Author Karen Donaldson: Getting An Upgrade; How Anyone Can Build Habits For Optimal Wellness, Performance, & Focus

Now, once we’ve acknowledged those habits, the next step is to make a commitment to do something different. Far too often people jump into a new practice because they’ve read it works well for someone else. The power behind making the commitment is that from time to time we will fall back into the comfort of our old habits, and we will have to be the ones to pull ourselves out of it. We do so by catching ourselves and asking ourselves this one powerful question: What am I committed to? Staying the same or doing something differently to get different results?

As a part of our series about “How Anyone Can Build Habits for Optimal Wellness, Performance, & Focus”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Karen Donaldson.

Award-winning, celebrity communication, body language and certified confidence coach Karen Donaldson is a force to be reckoned with. She is the go-to body language and communication expert for Cosmopolitan and Women’s Health Magazine. Karen is often called upon by local and national media as a guest communication and body language expert best-known for her analyses of the body language of celebrities and politicians in the media. Karen is a 3-time best-selling author and a passionate and energetic speaker. Her thought-provoking and engaging talks give her audiences new insights into how they can increase their impact and confidence whenever they communicate all while being comfortable in their own skin, and use knowledge of body language to understand others to learn more about their own body language and increase their creditability factor.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

I was a pretty outgoing child who loved to talk. In fact, I was often called a chatterbox by my immediate and extended family. I’m the youngest of three girls and I loved to ask questions. However back when I was growing up, the one thing that kids were not supposed to do is ask adult questions. I was that one kid who did that one thing.

Nonetheless, I had a really fun childhood. I was pretty open to trying new things despite what other people told me, because I always wanted to experience it myself. I was that kid who didn’t mind standing out from the crowd.

I have a background in dance and theatre and it all started when I was 10 years old. At the age of 16, I became the co-artistic director of a youth performing company, and over the course of the next 13 years, I functioned as a professional dancer, choreographer, and artistic director.

Now when it came to high school, I loved all of my high school years. I was an A and B student with lots of friends, on the debate team, a school mentor, and had great relationships with everyone in the school including the teachers.

I loved all of my high school years. However, my last year of high school was a life changer for me. Right before Christmas holidays I received a letter that offered me a full-track scholarship in the US (I’m Canadian). My entire school was excited for me. Then after the Christmas holidays, I found out that I was pregnant. When the word got around the school, I Iost most of my friends. I decided to decline the scholarship. People at school started to treat me like an outcast.

One day when I was walking home and I saw my reflection in the bus shelter, I looked at myself and said “Karen, you need to stop allowing the words of others to define you. You define you. Not other people. You are the same person you were in October, you’re just pregnant. If they have an issue with it, that is their problem, not yours.”

I went back to school with my head on strong and that year I graduated with the President’s Award and the top athletic award (while I was pregnant). I attended a local university and earned a Bachelor of Science degree. That was when my speaking career also began, because of how I showed up in my last year of high school, head strong and unstoppable.

What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear the story.

My career path was not straight forward, nor was it truly planned. It kind of found me. In chapter one of my life, I was a professional dancer, dance choreographer and artistic director and that’s where my skill set around teaching body language came from.

Being pregnant the last year of high school launched my professional speaking career. When I returned back to school pregnant, head strong and unstoppable, I was noticed. I was invited to other high schools to speak about self-leadership and perseverance, then moved on to colleges and universities and other organizations.

I’ve had three full-time jobs in my lifetime, but I knew being employed by someone else wasn’t for me. While working full time, I use to take vacation time to travel and speak at events across North America.

At my last corporate job where I was a senior specialist of health partnerships, I was speaking on behalf of my organization, and a CEO of a very big company came up to me and asked me which organization taught me to speak so well. I’ll never forget that moment. I laughed out loud and told him that they didn’t hire anyone. It was self-training from speaking on stages many times to various audiences. In that moment, he asked If he could hire me and I said ‘yes.’ We did six sessions together, and based on his visible improvements, I started to receive calls from other CEOs, COOs, VPs who wanted to hire me. That was my induction into becoming a communication coach for c-suite executives, it then progressed to politicians, celebrities, entrepreneurs and athletes.

So, here I am. Karen D, celebrity communication, body language and certified coach and speaker.

None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Was there a particular person who you feel gave you the most help or encouragement to be who you are today? Can you share a story about that?

That particular person would be my mom. Although I was known as the chatterbox by my immediate and extended family, my mom always encouraged me to try different things if I wanted to, and not bother concerning myself with what others had to say. I really adopted that way of thinking.

She always said, “Well why not try it? Just do your best.” And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing ever since.

Can you share the funniest or most interesting mistake that occurred to you in the course of your career? What lesson or take away did you learn from that?

I remember doing a speaking engagement years ago when I was on stage in front of about 500 people. I had bought brand new heels specifically for the event. Now, by the time I got on stage my feet were burning. About quarter way through my presentation, my feet hurt so much that I just had to take off my shoes. I took them off, pushed them to the side and continued my talk with the utmost comfort. There was no big response from the audience, but as soon as I got off stage the host came over and told me how unprofessional it was. At the same time, many women came up to me and said, “I wish I could have done that on so many occasions,” and they commended me for being brave to do it while on stage and not caring. The lesson I took away was this; it’s OK to be human. It’s OK to be me and that people actually welcome it.

The road to success is hard and requires tremendous dedication. This question is obviously a big one, but what advice would you give to a young person who aspires to follow in your footsteps and emulate your success?

Know that your path with not look exactly like anyone else’s, and that’s OK.

Learn from the best, but know that growth also includes stumbles and setbacks.

Don’t allow other people’s limited thinking to become your own.

Don’t spend time recreating the wheel. Find someone who has what you want, or who has accomplished what you want to accomplish. Reach out, invest in yourself, and hire them. That’s right, value what they offer and hire them.

Realize that you’re never in competition with anyone else. The game is you vs. you. Take a one step each day becoming a better version of who you were yesterday.

Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

The book is: You’ll See It When You Believe It, by Wayne Dyer.

I used to wait to see things to believe it was true for me, and that’s just not how it works. All my success and all of the things that I have accomplished have come to fruition because of my self-belief, believing that I was already a super success… even when I did not realize that’s what I was doing.

I’m a black woman in a predominantly white male dominated industry. When I started out as a C-suite communication coach, and used to go into offices to meet with my clients for the first time, their assistants use to ask me if I was Karen’s assistant or Karen’s summer student (apparently, I didn’t look like an executive coach).

At first it was offensive, and there were times where I almost lost my cool, then I simply started to have fun with it while letting my client know what occurred. At times when they ask, I say she’s coming in now. Then I walk outside and walk back in, and say “I’m here.” In addition, I always have a conversation with my client letting them know what happened so they can deal with it and ensure it doesn’t happen to anyone else.

Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does that resonate with you so much?

“Success does not take time, it takes courage.” — Shameca Tankerson

What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?

I am in head-strong mode with my confidence disruptor movement. When I initially started speaking on stages it was about self-confidence, self-leadership and perseverance, now I have come back full circle.

Confidence Disruptor is the world’s first online Confidence platform with tools, resources, programs and support systems to increase your confidence in any setting, learn how to speak up and speak your mind, all while being comfortable in your own skin. It’s a movement.

My mission is to destroy people’s current understanding of what it means to be confident and remind you that you were born confident, that your voice, opinions and thoughts matter and always have.

OK, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the core focus of our interview. This will be intuitive to you but it will be helpful to spell this out directly. Can you help explain a few reasons why it is so important to create good habits? Can you share a story or give some examples?

We are creatures of habit whether we choose them or not. Habits are simply actions or thoughts we have on a regular basis that become an unconscious pattern that we adopt.

For example, when we are small, we learned to tie our shoes, but we had to truly think about it. Now as adults we can easily and quickly tie our shoe laces while talking on our cell phone. The practice of tying our shoe is now engrained in us and we can do it automatically and without effort.

Habits create structure and with structure comes known expectations, with known expectations comes ease.

When we choose to create good habits, we hit our goals or at least can identify what needs to be done repetitively to get there.

Developing good habits means changing things in your life that you may be used to, so it will take work.

How have habits played a role in your success? Can you share some success habits that have helped you in your journey?

Habits have definitely played a role in my success. I’ve chosen to create habits that keep my mind and body healthy and that bring me closer to my goals. They’ve all been intentional.

Each and every day in the morning I meditate for 20 minutes before I jump out of bed, then I listen or read something pertaining to personal development, or that strengths my mindset. It’s an everyday affair, and I am a lifelong student. My go-to audio is normally Abraham Hicks. This takes care of my mental.

I work out about six days a week, in the morning, even if I can only fit in a 20-minute HIIT session. When we exercise, endorphins are released, “the feel good” hormones. This takes care of my physical.

My weeks are based on routines, I don’t work weekends, unless I have a speaking gig or am hosting my own event. I take the last week of each month off. My work days starts around 9:30am and end around 3 or 4pm. Because my operating hours have become a habit, I find that my brain automatically shuts out of work mode at 4pm, and I can easily not look at my business emails until 9:30 a.m. And, no I’m not tempted to look at them.

Any and all busines, has to take place within these parameters, not because I’m special, simply because I’ve intentionally chosen it. It works for me and it allows for self-care and time with my family (I’m a mom of 3), and these last two are non-negotiable for me.

Speaking in general, what is the best way to develop good habits? Conversely, how can one stop bad habits?

Here’s the reality. When it comes to habits, we can’t change what we can’t acknowledge. Before we focus on putting new habits in place, we must identify, acknowledge, and own the current habits that are not serving us.

The habits that either have us on pause, have us consistently second guessing our worth or ability, and the habits that have us constantly comparing ourselves against others.

Now, once we’ve acknowledged those habits, the next step is to make a commitment to do something different. Far too often people jump into a new practice because they’ve read it works well for someone else. The power behind making the commitment is that from time to time we will fall back into the comfort of our old habits, and we will have to be the ones to pull ourselves out of it. We do so by catching ourselves and asking ourselves this one powerful question: What am I committed to? Staying the same or doing something differently to get different results?

Once we acknowledge and own our current habits and commit to doing something differently, then and only then will steps forwards be fruitful and long lasting.

Let’s talk about creating good habits in three areas, Wellness, Performance, and Focus. Can you share three good habits that can lead to optimum wellness. Please share a story or example for each.

Now, here is the key habit (I call it the foundation) for optimal wellness. The first habit is choosing and building our decision-making muscle. In any given moment in the day, we are making a choice. We’re either choosing to go with the flow, or intentionally choosing and making a decision that brings us closer to what we want for ourselves.

The next habit is to stop giving away your power to choose, and always be in the mode of making an intentional choice, the choice that has us showing up in a way that leads to improved results.

When given a choice, we must stop saying things like “whatever you want to do.” Essentially, you’re giving away your power. When asked for your opinion or your decision, share it. Your voice and opinion matter and others will only think it’s important if you believe it’s important.

If you experience never having a choice or your way, your self-esteem and self-worth will take a beating.

The last habit is learning to manage the negative chatter in your head, which is often the only culprit holding you back from everything you want, what you know should be yours, your success, and taking action.

When working with public speaking clients, many have difficulty with nervousness. However, once we work on managing the negative chatter in their minds, it decreases their stress level.

Can you help explain some practices that can be used to develop those habits?

When it comes to building our decision-making muscle, here’s how you can start:

First, acknowledge a specific area in your life where you have been going with the flow and not getting the results. Acknowledge it, own it, and decide that you’re ready to receive the right results. As those areas come up over the course of the next week, make an intentional choice about what you will do/say/ not do/ not say. The operative words are “intentional choice.” No more going with the flow.

When it comes to stop giving away your power to choose, this is what you can do:

Always voice your opinion. Others will think what you have to say is important when you believe it’s important and speak up.

When it comes to learning to manage the negative chatter in your head, start by acknowledging it’s there. Self-chatter that is negative is unsupportive. Now that you have acknowledged it, decide and commit to changing it. Replace it with supportive self-talk in the third person. Research shows that self-talk stated in the third person is more beneficial. For example, if your negative chatter is saying “you know you can’t do this,” replace it with something like “[Your Name] you’ve got this.” Over time, it becomes automatic and effortless to use.

Can you share three good habits that can lead to optimal performance at work or sport? Please share a story or example for each.

Karen gives 5 tips to create habits that last. https://youtu.be/AVYjEX3_yI8

Habit #1

Choose to believe that you are worthy of everything great, and are enough right now, even while still being committed to growth.

I remember hosting one of my very first confidence bootcamps. I was excited, the venue looked fabulous, I was set to accommodate 100 people. Only two showed up. I was crushed. For about two days I was convinced that I was a personal failure and told myself that I would never hold an event again. I had to remind myself that I was not a failure, my event simply did not turnout as planned. The event failed. I didn’t. Results don’t define who you are, you do.

Habit #2

Letting go of losses and mistakes quickly and moving on to what’s next.

Holding on to mistakes and carrying them like a life sentence doesn’t serve you at all. Revisiting your mistakes and losses at length can have you staying focused on what didn’t work. Instead, identify the lesson from the loss, course correct, and let it go. Every time it pops up in your mind, tell yourself that you can’t change the past, but you can influence the future, and do so.

Habit #3

Be committed to taking action, not committed to the outcome. This may sound counterintuitive, however, in truth we have more control over our actions that we do our outcomes.

Here’s an example. When working with a semi pro athlete client on her self-leadership and confidence, her goal was to come in first place. When I met her, she was solely focused on attaining first place or the outcome. When I helped her shift her focus to committing to her actions, then she worked with her athletic coach to decrease her time (based on the last record for this specific meet), and because of that work, she came first place. She could fully control the work needed to decrease her time. She couldn’t control her other competitors nor their race times.

Can you help explain some practices that can be used to develop those habits?

Habit #1

Stop attributing wins and losses to self-worth. You are not your job title. Heck ‘ya, we feel good when we win an account at work or a championship. The work is to feel just as good when things don’t go as planned, or reduce the time you spend feeling crappy.

Work on decreasing the amount of time you stay down when things don’t turn out as planned. If your normal downtime is a week, commit to five days. The next time, commit to one day. Then 12 hours and so on and so forth. Building new habits take time, so be gentle with yourself.

Habit #2

Letting go of losses and mistakes quickly and moving on to what’s next.

Practice: When things don’t go as planned, ask yourself these two imperative questions. What worked well? What can I do better next time? Then use that information to move forward in a manner that is bigger and better. Don’t stray from those two questions and watch the growth happen.

Habit #3

Be committed to taking action, not the outcome. Identify a goal that you’ve been working toward with no success, and ask yourself what you’ve been committed to — the actions to get there — or the end result. Then switch things up and focus on taking intentional action to get to that goal.

Can you share three good habits that can lead to optimal focus? Please share a story or example for each.

Habit #1

Mind dumps. One of the key things that detract from optimal focus is a maxed-out mind. Creating a clear mind so that we can focus can at times be as simple as doing a mind dump. When I am challenged with focusing, I don’t stew in it, I simply write out everything that’s in my head, which is usually a list of all of the things I have to do. Then I choose one and focus on it.

Habit #2

Know your stress relievers. There will be times when we will feel stressed, and it’s not stress that hurts us, it’s the inability to relieve our stress that affects us most. I get relief by inhaling fresh air, even in the dead of winter (and I’m in Toronto, Canada where it can drop to minus 30 degrees Celsius). When I feel stress coming on, I take a fresh-air break. That works for me.

Habit #3

Be intentional about distraction-free work time. This can be a hard one for some people. When creating content for my programs or blogs etc., I work in 90-minute blocks of time. During that time block, I get rid of all distractions. I turn my phone on airplane mode, turn on my timer, and close all programs on my computer, especially Facebook, LinkedIn, emails, and anything that has a notification chime.

Consider working in uninterrupted time blocks to enhance your focus. You don’t have to star at 90 minutes, just start. I know how attached many people are to checking their phones and emails. Start small and progressively build on this new habit.

As a leader, you likely experience times when you are in a state of Flow. Flow has been described as a pleasurable mental state that occurs when you do something that you are skilled at, that is challenging, and that is meaningful. Can you share some ideas from your experience about how we can achieve a state of Flow more often in our lives?

I find that what helps me get into a state of flow is music. I actually listen to one song that I really like on repeat. I listen to it at least three or four times before I turn it off and get to work.

For me, music is soothing and fun. It allows me to get in a state of ease, which makes work seem easy. I make decisions quicker, I’m gentler with myself when I get stuck, and I’m more efficient and productive.

If you choose to try this, make sure to select a song that is familiar to you and a song really love. No new songs allowed. Your brain needs to have that familiarity with the song for it to work. If you choose a new song, there is a period of time that your brain will spend adapting to it; the new rhythm and the words which equate to your brain working instead of putting it in mode of flow. It’s different for everyone and I encourage you to find something simple that makes you happy or brings a huge smile to your face.

Ok, we are nearly done. You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.

It would inspire people to dig deeper with the Confidence Disruptor Movement. Changing the face of what it means to show up confidently, and giving people the tools to own their self-worth so they can show up with confidence in any setting and in any situation, all while being comfortable in their own skin. www.confidencedisruptor.com

We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we both tag them :-)

Fabulous question, but I can’t stick to just one (I did tell you I was a rule breaker and creator, right?!) I would love to share a meal and have a deep conversation with Deepak Chopra, Beyonce and Jay-Z about self- belief and confidence. I would also invite them to be a part of the Confidence Disruptor movement.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

They can find me at www.karendonaldsoninc.com

They can join my confidence disruptor movement at www.confidencedisruptor.com

IG: https://www.instagram.com/therealkarendonaldson/

Thank you for these really excellent insights, and we greatly appreciate the time you spent with this. We wish you continued success.