Author Joey Dumont: 5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss Or Life Change

We need to laugh at ourselves. We need to stop taking ourselves so seriously. It’s the major cause of our societal angst. We need to laugh WITH one another, instead of AT one another. We are all just little boys and girls hiding behind the personas we’ve created as adults. We don’t need to LEARN anything. We simply need to remember to be childlike. Little kids listen to the birds and play with ladybugs on bushes and branches, and ask questions without bias or cemented opinions. They are curious by nature. We need to stay curious, too, just like our children.

The world seems to be reeling from one crisis to another. We’ve experienced a global pandemic, economic uncertainty, political and social turmoil. Then there are personal traumas that people are dealing with, such as the loss of a loved one, health issues, unemployment, divorce or the loss of a job.

Coping with change can be traumatic as it often affects every part of our lives.

How do you deal with loss or change in your life? What coping strategies can you use? Do you ignore them and just push through, or do you use specific techniques?

In this series called “5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss Or Life Change” we are interviewing successful people who were able to heal after a difficult life change such as the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, or other personal hardships. We are also talking to Wellness experts, Therapists, and Mental Health Professionals who can share lessons from their experience and research.

As a part of this interview series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Joey Dumont.

After author and podcast host Joey Dumont experienced multiple traumatic events, his trauma manifested a parade of pretentiousness that masked the pain and insecurities he was hiding from. When he realized he was actually just being a “douchebag,” he finally dared to deal with the chronic anxiety, episodic depression, and other neuroses he had been too ashamed to admit. And in 2017, Joey took a break from his career as an ad executive to write, Joey Somebody, The Life and Times of a Recovering Douchebag, where he explores his experience with the very heavy topics of parental neglect, familial suicide, and mental health through the lens of dark humor and self-deprecation.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

I grew up in Rochester, Minnesota, in Northern Heights, a neighborhood populated by young families led by doctors, engineers, and other professionals. We lived one hundred yards from our elementary school and a mile from the Mayo Clinic. There were acres of newly planted trees. My early memories depict a happy family with family vacations, including road trips in our Grandpa’s VW Microbus. Memories were captured with loads of pictures of my brothers and me. Most of the pictures show us in clean outfits and soft matching pajamas. It was a nice Minnesota family. But then, without explanation, my dad bugged out — speeding away in his company car with only a single blue suitcase, leaving behind a young wife and three sons, his parents, his siblings, his colleagues and neighbors, and his church. He moved 2000 miles away to sunny California “because it made him happy.” My dad was a sociopath, which is how he landed the role of the antagonist in my memoir, Joey Somebody, The Life and Times of a Recovering Douchebag.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“Fall down 7 times, get up 8.” As someone who has fallen down, been thrown down, and was told to stay down, this quotation touched me deeply.

You have been blessed with much success. In your opinion, what are the top three qualities that you possess that have helped you accomplish so much? If you can, please share a story or example for each.

Resilience, grit, and love of other human beings

1. Resilience allowed me to overcome my father’s abuse, my little brother’s death, and my own self-loathing.
2. Grit propelled me to go after my goals and objectives — while simultaneously being kicked in the teeth.
3. My love for other human beings turned out to be my superpower as a leader in the world of business.

Love = Attention

Attention = presence

Presence = peace of mind and true connection

People can feel when you love them. They know when you care. They just know.

Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion about ‘Healing after Loss’. Do you feel comfortable sharing with our readers about your dramatic loss or life change?

Yes. Not only am I comfortable with sharing; I also wrote a memoir that touches on each and every setback, and each and every comeback.

What was the scariest part of that event? What did you think was the worst thing that could happen to you?

My father was a sociopath. He abused my little family and was the major contributor to my little brother’s death by depression. The worst happened.

How did you react in the short term?

I buried my pain with random distractions, alcohol, women, and near-suicide motorcycle rides.

After the dust settled, what coping mechanisms did you use?

I interviewed numerous psychologists who specialized in deviant behavior and found one who understood me within the first 15 minutes. And then I spent 8 years on a couch, healing by her side.

Can you share with us how you were eventually able to heal and “let go” of the negative aspects of that event?

Forgiving my father was the beginning of my healing. My choice was simple: I could let our family tragedy ruin the remainder of my life, or I could use the energy for introspection and acceptance. I choose the latter (smile).

Aside from letting go, what did you do to create an internal, emotional shift to feel better?

I devoted years to sitting alone, wrapped in silence, pouring over revered texts with cool names like the Torah, Talmud, Bhagavad Gita, Qur’an, Tipitaka, Upanishads, and Veda — erudite, scroll-worthy explorations of suffering, enlightenment, compassion, spirit, et al. I discovered that entire regions of the world play the same game by different rules on different boards, embracing ideologies framed by religions such as Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, and Judaism. I learned where presence lives, and I now do my best each day to return to this sacred place.

Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to cope and heal? Can you share a story about that?

My wife helped me heal. Her love for me was so true and so real that I began to believe I was worthy of love. During my talk therapy, I was taught that you needed to love yourself before you could love another. I finally got that. And when my wife’s eyes began to reflect that love as well, that was I all needed to believe in me…maybe for the first time.

Were you able to eventually reframe the consequences and turn them into a positive situation? Can you explain how you did that?

Indeed! The overused axiom of “If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger” applies here. For me, redefining what “success” means was critical to finding internal peace. Success is not an external measurement. It’s an internal one.

What did you learn about yourself from this very difficult experience? Can you please explain with a story or example?

The day after my baby brother’s funeral, I took a walk around my old childhood neighborhood and heard a voice say, “There is no NEXT… Joey, there is no… Next.” I will never know if it was Stevie or not, but it still sits with me today. Life can only be lived in the present moment. And only after you understand that, can you truly live.

Fantastic. Here is the main question of our interview. Based on your experiences and knowledge, what advice would you give others to help them get through a difficult life challenge? What are your “5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss Or Life Change? Please share a story or example for each.

1. Locate the agony, regret, and sadness… and SIT WITH IT… find acceptance.

2. Seek counsel in some form of therapy.

3. Do not isolate. Surround yourself with loved ones.

4. Find constructive outlets to process your pain — exercise as one example.

5. Be gentle with yourself.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?

We need to laugh at ourselves. We need to stop taking ourselves so seriously. It’s the major cause of our societal angst. We need to laugh WITH one another, instead of AT one another. We are all just little boys and girls hiding behind the personas we’ve created as adults. We don’t need to LEARN anything. We simply need to remember to be childlike. Little kids listen to the birds and play with ladybugs on bushes and branches, and ask questions without bias or cemented opinions. They are curious by nature. We need to stay curious, too, just like our children.

We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them. :-)

J.D. Vance came immediately to mind. His memoir inspired me to write my own. And he is now doing noble things in his role as a venture capitalist, specifically, his Our Ohio Renewal, his nonprofit to help his hometown of Ohio combat drug addiction. He has become my muse.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

Just go to www.joeydumont.com — my work and passion reside there now.

Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!