Author Jessica Speer On Raising Children With Healthy Social Media & Digital Media Habits

An Interview With Maria Angelova

Let’s start with healthy digital habits. Families should put these habits in place as soon as kids have access to digital devices, as they offer a framework for healthy habits.

Young people today are growing up in an era where screen time is a given from a very young age. Unfortunately, studies show that large amounts of screen time can be damaging, and social media can be even worse. Our children are facing enormous challenges before their brains and bodies have had a chance to develop fully. Social media can potentially keep kids from developing social cues and lead to increased mental health challenges, bullying, and much more. So what can parents do to create healthier habits around social media? How can kids be taught to use social media in a healthy way that causes as little damage as possible? In this interview series, we are talking to authors, and mental health professionals, about Raising Children With Healthy Social Media and Digital Media Habits. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing author Jessica Speer.

Jessica Speer is the highly acclaimed author of several books for preteens and teens, including the forthcoming, The Phone Book — Stay Safe, Be Smart and Make the World Better With That Powerful Device in Your Hand (Releasing Summer 2023). Blending science, stories, and insights, her writing unpacks tricky stuff that peaks during childhood and adolescence. She has a master’s degree in social sciences and explores topics in ways that connect with kids. For more information, visit JessicaSpeer.com.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?

Thank you so much for hosting me and exploring this important topic. Like many parents, I’ve been trying to figure out how to raise kids with healthy habits, which is no easy task in today’s tech-obsessed world. I became increasingly concerned about kids’ tech use and well-being during the pandemic. After watching the documentary, the Social Dilemma, I began researching and writing another book that dives deep into safe and healthy tech habits. Kids are so intelligent. I find that they make better choices when armed with information and awareness. This book shares stories and insights to help kids navigate the online world in safer, healthier, and smarter ways. It also gives families a framework and guidance on managing screen use, social media, and more.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now?

In addition to preparing for this summer’s release of The Phone Book, I’m working on content to help kids and families connect and communicate in healthy ways.

Is there a particular resource that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

While researching this book, I dove deep into studies on the impacts of technology on kids and teens. Many researchers, universities, and organizations are working hard to understand tech’s psychological, social, emotional, and physical impacts on kids. One of the organizations doing amazing work is Children and Screens-Institute of Digital Media and Child Development. This nonprofit funds research and regularly hosts free webinars with leading experts. These webinars are available on their YouTube channel. Children and Screens have their pulse on the latest research findings and collaborate with experts worldwide to gather and share information.

Fantastic. Let’s now turn to the main part of our interview. For the benefit of our readers, can you tell us a bit about why you are an authority on how to help children develop healthy social media habits?

As a nonfiction author with a social sciences background, gathering kids’ insights and experiences is integral to my writing process. While researching The Phone Book, I found that many preteens and teens have a love-hate relationship with technology and their devices. Phones help them connect with friends, create content and learn new things, which is positive and important. Yet phones also may negatively impact their body image, self-esteem, sleep, and more. There’s a thin line between useful and harmful tech use, and the line is not always clear. In The Phone Book, I try to help kids understand this and use tech as a force for good.

From your experience or research, can you help articulate some of the downsides of children having access to social media? Is there an amount of time, or certain content, that is just too much?

It’s important to note that most social media platforms have a minimum age of 13, yet many younger children use social media. Almost 40% of tweens (ages 8–12) have used social media, according to a 2021 report by Common Sense Media.

Studies have found an association between time spent on social media and symptoms of depression and anxiety. So the more time preteens and teens spend on social media, the more likely they are to experience depression and anxiety. It is unclear whether using social media leads to these symptoms or if teens who are already more depressed or anxious use it more than their peers do. However, research suggests that social media use might, at least to some degree, lead to these symptoms. Researchers also believe that social media use can disrupt sleep, leading to poor mental health.

Is there a positive side too? Can children gain and grow from social media?

Yes, there’s a positive side for teens (ages 13+). A recent Pew study found that 80 percent of teens say social media provides a space for connection with peers, creativity, and an opportunity to seek support. When asked about the overall impact of social media on them personally, 32% of teens say its effect has been primarily positive, as opposed to 9% that say it has been primarily negative.

The largest share describes the impact of social media in neutral terms: 59% believe it has had neither a positive nor a negative effect on them. For teens who view social media’s impact as mostly positive, many describe maintaining friendships, building connections, or accessing information.

Because preteens are not as developmentally mature and social media is not designed for children under 13, the negatives may outweigh the positives for this age group.

Social media is an accepted part of life today. We know that along with all of the good comes a lot of challenges. From your experience or research, what five steps can we take to raise children with healthy social media and digital media habits?

Let’s start with healthy digital habits. Families should put these habits in place as soon as kids have access to digital devices, as they offer a framework for healthy habits.

How Can Parents Help Kids Build Healthy Digital Habits:

1. Model Healthy Tech Habits Yourself: Kids model their caregivers’ behaviors, so our tech habits matter. For example, if I’m texting and the person I’m in the room with asks me a question, I put my phone down, look them in the eye, and respond. If I hear my phone ding, I try not to check it immediately. I try not to look at my phone in the car. (I enabled a feature to hold calls and texts while I’m driving) All of these habits model behaviors I would like my kids to learn. Be sure to model healthy habits from infancy onward as kids learn from us every step of the way.
2. Establish a Tech Agreement: Many great agreements are available online. Look for one that is respectful and encourages kids to make wise choices. When expectations are clear, our kids and teens understand family rules. Agreements also encourage conversations about cyberbullying, online safety, and more.
3. Help Kids Understand the Dark Side of Tech: Social media, video games, and apps are for-profit companies with a key objective: to make money. To be profitable, they need eyes on their platforms, including kids’ eyes. The more time people spend on screens, the more money these companies make from advertisers who use their platforms to sell their products. These companies also use persuasive design techniques to keep people scrolling and playing. Watching films like Social Dilemma and sharing news stories such as the Facebook/Instagram Files helps preteens and teens be informed consumers of technology.
4. Prioritize Sleep: Sleep is fundamental to mental health and well-being, yet many kids and teens are sleep deprived. More and more studies show that when technology is allowed in bedrooms, it interferes with adequate rest. Some teens stay up too late doing homework; others secretly text friends late into the night. The blue light emitted by devices impacts the body’s natural circadian rhythms, keeping kids from getting quality rest. To prioritize sleep, keep phones and devices out of bedrooms, especially during sleep hours.
5. Teach Digital Literacy & Digital Citizenship: Navigating the online world requires digital literacy and citizenship. Digital literacy is finding, evaluating, and communicating information on various digital platforms. Misinformation and fake stuff are everywhere online. For example, a recent study analyzed 500 videos accessed via #mentalhealthtips and #mentalhealthadvice. They discovered that 83% of the advice was misleading, and 14% was potentially damaging and could cause harm. In addition to digital literacy, help your child learn to be a good digital citizen. Digital Citizens use digital technologies and the internet in appropriate and responsible ways.

Once your family has established healthy digital habits and your child is mature enough to open a social media account, you can continue conversations about healthy social media habits. Together, decide what social media app is appropriate and look at the site’s privacy and safety offerings. Many sites offer services like Family Pairing (on TikTok) and Family Center (on Snapchat and Instagram) that allow parents and guardians to link their accounts with their teens to access various privacy and safety controls. You may loosen these guidelines as your child matures, but starting with more privacy and protection is helpful.

How Can Parents Help Kids Build Healthy Social Media Habits:

1. Stay Balanced — Establish screen use limits alongside your teen to ensure they spends time offline and outside.
2. Be Kind — Remind teens to avoid harsh posts and criticizing others online. Texts and DMs are easily misunderstood, so it is important to emphasize kindness.
3. Keep Accounts Private — Make sure your teen uses a nickname for their profile instead of their real name. Be sure their accounts are set to private mode. Remind them not to share their full name, address, location, or any personal information with people they meet online.
4. Think Before You Post — Remind kids that their posts are out there for everyone to see, save, and share. Do not share inappropriate pictures or posts.
5. Friends Only — Some people use social media to stalk people, steal their information, or cause harm. Only accept friend requests from people they know.
6. Manage Your Feed — Encourage teens to follow inspiring people making positive changes in the world rather than influencers and people that make them feel bad about themselves or their appearance. Remind them they are in charge of their feed and that this can impact their mood and self-esteem.

Keep conversations going as your teen navigates social media and their online social world. Stay curious and ask open-ended, nonjudgemental questions to better understand what they like and don’t like about social media. Be sure they know to ask for help if they see something concerning or experience teasing or harassment.

How do you effectively respond to the constant refrain of “but all my friends to this!”?

Begin these conversations in a calm, neutral way and with a hefty dose of empathy. Let your child know you understand their frustration and validate their emotions. Explain your reasoning, the age your family determined as the appropriate age to begin social media, and what digital habits you would like to see in place first. This is not easy since kids may feel they are missing out. This does not mean you need to follow suit. It’s important for each family to do what they think is best for the well-being of their child.

What are the best resources you would suggest to a parent or educator who would like to learn more about this?

Here are some of my favorite books about tech use for caregivers:

• Raising Humans in a Digital World by Diana Graber
• Screenwise — Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World by Devorah Heitner
• Behind Their Screens: What Teens Are Facing (and Adults Are Missing) by Carrie James and Emily Weinstein

You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

Let’s face it, tech and social media companies do not have the best interest of our kids and teens in mind. Unfortunately, laws to better protect youth cannot get through congress. Recently, two bills that would have strengthened online protections for children were left out of the 2023 spending plan, despite increasing concerns about online privacy and safety.

The first bill, “The Children and Teens’ Online Privacy Protection Act,” would have prohibited Internet companies from collecting personal information about kids under 16 without consent. The second bill, “The Kids Online Safety Act,” would have required Internet apps and websites to set up safeguards restricting access to minors’ personal data, provide tools for parental monitoring, and require sites to disclose specific operating mechanisms, like algorithms.

Advocates of these bills blame their demise on lobbying by tech companies. To get effective laws in place, more parents and caregivers need to speak out to encourage lawmakers to better protect kids and teens. This movement would have a powerful impact on the well-being of kids, teens, and families.

What is the best way our readers can continue to follow your work online?

Readers can connect with me via my website, JessicaSpeer.com, or LinkedIn, Instagram, or Twitter. The Phone Book — Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with That Powerful Device In Your Hand is now available for pre-order anywhere books are sold. Thank you so much for hosting me and diving into this important topic!

Thank you for these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!

About The Interviewer: Maria Angelova, MBA is a disruptor, author, motivational speaker, body-mind expert, Pilates teacher and founder and CEO of Rebellious Intl. As a disruptor, Maria is on a mission to change the face of the wellness industry by shifting the self-care mindset for consumers and providers alike. As a mind-body coach, Maria’s superpower is alignment which helps clients create a strong body and a calm mind so they can live a life of freedom, happiness and fulfillment. Prior to founding Rebellious Intl, Maria was a Finance Director and a professional with 17+ years of progressive corporate experience in the Telecommunications, Finance, and Insurance industries. Born in Bulgaria, Maria moved to the United States in 1992. She graduated summa cum laude from both Georgia State University (MBA, Finance) and the University of Georgia (BBA, Finance). Maria’s favorite job is being a mom. Maria enjoys learning, coaching, creating authentic connections, working out, Latin dancing, traveling, and spending time with her tribe. To contact Maria, email her at angelova@rebellious-intl.com. To schedule a free consultation, click here.