C-Suite Moms: Allyns Melendez Of HR Transformed On How To Successfully Juggle Motherhood and Work

An Interview With Vanessa Morcom

When you talk or engage with them, try to do it at eye level — crouch down, sit on a chair, lift them up onto a kitchen counter, etc. This helps them feel really connected and focused on, and it doesn’t create a hierarchy with you towering above them.

In today’s fast-paced business world, women in executive roles face the unique challenge of balancing high-powered careers with the demands of motherhood. Despite progress in workplace equality, female executives often carry a disproportionate share of domestic responsibilities. How do these successful women manage both spheres of their lives so effectively? In this interview series, we would like to explore this intricate balance and we are talking to women executives from various industries who are also mothers, to share their insights and strategies for successfully juggling their professional and personal lives. As a part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Allyns Melendez.

Allyns Melendez brings over 25 years of expertise in HR and business management, with an MBA from Temple University’s Fox School of Business. She is the CEO at HR Transformed and a Professor at Temple University, with certifications in workplace behavior analysis and leadership coaching. Based in New York’s Hudson Valley, Allyns enjoys cycling, pilates, and rock climbing with her family.

Thank you so much for joining us! Can you tell us the “backstory” behind what brought you to this point in your career?

I attended a business high school in NYC called Murry Bergtraum HS for Business Careers. There was a program that placed students in year-round, paid internship positions with Fortune 500 companies. When asked if I knew anything about “HR,” I replied, “Home room?” That was the only definition for the HR acronym I knew at the time! My career advisor explained that HR, or Human Resources, was a department that knew everything going on in a company, essentially the secret keeper. I was intrigued, and when I aced the interview and started working in HR at Guardian Life, I had found my calling. Here I am, 27 years later, and I still love being in HR.

Can you share with us how many children you have?

Three boys. Aged 24, 11 and 9.

Where were you in your career when your child was born/became part of your family?

I was three years into my career, 19 years old and finishing up sophomore year of college when I had my eldest. I was an assistant level associate in HR at Guardian Life Insurance.

For my middle and youngest son, I was a COO at a national PR firm and on the verge of starting my MBA.

Did you always want to be a mother? Can you explain?

I knew that one day I would become a mother. I didn’t think it would be so soon in my life. The universe has a funny way of thrusting to you into situations and you have no choice but to thrive. I didn’t think I would have multiple children and I’m grateful for the opportunity to be their mom.

Did motherhood happen when you thought it would or did it take longer? If it took longer, what advice would you have for another woman in your shoes?

Motherhood was so unexpected for me that it took no time at all. In the late 90s, it was not acceptable for a barely 20-year-old woman, still in college, to have a baby and still be working full time. There were times when I would feel embarrassed and shy away from talking about my child because I appeared to be a child myself. My advice to any woman in my shoes is to embrace the fact that society is much more open to anything today. Don’t be embarrassed, and focus on being the best person you can be for yourself and for the human(s) you are raising.

Can you tell us a bit about what your day-to-day schedule looks like?

I wake up between 5:30 and 6 am, play the daily Wordle, and then get on the Peloton. I wake up the 11- and 9-year-old, get them ready for the day, make breakfast, pack their snacks and water, and drive them to school. If the weather is great, as soon as I get home from dropping them off, I take my road bike out for a 7- to 10-mile ride around my neighborhood. Then it’s meetings all day, either at home or in NYC, until about 5 or 6 pm. I cook dinner for my family around 6 or 7 pm. I’m vegetarian, so I make multiple meals, some with meat, to satisfy the whole crew. After this, we either watch TV together, talk, or play a game and get ready for bed. I bless my children and then get myself ready for bed. There are times when I get back on the laptop and work. I always play the NY Times crossword mini before bed.

Has being a parent changed your career path? Can you explain?

Being a parent has empowered me to double down on my career path. I was raised in an immigrant household, where there was a strong expectation to succeed because my family didn’t grow up in the US. I want to show my children that, even though they didn’t grow up in an immigrant household with parents who didn’t know the language or weren’t educated in the school system, they should still be ambitious, find motivation around them, help those in need, feed the hungry, and believe that anything is possible in their chosen career path. I work hard to demonstrate what I am capable of so they can set appropriate expectations for themselves and their future children.

Has being a mother made you better at your job? How so?

It certainly has in so many ways. Being in human resources, I’ve always been an empathetic person. Becoming a parent has really allowed me to put myself in someone else’s shoes and ‘seek first to understand, then to be understood’ (Stephen R. Covey). I’m always looking at the world through the lens of my children, so it has become even easier to do that with the adults I work with.

What are the biggest challenges you face being a working mom?

Time is my biggest challenge. I wish that I could freeze time to catch up with my work each day and truly be present for my kids in the way my mom was for me. She didn’t take her work home, but my work follows me everywhere — on vacation, days off, weekends, nights, etc. I may not have the opportunity to hire more people or delegate aspects of my job to others, and as I continue to scale my business, I’m constantly having to choose between time with my boys or time to get caught up with work.

Are there any stories you remember from the early days of parenthood that you want to share?

Your children are always watching. When my oldest child applied for college, he wrote about me as the person he admires for his college entrance essay. All those years when I didn’t think he noticed how hard I was working, how late I would stay up to do classwork for my MBA, or how I would get 2–3 hours of sleep just handling all the mom stuff with three boys, school, work, etc., he was watching. And all the while, I was making an impression on him and shaping his understanding of what it means to be “successful.”

Are there any meaningful activities or traditions you’ve made up or implemented that have enhanced your time with your family? Can you share a story or example?

In the car on the way to school in the morning, I don’t play music or give them their iPads. We play a game where we look at license plate numbers and make words out of the letters. For example, if we see a license plate with VGH, one of us might yell out “very good human.” We all take turns coming up with creative phrases. In restaurants, instead of escaping to my phone or having my kids use their devices, I look up fun trivia questions, and we take turns answering. It’s fun to see how much my kids know about certain topics, and we all learn new things in the process.

We all live in a world with many deadlines and incessant demands for our time and attention. That inevitably makes us feel rushed and we may feel that we can’t spare the time to be “fully present” with our children. Can you share with our readers 5 strategies about how we can create more space in our lives in order to give our children more quality attention?

1 . When you talk or engage with them, try to do it at eye level — crouch down, sit on a chair, lift them up onto a kitchen counter, etc. This helps them feel really connected and focused on, and it doesn’t create a hierarchy with you towering above them.

2 . Create routines in the morning and at night so there is consistency around your presence. I love to bless my children’s foreheads before they go to bed. If I forget, they call out to me to come back to their bedroom and bless them.

3 . Tell your children what to expect clearly, and stick to the plan. If I tell them I’ll start cooking dinner at 6 pm today, then I will do what I told them. If I am not sure, I will also be clear and say, “I’m not sure when I’ll be done. I may not be able to make dinner, so we will order in tonight if I’m not done in 30 minutes.”

4 . Go to school events and functions. Unless I’m traveling for work, I will do my absolute best to attend every school function or event. There have been times when I’ve moved business trips or rescheduled meetings just so they can see me in the audience, smiling at them.

5 . One-on-one time is so important if you have multiple children. My oldest was an only child for nearly 13 years. With my 9- and 11-year-old, raising brothers has been very different. They behave very differently when they are together versus when they are alone. Therefore, spending alone time with each child creates a different dynamic and connection that is so special.

How do you inspire your child to “dream big”? Can you give an example or story?

My middle son is great at writing comics. His comic books are even available for checkout at his school library. I told him that he could create a career out of this, showed him what the steps are, and we are even working on his trademark for the main character at the moment.

How do you define success in both your career and your family life, and how has this definition evolved over time?

Success for me in my career and home life is being able to spend each day surrounded by people who truly care about me, want the best for me and the company, and value what I do. This has evolved as I’ve navigated my 20s, 30s, and now my 40s as a mom. What was important in my 20s is not as important as what I hold dear today.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a better parent? Can you explain why you like them?

“The Whole-Brain Child” by Dr. Daniel Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson. When I was struggling to parent a teenager and two very young toddlers, I read this book, and it really helped create order in the chaos when it comes to my kids’ emotions.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you share or plan to share with your kids?

“Life is being written without an eraser.” We can’t change or erase what has already happened. It is important that we strive to be good humans in all aspects of our life. Since they know how a pencil works, this resonates.

If you could sit down with every new parent and offer life hacks, must-have products, or simple advice, what would be on your list?

Always have healthy snacks in your kitchen. It becomes something they crave and will make better choices as a result. Always travel with healthy food in your bag or car. When hunger strikes at any age, you must be ready. They will be happier little humans as a result.

Portable toilet. I know this one is weird. Trust me, look up Luggable Loo and Double Doodie portable toilet bags on Amazon and keep this in your car for the frequent, unexpected “Mom, I have to go to the bathroom!” There’s a version that comes with a pop-up privacy tent that I’m thinking I may explore.

Thank you so much for these insights! We really appreciate your time.

About The Interviewer: Vanessa Morcom is a millennial mom of three and founder of Morcom Media, a performance PR shop for thought leaders. She earned her degree in journalism and worked for Canada’s largest social enterprise. She can be reached at vanessa@morcom.media