Author Jan Stewart On How to Raise Children Who Feel Loved and Connected

An interview with Pirie Jones Grossman

Talk openly with your children — Whether your child has a mental health disorder or not, when they don’t understand what is happening in their lives or why they are causing problems at home or at school, they are naturally frightened. They can experience anguish and shame. As I mentioned earlier, it’s important for parents to be able to discuss their children’s feelings with them, listen carefully and let them know that their fears are understood.

As a part of our series about How to Raise Children Who Feel Loved and Connected, I had the pleasure to interview Jan Stewart.

Jan Stewart is a highly regarded mental health governance expert, author and advocate who currently chairs Kerry’s Place Autism Services, the largest autism services provider in Canada. Her brutally honest memoir Hold on Tight: A Parent’s Journey Raising Children with Mental Illness, which will be published by Barlow Books in March, details her non-stop, emotional roller coaster life parenting two children with multiple mental health disorders. Her mission is to inspire and empower parents to persevere, have hope and not give up, as well as to better educate their families, friends, health care professionals, educators and employers. The link to her 5 Things video can be found at https://youtu.be/0pJDOy0QoIg.

Thank you so much for joining us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to get to know a bit about you. Can you tell us your “childhood backstory”.

As a born and bred New Yorker, I always thought I would spend my life in New York City, but I surprised myself by moving to Toronto when I married a Canadian years ago. We were naturally excited to start our lives together. David had a lovely, small house in the city, and I was able to transfer my Wall Street job to J.P. Morgan’s Toronto office. We started planning for the future.

One year later, I became pregnant with our son Andrew. His sister Ainsley came along 22 months later. Neither my husband nor I had faced any real adversity in our lives, and we assumed that our children’s lives would follow in the same successful pattern as ours had. Our biggest worries for the future centred on which schools and camps to send them to.

Unfortunately, cracks began to show almost immediately. We found ourselves raising not one, but two children with multiple, complex mental health and developmental disorders. Andrew has autism, Tourette Syndrome, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, ADHD and learning disabilities, while Ainsley also has Tourette Syndrome, ADHD and learning disabilities, along with mood and anxiety disorders. As I write in my upcoming book, we were unprepared, distressed and frightened. Our lives turned upside down.

Can you share the story about what brought you to this specific point in your career?

All parents face challenges raising their children. These include discipline, time management, loneliness, overindulgence and learning to parent the child you have rather than the child you wish you had, to name just a few. But these challenges are significantly magnified when a parent has a child with a mental health disorder. These disorders are terrifying for the child (as well as for their parents). They are naturally frightened — even if they don’t say so — when they don’t understand what is happening in their lives, why they are causing havoc and pain for themselves and their families or why they are in crisis. They want help! As a parent, it is incumbent upon every one of us to give them that help.

I’m on a mission to inspire and empower parents to lead more fulfilling lives, both for themselves and their children. I have learned the power of perseverance and of not giving up. I am a hope ambassador.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the core of our discussion. This is probably intuitive to many, but it would be beneficial to spell it out. Based on your experience or research, can you explain to us why it is so important to forge a strong connection with our children?

It is critical to forge a strong connection with your children. My husband and I understood that Andrew and Ainsley were in distress as young children. It was obvious. At age nine, Andrew started experiencing horrific two hour screaming rages — almost every day — associated (although we didn’t know it at the time) with his Tourette Syndrome, as well as bizarre compulsive rituals with his OCD. These included tapping people’s shoulders 14 times, hoarding garbage and glass shards under his bed and even licking the filthy subway floor, all because his brain overrode reason and “told” him that if he didn’t repeatedly do these rituals, his sister would be kidnapped or we would die. Ainsley’s behaviour was out of control at school; she jumped on desks, shouted out, ran around and was disruptive. She was constantly sent to the Principal’s office. She also had difficulty reading her friends’ social cues, gradually leading her to lose every friend she had in the neighbourhood. This understandably affected her self-esteem.

The children were miserable, and it was important for us to sit down with each of them and openly and transparently discuss and validate — at age appropriate levels — their feelings and fears. We listened carefully, without being critical or judgmental, and let them know they were valued in order to make them feel understood and connected.

When Andrew told us that he felt he was going crazy and wanted to die, I froze. When Ainsley left a note on my bed one afternoon after being sent to the principal’s office for the umpteenth time that said, “I know I’m a bad kid but the only way to get rid of the chaos inside myself is to act out”, I shrunk inside.

So what did David and I do? We put aside our own fears, addressed the elephant in the room and let them know that we wouldn’t stop until we found the right help. We listened, didn’t hide or avoid information, and we reinforced that we would keep them safe and protected. We separated their identities from their disorders, ensured they understood that this was not their fault and stressed that they were not “bad” children, that instead it was their disorders wreaking havoc.

And, as hard as it has been at times, my husband I have always worked in partnership. Of course we have disagreements about everything from discipline to permissiveness, but we have always done so in private and reach compromises that we both can live with. In order for the children to feel connected and loved, it is important for them to see us acting in concert on their behalf. Our children know that we move forward as a family unit, persevering and facing adversity together.

Good parenting is all about unconditional love and communication. Talk openly with your children and don’t judge. Listen. Let them know you are not going to sit back. This will instill in them the confidence to know that you are not only their provider, but their protector, their advocate and their promoter.

What happens when children do not have that connection, or only have a weak connection?

Every person, whether child or adult, needs a “go to” person who provides essential emotional support. When children, in particular, lack that connection with their parents or have a weak connection, they do not feel loved.

Through my mental health governance and advocacy work — which has ranged from currently chairing Kerry’s Place Autism Services, Canada’s largest autism services provider organization, to previously acting as Vice Chair at CAMH, Canada’s leading psychiatric hospital and a global centre of excellence, and sitting on the Parent Advisory Council at Massachusetts General Hospital’s Department of Neuropsychopharmacology — many parents of children with mental health disorders have reached out to both David and me for help. These parents are struggling, frightened, frozen. They feel isolated and alone, at the end of their ropes. A number of them have told us their children just don’t feel loved. Some have difficulty accepting the reality of their own situation.

While I am a realist at heart, I do believe that parents want what’s best for their children. Connected relationships lead to better outcomes for the children. When this doesn’t happen, a myriad of problems can arise. Parents who have experienced these issues have told me that their children experience:

• Greater stress and anxiety
• Lack of self-esteem, self-worth and confidence
• The belief that no one understands them, leading to feelings of loneliness and isolation
• Problems with aggressive behaviour, emotional self-regulation and handling of new situations
• Difficulties with problem solving
• Issues with closeness and intimacy
• Difficulties forming and maintaining healthy relationships and with social acuity

As parents, we must give our children emotional support, our time and our love. I tell my children that I love them every day, and I have done so since the day there were born. David and I always let them know that we are in their corner and will help them find solutions. They feel secure and protected.

This doesn’t mean that both parents have to do everything together in order to make their children feel connected. As I write in Hold on Tight, in my family, I conduct the majority of the research, finding doctors, schools and housing, while my husband has acted as more of the important fun parent, going to baseball and hockey games with the children, helping to coach their childhood teams and taking them camping. I say “important fun parent” because children feel so loved when their parents engage in activities with them that they enjoy. The key is moving forward together and modeling this behaviour for your children.

Parents must act as a team when it comes to raising their children. Children have antennae and are acutely aware when their parents are not on the same page. They overhear them blaming, accusing or undermining one another. For children with mental health disorders, medications can be a major source of parental conflict; one partner may not believe in medications, think that the child doesn’t need them, be concerned about side effects or that the child will face stigma and be singled out as “different”. These divisions heighten stress in children and can lead them to blame themselves for causing problems between their parents.

My husband and I have experienced these challenges. The demands of Andrew’s and Ainsley’s care have been so overwhelming at times as to leave no time for each other, much less ourselves. Yet we have always understood the importance of trusting one another, giving each other the benefit of the doubt and leaning on each other. What matters is that our children see us acting harmoniously — as a unit — in their best interests.

Importantly, good parenting doesn’t mean ignoring rules, consequences and boundaries. These play a vital role in helping children feel secure and safe. They provide guidance to help them develop problem-solving skills, learn acceptable behaviour, patience and responsibility. Yes, we parents have to be understanding and flexible. But we must also teach our children the difference between right and wrong and prepare them for their futures.

Be available. Connect with your children. Say “I love you” and mean it!

Do you think children in this generation are less likely to feel loved and connected? Why do you feel the way you do?

I’m no expert in this area, but I hope that’s not the case. Teenage angst aside, the fact that we as a society are speaking more openly about the importance of love and connection is a positive, hopeful sign.

There is no question in my mind that parents today are more involved and engaged with their children than previous generations were. My husband knew that his parents clearly loved him, but they largely left him to his own devices and didn’t “interfere” much, unlike my parents. Parents now are better educated about effective strategies to raise children, with a large number of resources to help guide them: books, talk shows, workshops, the internet…the list is almost endless. Schools have also jumped on the band-wagon and are more child-centric and attuned to the needs of the child. And today’s children, as a group, are activists. They are more connected to the world, interested in helping the poor and the marginalized and are addressing important issues like climate change and homelessness.

On the flip side, however, there appears to be greater permissiveness and less discipline. This can inflate a child’s sense of entitlement and lead them to become self-centred. I have witnessed this with a friend’s 10 year old son. He didn’t get the cell phone he wanted for his birthday. He actually threw a tantrum, demanding it was his “right” to receive the phone. And unfortunately the parents caved in and bought it for him the next day. This is not role modeling the type of behaviour needed to teach him responsibility, self-control or realistic expectations about life.

We live in a world with incessant demands for our time and attention. There is so much distraction and disconnection. Can you share with our readers 5 steps that parents can take to help their children feel loved and connected? Please include examples or stories for each, if you can.

The demands parents face can be crushing at times. This is even truer for parents of children with mental health disorders. As I write in Hold on Tight, the stress and strain can be debilitating. Here are five insights that parents can take to help their children feel loved and connected:

1. Talk openly with your children — Whether your child has a mental health disorder or not, when they don’t understand what is happening in their lives or why they are causing problems at home or at school, they are naturally frightened. They can experience anguish and shame. As I mentioned earlier, it’s important for parents to be able to discuss their children’s feelings with them, listen carefully and let them know that their fears are understood. My husband and I have always actively encouraged the children to share their feelings. When Andrew told us he wanted to die and when Ainsley described her distress with her misbehaviour, it was only by picking ourselves up and forcing ourselves to shake off our own fears that we were able to overcome our instinctual reactions. We moved quickly to talk with them. We showed them that we were on their side. We let the children know we understood what they were feeling and would find the right help. And we didn’t shy away from discussing the children’s medications with them. Some parents have told me they fear their children won’t want to take medications and so instead tell them that they are taking special vitamins. I don’t believe this is helpful. We involved Andrew and Ainsley in their own treatment and educated them about what each medication was used for. We asked them how they felt in order to monitor side effects and hopeful improvements, particularly when changes or new medications were introduced. As they became older, this empowered them to become increasingly active in their own treatment.
2. Boost your child’s self-esteem — Help your child feel good about themselves by letting them know how proud you are of them. Give them praise and compliments. Make them feel valued and special. My husband and I never wanted the children to be defined or limited by their mental health disorders. We repeatedly told them that they could be and do anything they wanted in life. And they believed us and internalized it. Ainsley has significant learning disabilities. Both she and Andrew attended Eagle Hill School, a private independent high school in Massachusetts for children with ADHD and learning differences. Ainsley took remedial math two years in a row and struggled with organizing and completing her work. She knew that she wanted to become a Child and Youth Counselor to help young autistic children. And, in spite of her learning disabilities, she was determined to attend university in her chosen field. She worked with a wonderful tutor and it took her an extra year of studies to graduate, but she did it! Can you imagine my pride as she stepped onto the stage in her blue cap and gown? And Andrew’s lack of filter from his autism and ADHD has come in handy. When he decided he wanted to work for the Toronto Police Service as a civilian employee years ago, he simply contacted the police chief. And several months later, he was hired! Four years ago, when he was ready for a new job, he reached out to the new Chief Executive Officer of Rogers Communications, one of Canada’s leading telecommunications companies, and again he was hired shortly thereafter. Instill the belief in your children that they can succeed. Encourage them. Compliment them. Teach them to hope and to persevere!
3. Show your love — Benevolent touch makes a child feel loved. There are exceptions in the developmental services world where, for example, certain autistic children have sensory sensitivities. For the majority of children, however, there is nothing like a good hug to make them feel connected. In my home, verbal and physical affection are the norm. We hold hands, put our arms around each other and say we love each other every day. It helps that I was raised in a family that always hugs and kisses one another and that is very comfortable with daily expressions of love. And when the kids are in crisis, long bear hugs — non-violent crisis intervention-type hugs — help them calm down. I can feel their bodies relax after a minute or two (which is actually quite a long time to hug your child: try it!), and I continue to hold them tightly until they signal they are ready for me to stop. When Andrew was experiencing those awful rages, his screams would turn to whimpers after several hours, which was my signal that he was ready for and needed my hug. And Ainsley, who continues to experience severe anxiety, often openly verbalizes the desire for a hug to help centre and calm her. Love your children unconditionally. Tell them! Show them!
4. Don’t be afraid to set limits and rules — As most parents know, the goal of good discipline is not to punish the child but to help them learn acceptable behaviour, responsibility and self-control. Limits also provide children with a sense of safety and protection. It’s important for parents to develop rules for their children to follow. These could be, for example, no TV until after homework or chores are done, no climbing on the furniture, or no yelling or hitting. With Andrew’s severe impulsivity and cognitive deficits, he has gotten himself into trouble numerous times. Since childhood, we have instituted behavioural contracts with his consent that help him gradually regain control and settle down. These contracts outline expectations for him, for example not going into any store that sells electronic or telecom devices due to his impulsivity and limiting the number of people he ‘friends’ on social media. He earns rewards that are meaningful to him, such as the purchase of an Apple gift card or points towards attending a Toronto Blue Jays’ game; if he violates any of the conditions in the contracts, consequences include losing his spending money saved to date per violation. As a child, Ainsley was the unwitting beneficiary of many time-outs. They didn’t always work, but when she broke the rules, for example hitting Andrew, jumping up on a couch or was rude, she gradually learned to understand why her behaviour had been inappropriate and lessen her attention seeking. One of the most important aspects of this insight is to remember to be consistent and follow through. It’s easy to want to please your children, but responsible parenting requires some tough love. Role model the behaviour you want to see your child adapt.
5. Don’t forget siblings — Parents of children with mental health disorders have to spend inordinate amounts of time attending to and caring for their child. This can be all-consuming. When a brother or sister doesn’t face these challenges, they can appear to demand less time and attention. It becomes easy, unintentional as it is, to relegate that child to the background so you can focus fully on the crisis at hand. My husband and I knew that Ainsley was deeply affected by Andrew’s rages, and we didn’t want her to feel less important or inferior. The key was spending lots of 1:1, special time with her alone, in activities that she enjoyed. Since either my husband or I had to remain with Andrew, we took turns going skating with her, baking and playing board games like Candyland or Checkers. We found a wonderful urban farm program for siblings experiencing trauma, and she adored having time away from the stresses at home, getting hugs and guidance from the staff and caring for the animals, leading her to develop a life-long love of animals. And most importantly, we openly discussed Andrew’s challenges with her at her level, which helped her better understand what was happening in both their lives and further validated her feelings.

How do you define a “good parent”? Can you give an example or story?

To me, good parents love their children unconditionally, no matter how difficult the challenges. They are consistent and follow through on promises and actions. They are firm but fair, and protect their children while allowing them to test their limits in order to become increasingly independent as they grow older. They remember the importance of fun, and they enthusiastically accept and embrace their child, rather than wishing for a different child. They importantly know when to seek help. And, above all, they talk openly with their children — at their level — listening and validating their children’s feelings and fears. They address whatever is on their child’s mind and do not hide or avoid information.

My children have benefited from this in spades. Interestingly enough, however, good parenting isn’t always about helping your child become more independent. Andrew’s severe anxiety means that he is always concerned about his future. When he was in his early 20s, he moved into a lovely private group home ten minutes away from our house. The residence had a high staff/resident ratio, and he felt loved and secure. Ten years later, however, management moved towards a more transitory environment that promoted independence, and Andrew’s angst was raised. He suffered panic attacks and became excessively worried. We knew that the key to his successful day-to-day functioning was to provide him with safety and protection, not more independence. It was time to find a new home. We found a bright one-bedroom apartment five minutes from our house, and we take turns going to him every morning to wake him, give him his medications, oversee him getting ready for work, prepare his meals and send him off for the day.

A good parent understands what their child needs and wants and follows through accordingly.

How do you inspire your child to “dream big”? Can you give an example or story?

As the parent of two children with multiple mental health disorders, it is so important to inspire them to dream and to have hopes for the future. As I write in Hold on Tight, “Of course I want them to be happy and stable. I want them to know that their perseverance and will to succeed will help them climb out of every crisis they face. I want them to be productive citizens who enjoy their jobs, give back to their communities and engage in activities that give them joy, whether watching the Jays play or taking Ainsley’s dog for a long walk. I want them to remember that they are surrounded by people who love and support them. And I want them to understand how special they are and that they both make a difference in the lives of every person they touch.”

And how do my husband and I do that? We learned early on to encourage the children to pursue their own interests and passions, rather than ours. I had been a serious ballet student throughout my youth and couldn’t wait for Ainsley to begin. I carefully researched dance studios in Toronto, and at the age of four or five, she and three of her friends started class. The teacher never contacted me to let me know there were any problems, but at the holiday concert that December, it was apparent that Ainsley had no interest in ballet. It was too disciplined and rigid for her, she made faces and clowned around and was obviously bored. I kicked myself for not having thought of her needs and wants, instead focusing on my dreams. We immediately pulled her out of ballet and put her in ice hockey at her request, where she excelled as a goalie. A great parenting lesson.

I have made other mistakes. After repeatedly telling Andrew growing up that he was not limited by his challenges, he decided that he wanted to attend M.I.T. after high school. I had let him dream, and dream big, but unrealistically so. He wasn’t a candidate for any post-secondary institution. He was understandably resentful, and I was upset at myself for having let him pursue such an unattainable dream. Another great parenting lesson.

David and I have instilled in the children our belief that adversity can make them stronger and even more determined to pursue their dreams. Who would have thought that Ainsley would graduate from university, much less high school? Who would have thought that Andrew would have a full-time job and embrace life with such joy?

Above all, we have helped the children believe that they can reach their dreams and goals as long as they persevere. We have role modeled that behaviour through our respective careers on Bay Street (Canada’s Wall Street), where they watched us work hard and progress. And I look at them now with such pride: both of them have been relentless in pursuing careers that they love. Their determination, grit and will to succeed are simply breathtaking.

How would you define “success” when it comes to raising children?

Many parents of special needs children have told David and me that we are inspirational parents. I understand and thank them. We have role modeled the values we want our children to internalize and follow, those of honesty, hard work and caring for others. We have given them as much responsibility as we believe they can capably handle, have let them make mistakes within acceptable parameters and have focused on building feelings of positive self-esteem and pride in themselves.

We have equally emphasized with them that each person is unique, with their own strengths and capabilities. There is no point in comparing themselves to others, particularly to peers who don’t face their challenges and who have gotten married, have high paying jobs and are beginning to raise families. Andrew and Ainsley are special and memorable just the way they are.

It’s not about their education, their jobs or how much money they have. It’s not about where they live or whether they are famous or not. It’s about finding their own fulfilling niches in life. It’s about always trying their best, about being kind and caring, about being good people.

This is a huge topic in itself, but it would be worthwhile to touch upon it here. What are some ideal social media and digital habits that you think parents should teach to their children?

I didn’t grow up in the digital age, so am frankly not educated in social media and digital habits. That said, I have recently started my own Instagram and Facebook pages at janstewartauthor in anticipation of my book being released in March. So I have gotten a taste of how alluring it can be but equally how addictive and risky. And I have seen how it can dominate children’s lives.

Shortly before Andrew joined the police, he got himself into trouble with social media. In early 2015, a social media officer in the Toronto Police Service’s Corporate Communications Department contacted me and told me that Andrew had been sending hundreds of social media and Facebook friend requests to officers and Police Service staff. This had raised red flags at the Service. I was scared for Andrew but, fortunately, the officer was understanding. He spent significant time with Andrew and explained the gravity of the situation to him. Together with Andrew’s psychologist along with my husband and me, he developed a Social Media Code of Conduct for Andrew. He explained the difference between friends and acquaintances and developed black and white solutions that Andrew could understand. Andrew was not allowed to make any new friend requests to officers. He removed hundreds of police and Emergency Task Force contacts from his social media accounts and was told that he could only communicate with three officers to start. Andrew was so relieved that he was not in trouble with the police that he easily complied.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a better parent? Can you explain why you like them?

There are a number of books about parenting children with mental health disorders that have inspired me. These include, for example, Ross Greene’s Raising Human Beings: Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child or booklets and videos from such organizations as the Tourette Association of America or the International OCD Foundation. I still reread Adele Faber’s and Elaine Mazlish’s 1980 book How to Talk So Kids with Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. And among the best resources are simply talking with other parents of children with similar disorders to learn what has worked for them and not. That is why I wrote Hold on Tight: I want to inspire and empower parents to persevere and have hope!

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

As I was writing my book, my publisher asked me to select a quote that was meaningful to me. I googled inspirational quotes, went to the library and when I came upon Teddy Roosevelt’s quote, “Believe you can, and you’re halfway there”, it resonated with me. My children have faced heartbreaking adversity in their lives. They have nevertheless enjoyed many successes, largely due to their determination and tenacity. Our lives are all about hope and perseverance.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

There is such a crying need to fight stigma. How about the Stop Stigma movement?

As I recently wrote in Authority Magazine’s Mental Health Champions series, “In our society, people who are ‘different’ are misunderstood, seen as inferior or even dangerous. Mental illness can be elusive: it’s hard to define, varies from person to person and cannot be measured the way most physical disorders can be. A lack of understanding can cause fear. A lack of awareness can reinforce inaccurate stereotypes and impressions. I have talked with parents who say their families and/or friends actually believe that their children are contagious or a stain on the family name. What would you do if one of your relatives said that to you? I have overheard comments that people living with mental illness are morally deficient. The fear of the unknown remains a powerful contributor to stigma.

“If mental health disorders remain hidden from discussion, misunderstandings grow and we cannot move forward. We need to shout out and help others understand there is nothing to be afraid of and that these disorders are chemical imbalances of the brain, similar to people living with epilepsy and diabetes in other parts of the body. That’s why our family agreed to participate in the award-winning Canadian documentary OCD: The War Inside years ago. The documentary tells the poignant stories of four individuals with severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, including Andrew. Twenty years later, he continues to receive grateful messages on social media from people around the world after they have watched his story on YouTube.

Although there is greater awareness around mental health today, the media continues to sensationalize mental illness and portray violent or evil mentally ill characters. I think of the film Fatal Attraction, where Glenn Close’s character, who had borderline personality disorder, was obsessed, aggressive and dangerous. I love the television series Law and Order, but it often portrays criminals with mental illness, further perpetuating negative stereotypes. And I think of the media’s focus on violent offenders who are experiencing homelessness, or on the small minority of people with Tourette Syndrome who have coprolalia, where they repeatedly blurt out obscenities, positioning them clearly as “crazy”.

“One of the biggest barriers to breaking stigma around mental illness is that individuals living with mental health disorders are often vulnerable and unable to advocate for themselves. This is gradually changing as people with lived experience are increasingly organizing themselves and advocating. But the community remains overly fractured on my view, lacking the needed power, cohesion and organization.”

We are doing better but we have a long way to go. Mental illness is the next frontier.

Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!

About The Interviewer: Pirie is a TedX speaker, author and a Life Empowerment Coach. She is a co-host of Own your Throne podcast, inspiring women in the 2nd chapter of their lives. With over 20 years in front of the camera, Pirie Grossman understands the power of storytelling. After success in commercials and acting. She spent 10 years reporting for E! Entertainment Television, Entertainment Tonight, also hosted ABC’s “Every Woman”. Her work off-camera capitalizes on her strength, producing, bringing people together for unique experiences. She produced a Children’s Day of Compassion during the Dalai Lama’s visit here in 2005. 10,000 children attended, sharing ideas about compassion with His Holiness. From 2006–2009, Pirie Co-chaired the Special Olympics World Winter Games, in Idaho, welcoming 3,000 athletes from over 150 countries. She founded Destiny Productions to create Wellness Festivals and is an Advisory Board member of the Sun Valley Wellness Board.In February 2017, Pirie produced, “Love is Louder”, a Brain Health Summit, bringing in Kevin Hines, noted suicide survivor to Sun Valley who spoke to school kids about suicide. Sun Valley is in the top 5% highest suicide rate per capita in the Northwest, prompting a community initiative with St. Luke’s and other stake holders, to begin healing. She lives in Sun Valley with her two children, serves on the Board of Community School. She has her Master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica and is an Executive Life Empowerment Coach, where she helps people meet their dreams and goals! The difference between a dream and a goal is that a goal is a dream with a date on it!