Author Gerald “Jerry” Sanford: 5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss
An Interview With Pirie Jones Grossman
Quit concentrating on yourself and volunteer or help others. Find a neighbor who needs help. Volunteer with a charity. You can’t wallow in your own issues if you’re helping people with theirs. Do not abuse alcohol or medication.
The world seems to be reeling from one crisis to another. We’ve experienced a global pandemic, economic uncertainty, political and social turmoil. Then there are personal traumas that people are dealing with, such as the loss of a loved one, health issues, unemployment, divorce or the loss of a job.
Coping with change can be traumatic as it often affects every part of our lives.
How do you deal with loss or change in your life? What coping strategies can you use? Do you ignore them and just push through, or do you use specific techniques?
I’m an ignore them and push on kind of person. Not to make light of others who do not deal with pain in that manor but I am 50 years on the job. I have to let it pass through me. Have I struggled in the past? Undoubtedly. But my therapy now is helping people. If you help people for only a few minutes you’ll always find someone dealing with someone who has worse problems. That keeps things in perspective for me.
In this series called “5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss Or Life Change” we are interviewing successful people who were able to heal after a difficult life change such as the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, or other personal hardships. We are also talking to Wellness experts, Therapists, and Mental Health Professionals who can share lessons from their experience and research.
As a part of this interview series, I had the pleasure of interviewing retired FDNY Firefighter and author Gerald “Jerry” Sanford.
Gerald “Jerry” Sanford is a retired FDNY firefighter living in Naples, Florida. After serving 29 years with the FDNY, he then served 17 years with the North Collier Fire Control and Rescue District as their public information officer and retired for a second time. Sanford then decided to share his remarkable story about September 11th and how the two fire departments were connected by an antique leather helmet in his debut book “It Started with a Helmet: A Retired Firefighter’s Return to New York City the Day before 9/11”.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
I was born in Staten Island, oldest of 4 children. It was a great childhood. Staten Island was considered rural at the time. It was a loving family. I enlisted in the military and was married like a typical young adult at the time.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
It doesn’t cost anything to be nice to people. My mother taught me that and she was right! The world can use more of Mary Virginia Callahan Sanford! She was always helping, the poor, the hungry, the underserved and I’ve followed in her footsteps.
You have been blessed with much success. In your opinion, what are the top three qualities that you possess that have helped you accomplish so much? If you can, please share a story or example for each.
Work hard and I have inner strength and “just trying”. You have to just try. People call me for help all of the time. I don’t have all of the answers, but I make phone calls and help people in distress find the next possible route to their answer. I help veterans find electric wheelchairs, I help planes get moved from one side of the airport to another (why, I don’t know but someone called and asked) I help get a refrigerator for someone whose home burned down and was living in a camper … their fridge broke during the quarantine, so we got them another one.
Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion about ‘Healing after Loss’. Do you feel comfortable sharing with our readers about your dramatic loss or life change?
It was on 9/ll in 2001, when 343 of my brothers ran into burning buildings and 3,000 civilians were murdered. My wife died while we were both suffering from cancer. My cancer was from 9/ll and she had breast cancer. In the 1980’s I had alcohol issues and found help with the help of the fire department. It’s been an adventurous, complicated life but it’s all part life. You just power through and focus on the good that you can do. Whatever you focus on magnifies so if you concentrate on the negative you will get stuck there.
What was the scariest part of that event? What did you think was the worst thing that could happen to you?
The scariest part was you knew what the 343 men were running into. I couldn’t imagine that the buildings would come down. It was all so stunning. I still can’t believe it happened all of these years later.
How did you react in the short term?
Total shock, then I volunteered to go back to help in any capacity I could.
After the dust settled, what coping mechanisms did you use?
Helping people. I went back to work and helped people both as a civil servant and as a humanitarian on my own time.
Can you share with us how you were eventually able to heal and “let go” of the negative aspects of that event?
I built a memorial for $2M in Naples, Florida so they are never forgotten! The Freedom Memorial stands at 1515 Golden Gate Parkway, Naples, Florida.
Aside from letting go, what did you do to create an internal, emotional shift to feel better?
Be the hands of God. Life is more than what happens to us. We were put on this earth to love each other and to do God’s work. Help people, charitable organizations, the food pantry, veterans’ organizations, you name it. If they call, I help.
Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to cope and heal? Can you share a story about that?
My mother was always helping people. It instilled a lifelong passion for giving and charity.
Were you able to eventually reframe the consequences and turn it into a positive situation? Can you explain how you did that?
By building the Freedom Memorial in Naples, Florida.
What did you learn about yourself from this very difficult experience? Can you please explain with a story or example?
Get up every morning and put one foot in front of the other. Just be positive. I didn’t know how I would build that memorial, for example, we raised penny ante funds for years until God sent big donors. It was through the time of the horrible recession. We never gave up and now it is nearly complete.
Fantastic. Here is the main question of our interview. Based on your experiences and knowledge, what advice would you give others to help them get through a difficult life challenge? What are your “5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss Or Life Change? Please share a story or example for each.
Quit concentrating on yourself and volunteer or help others. Find a neighbor who needs help. Volunteer with a charity. You can’t wallow in your own issues if you’re helping people with theirs. Do not abuse alcohol or medication.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?
A kindness campaign. Just be nice to people. Smile at people. Buy lunch for the person behind you at the drive through. It’s really so easy to be kind.
We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them. :-)
I’m a huge fan of Steve Buscemi. He is an actor who was once with Engine 55 of FDNY. He also went back to help after 9/11.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
We are on social media, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and TikTok (mostly TikTok) and chat live daily at 7 pm. Follow us @ItStartedWithaHelmet
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
About The Interviewer: Pirie Jones Grossman is a certified Life Coach, TedX Speaker, influencer, best selling author and co-founder and co-host of the podcast, “Own Your Throne”. She has shared the stage with speakers such as Deepak Chopra, Elisabeth Gilbert, Marianne Williamson, Kris Carr, His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor. She coaches women on focusing on self esteem, and helping women reignite the second chapter of their lives!
She’s a writer for Thrive Global and Huffington Post. She’s a former TV host for E! Entertainment Television, Fox Television, NBC, CBS and ABC. She was Co-Chair for the Special Olympics International World Winter Games in Idaho and spoke at the UN on behalf of Special Olympics. She is the founder of the “Love is Louder” Brain Health Summit with Suicide survivor, Kevin Hines, focusing on teenage depression and suicide. She gave a TedX talk about, “How To Heal A Community from Suicide.”
Pirie has her Masters in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica, California. She is a Sun Valley Wellness Institute Board member and lives in Sun Valley, Idaho with her two teenagers where she has a private Life Empowerment coaching practice.
