C-Suite Moms: Dr Sola Togun-Butler of Transformative Coaching & Consulting On How To Successfully Juggle Motherhood and Work
An Interview With Vanessa Morcom
Ditch Perfectionism. Perfectionism does not exist, so be kind to yourself when you make mistakes as a mother. Learn from those mistakes and keep moving forward.
In today’s fast-paced business world, women in executive roles face the unique challenge of balancing high-powered careers with the demands of motherhood. Despite progress in workplace equality, female executives often carry a disproportionate share of domestic responsibilities. How do these successful women manage both spheres of their lives so effectively? In this interview series, we would like to explore this intricate balance and we are talking to women executives from various industries who are also mothers, to share their insights and strategies for successfully juggling their professional and personal lives. As a part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Sola Togun-Butler.
Dr. Sola Togun-Butler is the Founder, CEO, & Certified Professional Life
Coach at Transformative Coaching & Consulting. She is also the Founder, CEO, and Psychotherapist at Butterfly Counseling Services. She is a professional speaker highlighting the importance of mental health and wellness while offering solutions to minimize stress, prevent burnout, and achieve balance for leading industry conferences and corporations.
Thank you so much for joining us! Can you tell us the “backstory” behind what brought you to this point in your career?
I firmly believe it is possible to have a work-life balance that allows me to continue building my businesses while being present for my children. I watched my mother, a medical doctor, run her private practice while actively participating in her children’s lives. That inspired me as I realized I could have a career and be a good mother. It did not have to be one or the other.
Can you share with us how many children you have?
I have two children. My daughter is 15 years old, and my son is 13 years old.
Where were you in your career when your child was born/became part of your family?
About ten years into my career, I had my first child. At that point in my life, I was very clear about the meaningful work that I wanted to do and felt blessed that I was doing it.
Did you always want to be a mother? Can you explain?
From a very young age, I wanted to be a mother. In Nigerian culture, one is expected to become a parent. I did not feel pressured by those expectations, knowing I wanted to be a mother. The only pressure I felt was from relatives concerned that I was in my 30s and did not have children at the time.
Did motherhood happen when you thought it would or did it take longer? If it took longer, what advice would you have for another woman in your shoes?
Motherhood took longer than I had planned. I had hoped to be a mother in my twenties but did not become one until my thirties. It was vital for me to meet the right person to co-parent with. I would advise women to wait until they are sure they have met the right person to have a child with. In my work, I have had some women share that while they do not regret their children, they regret who they had them with.
Can you tell us a bit about what your day-to-day schedule looks like?
I get up in the morning and monitor the kids to ensure they have all they need for the day ahead at school. I then find some quiet time to pray and identify at least three things I am grateful for. I then do my deep breathing exercises, stretching exercises, and wall Pilates as body movement helps me prepare for the day ahead. I have two businesses that I run from home. I have my therapy practice and my coaching business. I have my clients scheduled for the day and meet with them as expected. I also have virtual mental health & wellness training sessions that I conduct. Once I am done seeing clients for the day, I spend time with my children to check in on their day and nurture our relationship.
Has being a parent changed your career path? Can you explain?
The change in my career path as a parent is ensuring that I have a job schedule that gives me the flexibility to spend time with my children. This is why I have gravitated towards working from home. It has allowed me to take lunch breaks with children if they are home from school, get them off the bus, or hang out in the backyard. It would not be easy to do that if I were commuting to an office.
Has being a mother made you better at your job? How so?
As a mother, I feel I am better at my job because I have two children who look up to me, and I want to be their best role model. I want them to see that you can work on your career and still find time to be with your family. I want to model the importance of work-life balance so they do not burn out.
What are the biggest challenges you face being a working mom?
My biggest challenge as a working mom is not always being available to attend school events due to client and training schedules. I do my best to adjust my schedule when I can, but it isn’t always possible.
Are there any stories you remember from the early days of parenthood that you want to share?
I remember one day, my daughter, who was about four years old, came home from school and showed me a painting she had drawn at school. In looking at the painting, I noticed that my daughter was on the couch with her father and her brother while I was far away from them, sitting at a desk. As a therapist, I knew children express their feelings and emotions through Art. I asked her why I was separated from the rest of the family, and she told me that I was always working. At that moment, I knew something needed to change, which started me on the path to implementing a work-life balance.
Are there any meaningful activities or traditions you’ve made up or implemented that have enhanced your time with your family? Can you share a story or example?
As a mother, I believe monitoring my children’s emotional health is crucial, so I make sure to ask them about their emotions every day. I tell them there is no bad emotion and to accept their emotions without judgment. Emotions are storytellers, so listening to the message they are trying to tell us is vital. I ask them, “What made you glad today?” “What made you sad today?” and “What made you glad today?” It is an excellent way for them to understand what triggered the emotions and how to release the emotions in a healthy way.
We all live in a world with many deadlines and incessant demands for our time and attention. That inevitably makes us feel rushed and we may feel that we can’t spare the time to be “fully present” with our children. Can you share with our readers 5 strategies about how we can create more space in our lives in order to give our children more quality attention?
1 . Have a self-care plan. Remember that you need to take care of yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
2 . Give the time you have. If you have 10 minutes, spend those 10 minutes with your children. Some time is better than no time.
3 . Learn to set boundaries and stick to them. This could mean no longer answering emails after 5 pm so you can disengage from work and be present for your family.
4 . Create an emotionally safe space for your children. Allow your children to express their feelings so you know where to implement change.
5 . Ditch Perfectionism. Perfectionism does not exist, so be kind to yourself when you make mistakes as a mother. Learn from those mistakes and keep moving forward.
How do you inspire your child to “dream big”? Can you give an example or story?
I tell my children that the sky is the limit. I tell them to shoot for the moon; even if they miss, they will end up among the stars. That is one of my favorite quotes when tackling a goal. My daughter loves children and told me that one day, she would like to work at a daycare. I told her that was a great idea and asked how she could own her daycare to be an entrepreneur and set the rules and guidelines for her center. The smile on her face said it all, and she said she wanted to be a business owner just like her mother.
How do you define success in both your career and your family life, and how has this definition evolved over time?
I define success as doing the work I love, still having time to spend with my family, and tapping into my creativity. It means balancing all areas of my life so I do not burn out. I might have defined success as a monetary value in the past, but now, I know that success can be defined in many other ways. The joy of running my business from home so I can be there when my children get off the bus is a success.
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a better parent? Can you explain why you like them?
The best resource I have is a community of mothers who support each other on this parenting journey. I know that if I have any questions or struggles, I can reach out to them, and they will be there for me. It is always good to know that I am not alone in the ups and downs of parenting. I encourage all parents to join or form this community of support.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you share or plan to share with your kids?
One of my favorite quotes of all time is from Michael Jordan. He said, ‘I have failed over and over and over again my life, and that is how I succeed”. I love that quote because it highlights that we should not be deterred by failure and should learn to redefine failure. I always tell my children that it is okay to fail because failure teaches us a lesson if we allow it to. We can then use the newfound knowledge to change the path towards their goals. Failure is inevitable on the path to goal achievement. Those who achieve their goals are the ones who are not deterred by challenges, failures, and obstacles.
If you could sit down with every new parent and offer life hacks, must-have products, or simple advice, what would be on your list?
I would tell every new parent that there is no such thing as the perfect parent. Do your best to meet your children’s physical, emotional, and mental health needs. Understand that you will make mistakes, and that’s okay. Be compassionate towards yourself, as those mistakes become valuable teachers. Take time to engage in activities that make you happy and have a self-care plan. We can’t be the parents we want to be if we are exhausted, not taking care of ourselves, or engaging in activities we enjoy.
Thank you so much for these insights! We really appreciate your time.
About The Interviewer: Vanessa Morcom is a millennial mom of three and founder of Morcom Media, a performance PR shop for thought leaders. She earned her degree in journalism and worked for Canada’s largest social enterprise. She can be reached at vanessa@morcom.media
