Author Diana Patton On How To Get Past Your Perfectionism And ‘Just Do It’
An Interview with Karina Michel Feld
Record Yourself Cheering Yourself On: We need to hear positive self talk from ourselves. Most people don’t talk to themselves in a positive manner, and most don’t like or trust their own voice. Oftentimes, our inner dialogue is negative and judgmental. I believe we need to record our voices, in an uplifting manner, and listen to it often. We can record our voices on our cell phone and play it back often. We need to speak to ourselves as if we are talking and encouraging a good friend.
Many successful people are perfectionists. At the same time, they have the ability to say “Done is Better Than Perfect” and just complete and wrap up a project. What is the best way to overcome the stalling and procrastination that perfectionism causes? How does one overcome the fear of potential critique or the fear of not being successful? In this interview series, called How To Get Past Your Perfectionism And ‘Just Do It’, we are interviewing successful leaders who can share stories and lessons from their experience about “how to overcome the hesitation caused by perfectionism.
As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Diana Patton.
Diana Patton, Esq, is a social justice advocate, author, speaker and the founder of the RISE Program for schools and organizations. She is also the founder and creator of the Pivot and RISE Mastermind, where professional women become Certified RISE Advocates.
Author of This Yogi’s Journey and the memoir Inspiration in My Shoes, Diana Patton is a Toledo Tedx speaker, recipient of the 2018 Women of Distinction for the Girls Scouts of Northwest Ohio, is featured in the Institute of Integrative Nutrition’s Case Histories book and is listed among the 100 top innovators in the OBO Movement.
Diana has consulted and coached, and has been the keynote for several fortune 500 organizations, along with K-12 schools, colleges, and universities, in the United States and Canada.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
I was born two months after Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s assassination to a White father, Thomas Roland Pinskey, and a Black mother, Joni Alyce Jackson Pinskey, the sixth girl in a family of girls. Eventually, my brother came along, adding one solitary male sibling to our family. Growing up with a family of six siblings was challenging, especially with all of us sharing two rooms and one bathtub.
I had no idea of the chaos, hatred and mayhem of the world that I’d entered — both from the unrest of the Civil Rights Movement and the turmoil nestled deep within my home, living with a mentally and physically abusive father.
I spent most of my childhood alternating between staying with my Aunt Evelyn and my grandma. My mom would leave my father, and we’d hunker down with family for a few months here and there. She would eventually go back to him, and the cycle would continue. I craved a “regular family,” eyeing the idyllic families portrayed on television and wishing I could be one of The Brady Bunch.
My other homes away from home included school and church. No matter what, my mom made sure we went to these two places as they were safe places, and I believe she knew we’d grow.
Yet no one took interest in advocating for us, neither in our schools or in our church. My ten-year older sister eventually ran away because no one believed her when she shared that our dad sexually abused her. Eventually I came to believe that everything my sister shared was true when my father attempted to do the same to me, but, at 14 years old, I pushed him away. I didn’t know it then, but intuitively I knew that I was a fighter. I believe I was born an advocate.
To escape the ongoing challenges in my home, I thrust myself into sports: track, basketball and softball. I also tried marching band and flag corp and became obsessed with doing well in school. I started to dream of leaving my childhood home and moving away to a big city and becoming an attorney.
Eventually, my mom started to notice me. Having five older siblings, it was challenging to gain the attention of my mom, who was working full-time (often double and triple shifts) at a plant. My mom began stuffing little notes of inspiration into my track shoes as a way to encourage me when she couldn’t be there herself.
These notes inspired me so much that I often kept them in my shoes when I ran.
It’s likely you can see the roots of perfectionism in me. I learned the art of working hard, eventually earning me a track scholarship to The University of Toledo. My mom’s notes inspired me to go on to law school to learn how to advocate for others.
I write about my life experiences in my memoir, Inspiration in My Shoes.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“Nothing beats a failure but a try.” My mom said this to me often, which was a phrase her father used to repeat to her. She’d say, “What do you have to lose? Why not try? You won’t know unless you give it a try.”
That stuck with me, and I have used this as my life’s motto. Just go for it. Plus, if I keep God at the center of my life and seek him first, above all other things, and allow him to lead the way, I can do everything because all things are truly possible.
Is there a particular book, podcast, or film that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?
The book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz starts with the agreement, “Be impeccable with your words.” I’ve learned the value of being precise and infallible with my words, and not to use words against myself. Our words have power, and they can transform the way in which we live. That’s because our words start with a thought that eventually becomes a behavior, and it’s what leads our life. Whatever gets repeated, you become. So if we repeat certain patterns of thought and speech, we shape ourselves into that image.
My mother shared this with me often. I encourage my coaching clients to read this book, and it actually helped me to form the basis of my Tedx talk.
You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Authenticity: While working full-time as a legal assistant and managing night law school, I was always my genuine, authentic self. I was simply Diana. People share with me that they appreciate my ability to be honest and vulnerable about my life and my weaknesses. While working there, I discovered my brother tried to kill my mom. I took on taking care of my brother after getting him out of jail, and the law firm where I worked eventually offered my brother a job. I quickly learned that simply by remaining true to myself, I gained the respect and trust of those around me, and when I was in need, they stepped up to support my family. To this day — 27 years later — I can still depend upon some of those people.
Enthusiasm: While working at Owens Corning, I’d greet, smile and enthusiastically engage in conversation with everyone. The Chief Legal Officer noticed this about me, and after only six months on the job, he asked me to lead the United Way Campaign, the largest fundraiser at OC. It was a huge success, and that one opportunity shifted my entire career path…all by being enthusiastic in everyday matters.
Integrity: I love Brene Brown’s definition of integrity: “Choosing courage over comfort, choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them.” I wrote a chapter in Inspiration in My Shoes titled “Commitment Just Does.” That’s because what you do behind the scenes is what everyone eventually sees. You must stay committed to doing what is right, even when no one is watching. This is why you never have to “get ready” when you operate in integrity…because you’re always ready. This is how I live my life with my wellness and health. As an example, I’ve never had to “get ready” to go on vacation by dieting or trying to starve myself, because I eat right and stay fit, and I’ve done this my entire adult life.
Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Let’s begin with a definition of terms so that each of us and our readers are on the same page. What exactly is a perfectionist? Can you explain?
My perfectionism definition: One who feels the need to perpetually work at something until it meets a predetermined criteria. When this criteria is met, it’s still not enough, and that individual strives to perform even better next time.
Fundamentally speaking, perfectionists are never quite satisfied, and they often wear this as a badge of honor. It becomes more than just the work they do; it becomes their overall identity. Perfectionism comes clothed as hard work, or overall good work ethic and determination, but it actually is a person who lacks self-worth and has a low regard for self, who typically questions their ideas and doesn’t trust their instincts.
The premise of this interview series is making the assumption that being a perfectionist is not a positive thing. But presumably, seeking perfection can’t be entirely bad. What are the positive aspects of being a perfectionist? Can you give a story or example to explain what you mean?
It’s good to work hard. Perfectionists get noticed and they catch the eyes of those in high positions and are often promoted. It’s good to pay attention to detail, to be involved with your work, and to work until your efforts meet a certain standard of excellence.
I was promoted from Senior Contract Negotiator to Global Purchasing Director, having only been on my job for two years, because of my perfectionism. This type of promotion was unheard of as people had to work for several years before receiving a promotion like that. Why did this happen? Because when I negotiated my contracts, I provided summaries and created an overall process for negotiations. I didn’t just do my job; I thought of creating a standard operating procedure for the work that I did. That way, the next person who did my job could follow a process.
That’s how I do my work. I’m always thinking ahead and being a bit “extra.” Yet my “extra” got me noticed, and that’s the reason they promoted me.
What are the negative aspects of being a perfectionist? Can you give a story or example to explain what you mean?
I remember spending countless hours writing my law school paper. I had several people edit it, and I found myself reading it about four more times before turning it in. A few days after turning the paper in, I decided to look at it again. On the cover of the paper, I realized I spelled “community” wrong; it was missing an “m.” I almost lost it. I cried, called people and cried some more. I called myself every single name in the book.
What I realized later was my identity was tied to this paper…my worth was tied to that paper. I often wondered what people would think of me. It was a horrific experience.
I learned a valuable lesson from that experience: I needed to let go and not tie work to my overall identity. That’s the negative aspect of perfectionists.
From your experience or perspective, what are some of the common reasons that cause a perfectionist to “get stuck” and not move forward? Can you explain?
A general lack of belief and trust in oneself. Period.
I believe there is so much value in trusting one’s self. When you really believe you do great work and you are willing to bet on yourself, then you will succeed. We all must trust that what we say matters, and we are all capable of generating good ideas.
You must also learn how to fail with grace, and that comes naturally as you challenge yourself by putting yourself in new and often frightening situations. When you view challenges as an opportunity to grow, as opposed to tying it to your identity, you’re more apt to try new things.
As for me, my true identity is found in God. It’s spiritual, and much bigger than any tangible human experience.
Here is the central question of our discussion. What are the five things a perfectionist needs to know to get past their perfectionism and “just do it?” Please share a story or example for each.
- Trust Yourself: Most people that lack the “just do it” mentality don’t trust themselves. Trust comes from a space of integrity. Perhaps there were times in the past where you said you’d do something and you didn’t follow through. Over time, your mind gets confused and it causes an incongruence with yourself. That’s why it’s hard to show up and do the things that are risky, uncomfortable and challenging…because most have lied to themselves in the past, which is a psychological term called cognitive dissonance, or “the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.” To turn this around, it’s important to get quiet, meditate and commune with God to recall the times when you have trusted yourself. It is important to remind yourself of what that felt like. Start by slowly following through on the small goals and tasks you set for yourself. That way, your mind can get back to believing that you’ll follow through on yourself. For me, I believe that God can help me trust myself, when I trust God first, everything falls into place. It goes hand-in-hand for me. But I must do the work. This basic step is to trust yourself. It’s the foundation of just going for it.
- Record Yourself Cheering Yourself On: We need to hear positive self talk from ourselves. Most people don’t talk to themselves in a positive manner, and most don’t like or trust their own voice. Oftentimes, our inner dialogue is negative and judgmental. I believe we need to record our voices, in an uplifting manner, and listen to it often. We can record our voices on our cell phone and play it back often. We need to speak to ourselves as if we are talking and encouraging a good friend.
- Refuse To Edit Yourself: Once you trust yourself, you’ll stop editing yourself. Most people find themselves critiquing the most creative aspects of themselves. That’s because our minds want to see a reflection of what we are thinking and doing in other people, or we wish to see a reflection of what they’re thinking in the world. If we don’t see it, our minds will try to dismiss it. That’s where we need to allow our creative selves to grow, because the most creative, innovative and unique parts of who we are comes from the space of not editing ourselves. We need to write what first comes into our minds, and stop hitting the “delete” button. First, we trust ourselves, and then we are able to stop editing ourselves.
- You Might as well Jump: I was recently in Mexico with my daughter, CC. My son CJ and husband were supposed to join us on our family trip, but CJ was unable to travel due to health complications. My daughter exclaimed upon arrival in Mexico, “Mom, you have to do everything that CJ was going to do.” That was code for, ”Zip lining and jumping off cliffs are in your immediate future.” I assured her I was game for adventures…until I saw the cliff. Heart racing and palms sweating, I stared at the steep fall below me. I began to turn around, mumbling, “I can’t do it.” But then I shifted my thinking and told myself I could do it. I shouted, “Do it!” and jumped. That’s how we need to do our work: We need to trust, cheer ourselves on, get it all out and JUMP!
- Repeat, repeat and repeat: Don’t stop after doing something once. We need to repeat behavior over and over to gain the mental memory. By repeating positive behavior, we learn to trust our gut and allow our creativity to flow. But this only comes by practicing, over and over again, and going for it. You’ll learn as you go. What’s required is action. I know this all too well. This past year, as a result of the pandemic, and the social unrest, I found myself in a holding pattern. I was stuck. It wasn’t until I began to trust God, then trust myself, and follow the steps discussed above that I regained my focus to just go for it.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?
I would inspire a movement to teach people how to work on themselves — to overcome challenges, trauma and life adversities in order to heal — so they can become advocates for themselves, and understand the mission that God has for them. Then they can truly advocate and help others from a space of wholeness, service and authenticity that can drive a movement of change in others to do the same. We must teach people what it is that we “do,” not just what we “say.”
Is there a person in the world whom you would love to have lunch with, and why? Maybe we can tag them and see what happens!
Oh, how I would love to have lunch with Michelle Obama. She stands for everything I believe in. She’s about authenticity, vulnerability, lifelong learning, and becoming the person that she’s been created to be. And she sho-nuff ain’t afraid to share her weaknesses and flaws…and THAT is what I love about her the most.
She advocates for all young women, but it sure is nice when a young Black girl sees a reflection of herself in Michelle. I wish I could have seen her when I was young!
She’s inspiring because she puts the work in. She’s authentically Michelle. She loves herself first, and she’s always letting people in…not because they’ve earned it, but because she lives a life of service and realizes she’ll make the greatest impact by being authentic.
Oh, how I love and adore this woman.
She knows what she’s been put on this Earth to do, and so do I, and we’re going to keep working until the day we leave this Earth. I can’t wait to have her at my dinner table.
How can our readers follow you online?
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
About The Interviewer: Karina Michel Feld is the Owner and Executive Producer of Tallulah Films. Karina has 20+ years of experience in TV, film, and print and is a respected member of The Producers Guild of America. The mission of Tallulah Films is to bring together directors, entrepreneurs, film investors, and screenwriters to produce award-winning TV and film projects. Tallulah Films continues to be drawn towards films that are meaningful, influential, and uplifting. Karina is also Co-Owner and CFO of Fresh Patch LLC (as seen on ABC’s “Shark Tank”).
