedule as the owner of our family clothing store, he was there whenever we needed him and always made us the top priority in his life.
He was my pal, my best friend, my Teddy Bear, and a charter member of my fan club. Every afternoon that we could steal to be together was filled with the laughter and warmth that you get from being with someone who loves you unconditionally, and likes you as well.
Men continue to discover the joys of bonding with their sons and daughters from infancy. This brings about new generations of fathers, many of whom work hard to share the responsibility of child care with their wives.
When my high school friends and I were standing in a downpour after going to the movies in Chicago, it was my dad, Allan Wallace, whose car appeared; he jumped out with an umbrella in hand and rescued us from an hour wait for a bus. He ushered us home, taking a detour for some of our favorite treats along the way.
My father owned a clothing store and worked nights, weekends, and holidays, which certainly gave me my strong work ethic.
Yet, he still made the time to help me with my schoolwork, watch me in my community plays, and other events. When I forgot my lunch or my art project, it was my loving dad who came to the school office with the forgotten item and a warm hug. He encouraged my love for writing and saved piles of articles from small and large newspapers as my journalism career progressed.
I have extremely fond memories of going to work with my father on Saturdays. Did I love folding the rows of blue jeans left by a careless customer?
Did I enjoy helping with the inventory? I am not sure. But I know that loved hearing endless family stories from my father and grandmother, enjoying a fully loaded Chicago hot dog and French fries for lunch, and just spending quality time with someone who always gave me the confidence to pursue my writing dreams.
Several airport scenes come to mind while I was in college when I think of my dad. I have just flown home to Chicago from Massachusetts. He is standing there with a homemade sign with my name and hearts all over it. I get in his car and he says, “I refuse to start this car.” I look at him puzzled because he is never gruff. He continues his sentence, “Until I get a big hug.”
Now I can only hug him in my dreams. On July 31, 1986 — sometime in the middle of the night — my beloved father died of a heart attack in his sleep. He was 57.
And all of a sudden without a moment’s notice, it is too late for the thousands of plans we had always counted on for the future. In the blink of an eye, a snap of a finger, someone who meant the world to me is gone…
I remember the days, weeks, and months going by like a blur. I wanted to turn the clock back for one more hug, one more Chicago hot dog with all the trimmings, one more talk about movies, music, and more.
I think of my father all the time, but Father’s Day definitely requires a tribute to my beloved father who left me and my sisters way too soon.
I want to scream from the rafters about how good, kind, and loving he was. I want to tell all who knew him how sad it is that he is gone. And I want to tell everyone who never had the pleasure of hearing one of his Borscht belt jokes, or seeing his smile, that they really missed out.
I also know that when love is that deep, it can also be taken for granted. You just think that it always will be there — the comfort, the love, the letters, phone calls, visits, and special times.
My message for all of us — especially during this global health pandemic in which we often feel lonely, disconnected, and isolated — is that time can run out at any age…for any of us. So, I try not to have any regrets along the way.
I believe how much someone was loved while they lived is a testament to a life well-lived. At 57 years old, my father accomplished more for those he loved than many people do in five lifetimes. He was a total success as a father and I will carry his goodness and sensitivity inside of me and have passed it on to my son, Adam, who, in the Jewish tradition is named for my father.
So, I ask you from the bottom of my heart today, write, call, Zoom, or visit (if you are allowed) your father — or father figure and other loved ones– and do it today. If you can’t get together today, do it as soon as you can. Rearrange your schedule. Start planning a visit when the COVID-19 restrictions are lifted. Don’t be too busy. Don’t put it off too long. You just never know when our time will run out, and you do not want to have regrets.
Do it for yourself and your dad. Do it for me. And do it for all of us who can’t, but wish with all of our hearts that we could.
The following is an interview for Medium with author Chris Peterson, a prolific author and devoted dad who has been a full-time writer for 18 years. His timely new book Dad Skills, How to Be an Awesome Father and Impress All the Other Parents — From Baby Wrangling — To Taming Teenagers delivers simple, hard-hitting tips, and advice in a witty, fun, and easily digestible format.
He is considered perfect for the busy guy who has his eye on the “Father of the Year” award.
The new book — published just in time for Father’s Day — is organized by the child’s stage and age range. Each chapter covers essential insights and techniques for keeping kids happy, safe, healthy…and stopping them from torturing their parents.
Following the style of its tongue-in-cheek predecessor, ManSkills, this new book wraps valid, incredibly useful information inside humorous writing. Chapters cover all stages of the journey.
The book begins with chapters in the early years on how to install a car seat correctly, carry a newborn, diaper like a pro and helping your little one walk, that moves on to dealing with toddlers, sleep issues, babysitters, play dates, and includes building self-confidence, tween and teen issues, family vacations, alternatives to screen time, cooking, finances, and romance.
Here are some top tips from the book:
- Baby Wrangling: Learn how to prep a go-bag so you’re always ready, take a crash course in how to swaddle a baby, and find all you need to know about properly carrying your newborn.
- Dealing with Toddlers: Equip yourself to fight night terrors, learn how to manage tantrums, and make your way through the winding path from crawling to walking.
- The Single-Digit Challenge: Prime your kid to be a super student with a custom geography relief map, find tips for building self-confidence and embrace fun by learning how to make the perfect sandcastle.
- Managing Tweens: Get everyone on the same page by creating a calendar everyone will actually use and learn how to get a tween cooking with easy and fun recipes.
- Taming Teenagers: Everything you should know before having “the talk,” how to build skills through chores or a first job, and how to teach a teen to drive in four easy steps.
- Prepping for the Empty Nest: Tips for staying connected (but not too connected), cherishing memories with a tasteful craft project, and quick and easy ways to redesign a former kid’s room.
Peterson, who has made a name for ghostwriting and DIY books on home improvement and general interest, is most proud of his 29-year-old son, Sam, who he calls “my favorite person in the world to hang out with. I love being a dad and I thoroughly enjoyed writing this book.”
Why did you decide to write Dad Skills?
The idea came from an earlier book of mine called ManSkills, which is more tongue-in-cheek. This has more serious information. We tried to cover the gamut from dads in their 30s to their 50s. I think a lot of times people are going to buy this for a dad as a gift and it eventually ends up in the hands of fathers; while some mothers may find it amusing that men need this info they also enjoy giving it as a present.
What are the main pieces of advice?
There are many great educational topics like how to create a topographic map which is a fun way to learn geography. There is also information that illustrates basic money skills. I have included life topics and life skills, which I consider are things that would have helped me when I was the father of a young child and teenager.
My father was a wise and wonderful dad, but he had very little to do with rearing children; it wasn’t a dad’s role in the 1960s. So, I want to acknowledge that it’s a serious business, but one we should also bring some lightness into for everyone’s mental health.
It seems like there is a lot of material to take away. Is there one major lesson?
Yes, each topic focuses on time and patience. We all know we can get exhausted in our busy lives but it really important to find a reserve of patience and give your children of all ages your time, especially when we are all in such a rush.
I would also advise that you work with your tween on money or learning to do anything in this book because it’s about spending the time you need to spend with your son and daughter that’s the big issue — requires one on one time with your child. The more one-on-one time you can spend with them, no matter the topic will make a huge difference. Find anything you can participate in with them; sports, go out, and have a catch, build something, do crafts, or homework assignments.
Do you see a silver lining for parents of four months of homeschooling?
Yes. Parents spent time creating puppet shows, walking the dog, doing crafts, and then there is the issue of homeschooling. As smart as we are as parents teaching is clearly a specific skill set and a talent. People with kids at home found themselves thrust in the role of teacher and even with remote learning, parents have to be involved in and guiding them. The fun activities in this book might come in handy. And then there is after school work.
My nephew has an 11-year-old and they do yard work and go out for a game of catch; so, the fun activities in the book would be a good way of getting away from the learning environment. You are already stuck at home in close proximity, so I think that added stress is a lot to ask parents to do. My son would come home from high school with math homework that I wasn’t great at, and some parents might not have thought about this before putting it to the test.
My son is one of my best friends. Any father wants his son to be a better man and to learn from his mistakes. My son is a better man than I am, and I am really proud of him. He’s super fun to hang out with. Fun at every stage and left me wishing I had more kids. The only regret I have is that I didn’t have five children.
The best way of fathering during a global health pandemic is…?
With humor like in my book. My big goal, in a nutshell, was one dad speaking to another. I have my funny moments and it’s like I talk to my son using humor. I try to introduce humor whenever I can because I think parenting my son works best with some large doses of humor. We have a lot of inside rather juvenile jokes. I also think men tend to make fun of serious topics when they get together as a way of diffusing more emotional topics. Men’s roles are still evolving as fathers.
In what way?
My father, Norm, was a wise and wonderful dad, but he had very little to do with rearing children; it wasn’t a dad’s role in the 1960s. So, I want to acknowledge that it’s a serious business, but one we should also bring some lightness into for everyone’s mental health.
Talk about the different stages of the fathering journey.
Even with the ups and downs, to tell you why fatherhood so rewarding would take me 24 hours to say; we would need an entire day. When I got married my wife and I agreed we wouldn’t have kids. We were in our mid-20s. We did a lot and had a pretty busy life, a year into our marriage she decided she wanted to have a child and I reluctantly came along. It was an eye-opening experience to realize you could love someone so much.
How do you feel about your son?
My son is one of my best friends. Any father wants his son to be a better man and to learn from his mistakes. My son is a better man than I am, and I am really proud of him. He’s super fun to hang out with. Fun at every stage and left me wishing I had more kids. The only regret I have is that I didn’t have five children.
You can have job satisfaction and achieve in life — even when it wears you out and is frustrating — I wouldn’t trade it for the world. My son is a senior developer for a tech company in Austin Texas and really loves what he does. He went to college for something different — a sports marketing degree. He just knew afterward that it wasn’t right for him, so he went into something he likes doing every day.
How important are fathers and father figures in children’s lives?
That’s up to them. We can have a huge impact. I will confess — we got divorced when my son was two years old. Driving everywhere you get tired. If there’s something you really want to do, you will do it. Nothing more important being with your child and being there in their life. I’ve seen a lot of tired parents rise to the occasion. Fathers can be inspiring in a lot of ways and have a profound influence.
What was your own dad like?
I had an incredible father. He was very quiet and he didn’t talk unless spoken to, but always had something worth listening to. He had a great deal going for me when it came to providing wise counsel. Fathers can have a profound influence as long as they bring the time, patience, and influence. A mother has a unique bond, but a father can always decide to establish one.
My father was a very loving, and very huggable guy and that’s what I remember about him. He wasn’t going to be at the parent-teacher conferences or the high school football games, but he was certainly there when I needed him. People are still okay if a father is not involved, but I encourage them to participate in their children’s lives. It’s important to self-motivate and to continue to talk about these memories you have with your own child whenever you have the opportunity.
