Carina Yeap of Emerged Butterfly: Getting An Upgrade; How Anyone Can Build Habits For Optimal Wellness, Performance, & Focus

To stop bad habits, one can use the Pain Pleasure Principle. Everything we do is driven by a need to either get away from pain or to move towards pleasure. Most of the time we make decisions either unconsciously or based on the pain or pleasure we perceive will be experienced in the short term. To stop a bad habit, we will have to associate huge pain with the bad habit and attach intense pleasure to the good habit.

As a part of our series about “How Anyone Can Build Habits For Optimal Wellness, Performance, & Focus”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Carina Yeap.

Carina is the founder of Emerged Butterfly in Singapore. She is known for her soothing voice and deep intuitive knowledge during a Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) session.

As a passionate mental health therapist, Carina has helped numerous clients transform their limiting beliefs to become confident individuals living a vibrant life.

She is a big believer that everyone has the same opportunity to redefine and embrace themselves truly for who they are.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

Sure. From the young age of about 7, I struggled with self-doubt and self-criticism. While I was brought up in a family where getting As on exams was not the top priority, I had an ongoing battle with not feeling smart enough, attractive enough, just not good enough. Constantly needing to compare myself to other students, judging my self-worth on how capable I am and how many people liked me, I never quite liked myself for always working hard to please others. I took on the belief that if I were to be my true self, people would reject me for who I am. Struggling with the conflicting perceptions I had of myself and what others think of me, I developed a deep interest in psychology, the human mind, and behavior with a burning desire to bridge the gap between the self-images I had.

What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear the story.

I had always been an avid fan of K-POP when I was a student in my teens. Back then there were various issues surfacing about famous K-POP idols struggling with depression and some turning to suicide as a form of relief. It was painful to see some of the artists I truly respect be in such despair. They were the spark that got me thinking of going the path of practicing therapy as a career and they are still the inspiration behind what I am doing today.

None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Was there a particular person who you feel gave you the most help or encouragement to be who you are today? Can you share a story about that?

The pivotal moment was in my second year of university studies when I sought actual help from a school counselor. There was a repeated pattern within me of feeling insecure in my friendships where I would question how long a friend would be willing to stay in contact with me after we have graduated from school. There was always the belief that I was not good enough and undeserving of friendships. Such a belief led me to sabotage some of my friendships either by closing myself away from them or letting them take advantage of me. This unhealthy pattern was noticed during a session with my school counselor who was patient with uncovering particular stories and beliefs I fixated and misguided myself towards. I remember after having few months of sessions with him that I felt better, more able to cope, and thus was inspired further to help individuals like me to reframe limiting beliefs so they can live life feeling good about themselves.

Can you share the funniest or most interesting mistake that occurred to you in the course of your career? What lesson or take away did you learn from that?

Oh yes definitely. At the start of my career when I was first gaining experience, I met this client for therapy via zoom. Like all other clients’ sessions, I would first remind them to ensure they have a stable internet connection before we start the session because, during a RTT session, clients usually have their eyes closed to communicate better with their subconscious mind at a deeper trance level so it was best for the session set up right before we commence.

All was well at the beginning; it was in the middle of the session where the most information was being shared that an issue came up. In addition, my client was doing the session in his garage where the internet connection was weak. So you can imagine, on the other side of the screen was my client sharing all the vital details and here I am seeing his image freeze on my screen and hearing broken pieces of words. It was torturous. I panicked thinking that there was a fault with my internet connection and I double-checked all of the Wi-Fi connections in my office but still couldn’t figure out what my client was sharing. This went on for 20 minutes and thank goodness after 20 minutes of staring at my client’s frozen screen, I saw his mouth moving and I could continue hearing what was shared. Thankfully he wasn’t aware of the issue and continued sharing. In the end, we managed to do the cure even though the session overran and I missed 20 minutes of information.

It surely was an interesting session I’ll not forget. This taught me that the clients know themselves the best and I am a facilitator of their journey back to themselves. Also, that technical issue happens all the time and that is ok.

The road to success is hard and requires tremendous dedication. This question is obviously a big one, but what advice would you give to a young person who aspires to follow in your footsteps and emulate your success?

Like Dory in the Disney film Finding Nemo, “just keep swimming”. There will be many days when you will doubt your ability to pursue your dreams, there will be many days when things don’t go your way. However, if you have a purpose greater than yourself, you will learn that certain obstacles are merely challenges for you to reach a higher level of skills so you can contribute to the greater community and all the efforts and difficult times are worth it and will eventually pay off!

Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

Life’s Golden Ticket by Brendon Burchard! It is an easy-to-read fiction book with valuable life lessons. It was a story that reminded me once more how short a life we all live. It resonated greatly with me as it serves as a good prompt that we have no control of the past as it is already in the past, but we have control of the present to deliberately decide to make things right. If you want to live a life with no regrets, start making conscious choices right now!

Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does that resonate with you so much?

This is a personal quote, “for you’ve got all you need within you.” It is a quote I came up with while undergoing my study of Rapid Transformational Therapy. During my practice sessions and daily life interaction, I got more in tune with the desires of those I serve. I realized what most of us just want at the end of the day are answers and directions to a meaningful life. Yet, the person who has all of the answers is us! We can receive helpful advice from our loved ones, family, and friends, and there sure are great tips online but we are the only ones who hold actual power and wisdom to our dream lives.

What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?

I’m always learning! Having practiced Rapid Transformational Therapy with clients, I am refining my approach in sessions and learning new strategies and frameworks to help guide and coach clients after their therapy sessions. I am also currently a student in a growth platform, being coached monthly on personal development topics and I would love so much to share the knowledge gained with my growing community and with like-minded individuals. There is just so much to learn from people coming from various backgrounds.

OK, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the core focus of our interview. This will be intuitive to you but it will be helpful to spell this out directly. Can you help explain a few reasons why it is so important to create good habits? Can you share a story or give some examples?

Most of the tasks we do daily from our morning routines as we start the day to our free time activities are ruled by the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is the mind of habits, it is the mind responsible for a person’s behavior ranging from unknowingly scrolling through social media for prolong periods once they enter the train for a commute to reaching out to their toothbrush with their dominant hands when brushing their teeth. We operate on autopilot almost 95% throughout the day.

Imagine changing your morning habit of checking your emails first thing in the morning to doing a 5 minutes meditation and changing the habit to watch Netflix during meal times to being present with your partner, how will that change the way you experience life and how will that change your relationships?

Good habits are crucial for a meaningful and purposeful life.

How have habits played a role in your success? Can you share some success habits that have helped you in your journey?

Habits keep me growing and in alignment with who I want to be. First, I started being aware of my habits — which ones served me and which ones were pointless to continue having. Next, I reflected on how those habits are bringing me closer or further away from my goals in various aspects of life such as connection with others, career, learnings, health, and finances. Then, I tried on new habits I wish to adopt in the long run. In this step, there were a few trials and errors to see which habits fit my goals and which needed adjustments before I eventually commit to making the habit stick.

Successful habits which have helped me constantly are to 1. Have daily, weekly and monthly reflections of who I want to be and how far I am to being the person I want to be 2. Fixed time limit for device uses (such as going on social media, checking emails) 3. “End work” time so I do not overwork, 4. Daily meditation, 5. Compulsory learnings (what skills or knowledge I want to learn periodically; this can come in the form of learning through courses, books, or watching documentaries).

Speaking in general, what is the best way to develop good habits? Conversely, how can one stop bad habits?

Measure yourself in different life areas regularly — yearly, monthly, weekly, daily (morning and evening) and hold yourself to higher standards. What you measure yourself regularly, reminds you of its importance and emphasizes the need for improvement.

To stop bad habits, one can use the Pain Pleasure Principle. Everything we do is driven by a need to either get away from pain or to move towards pleasure. Most of the time we make decisions either unconsciously or based on the pain or pleasure we perceive will be experienced in the short term. To stop a bad habit, we will have to associate huge pain with the bad habit and attach intense pleasure to the good habit.

An example will be associating negative feelings of not feeling healthy, not being able to fit into our clothes, and associating proud feelings, a sense of accomplishment to our decisions of exercising and eating healthy food.

By doing so we can make healthier decisions for ourselves by what we will experience in the long term and not based on the immediate pain or pleasure we think we will experience in the short term.

Let’s talk about creating good habits in three areas, Wellness, Performance, and Focus. Can you share three good habits that can lead to optimum wellness. Please share a story or example for each.

One good habit to adopt will be having the first hour of your day set an intention of how you would like the day to play out. This can be done in the form of a meditation, journal reflection, visualizing your day, or simply having an affirmation to show up as your best self. What I do each morning before leaving my room or checking my messages is to first do a short presence exercise of sitting on my bed, doing slow deep breaths, and allowing my body to be ready for the day. Next, I read a short passage from either personal development or spiritual book, and plan my day before leaving bed.

Next, set an “end work” time. In this hectic society we live in today where efficiency is highly praised, we often overwork at the expense of our health. I make it a conscious effort to stop doing work-related matters after 6 pm. I set clear boundaries for when I will receive and reply to messages related to work and I keep time after 6 pm for either family, self-reflection, or learnings. Setting a clear “end work” timing will help you to reclaim a well-balanced lifestyle for we all know the familiar phrase: all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Have some form of movement throughout the day. Sitting at our desk from 9 am — 5 pm is not ideal. Taking breaks from time to time during work by either walking around your office, doing simple jumps at your work area or body stretches at the end of the day can help your body release tension held up during the day.

Can you help explain some practices that can be used to develop those habits?

To facilitate starting your day right, you could put post-it notes right at your bedside to ensure you’ve done your morning routine before reaching out to your phones and responding to other people’s demands.

Putting your phone on the “do not disturb” mode through the night will also help to block off notifications in a specific period, giving you time for yourself to reflect and be intentional about how you want to show up for the day. Good news: do not disturb mode is an available setting for both iOS and Android users!

Trigger alarms can also be set to ring 30 minutes before your end work time so you can start to wind down. It can also be set three to five times during the day to keep you reminded of moving your body during work periods.

Can you share three good habits that can lead to optimal performance at work or sport? Please share a story or example for each.

Three good habits leading to optimal performance at work would be to focus on one thing at a time. While this is common knowledge, it is often not a common practice. Our brain is not made for multitasking, switching from one task to another tires our brain easily and does not produce good results.

There was a time in university when I first adopted this habit and I found it to be greatly beneficial because I completed three sets of work in half the time I used to. In the past, I would have many tabs opened while attempting to finish all the assignments at once. Now I take great pleasure in doing things one at a time and keep my focus on the one task I am completing before looking at other projects on my to-do list.

Giving yourself positive or negative consequences around doing or missing certain tasks can also motivate you to perform at your highest. One example was my ‘reward’ of meeting friends I have not met in a long time only after I have completed the planned task. This was a real test of my character because I’ve not met those friends in months and I have them to hold me accountable to myself.

Having time control is important when you have plenty of important work to be done. Setting firm boundaries of exactly when you will reply to emails, do work, meet people, answer calls is crucial or they will hijack your schedule and cause you to lose integrity with yourself.

Can you help explain some practices that can be used to develop those habits?

Brain dumps are a good way to empty your mind of all the to-dos on the paper before organizing them into two categories: 1. Important, urgent work and 2. work that can be done at a later time.

Having accountability partners are a real asset. When we have someone who holds us accountable for our actions we create a promise not just with ourselves but also with another person. By not fulfilling our promise, we lose integrity with both our accountability partners and ourselves. Having such pressure will keep us on our heels and make true our commitments to our planned goals.

A way to set firm boundaries with others who wish to communicate with us while we are working on important projects will be to set up an auto-responder. Include in the auto-responder that you are currently unavailable, the time you answer emails, and how else to reach you if they have an urgent message for you.

Can you share three good habits that can lead to optimal focus? Please share a story or example for each.

1. A good habit to adopt for optimum performance is not getting overboard with your to-do list. Listing just three main projects for the day, breaking them down into simpler small subtasks will help keep you focused on doing what is truly important. When we have too many things on our to-do list, we can get overwhelmed, this will lead to procrastination and reduce our ability to perform at high levels. Establish every day, what are the things that will move the needle forward and result in actual outcomes.
2. Having a not-to-do list helps with our focus greatly. When everything is a priority, nothing is the priority. While we may have numerous items to settle, we can always prioritize which tasks are more important and which tasks can be addressed at a later time. Create two lists on your note-pad: 1. to-do now list 2. To-do later list. Having all of your required tasks written down into the two specific lists can help you see clearer and focus better on the task that is more important. It also reduces anxious feelings of missing out on projects that are currently not the priority.
3. Doing work in batches is also a great method. How a typical week may look like when we work in batches is as such: Mondays for meetings, Tuesdays for content creation, Wednesdays for customer service, Thursdays for communicating with business partners, Fridays for goal reviewing and goal setting.

Can you help explain some practices that can be used to develop those habits?

To feel less overwhelmed with your to-do list, it will be beneficial to have your main goals written out and reviewed frequently. In doing so you are constantly looking at your big dream instead of being caught up in the demands of others. Having your main goals constantly reviewed, you can differentiate important tasks from menial tasks that may seem to be urgent or important.

Having clarity in the end goal is crucial to prioritizing and organizing your workload. When we have no clarity, we are unclear of the actual impact we want to have. When we are clear on a goal we wish to attain, we can hone in on the areas to further expand as well as clearly sieve out the work that requires the most focus and the work that can be delegated to others. Delegating or removing work from our to-dos by handing them to others can also help us focus better.

As a leader, you likely experience times when you are in a state of Flow. Flow has been described as a pleasurable mental state that occurs when you do something that you are skilled at, that is challenging, and that is meaningful. Can you share some ideas from your experience about how we can achieve a state of Flow more often in our lives?

I rely a lot on meditation and setting clear intentions. When I pause and take a break to let my mind wander off and simply be present and nonjudgmental to my thoughts, that’s when I realize some of my greatest inspiration comes to me. Taking action from this place of knowledge allows me to be in the flow state to know what is important to be done at this phase of my career and to organize it in order.

Ok, we are nearly done. You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.

This is an amazing question! Honestly, I would love to make an impact in the education field. To make mental wellness a priority. From where I live, in Singapore, there is a lot of emphasis on grades in school, job status at the workplace and I personally have seen it harmed me and some of my close friends. The desire in many individuals to get good grades and enter universities at the expense of their social lives and mental health is what breaks my heart at times and is also a source of motivation for me to carry on improving my mental health services.

I hope to inspire more young individuals to slow down, enjoy life, and know that they will have a great life. I want to remind them that their sense of worth does not come from how smart society thinks they are and does not depend on the type of job they have or how much they earn.

Eventually, it is living a happy, vibrant life that is meaningful.

We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we both tag them :-)

Oh my goodness. There are just too many mentors I looked up to, to be named. If I had to choose just one person it would be Brendon Burchard, a high-performance life coach. I am currently a member of his growth platform and I am an avid fan of his work in the personal development industry. He has guided many of his followers to live a purposeful life and I am deeply grateful to him and his team!

How can our readers further follow your work online?

Readers can learn more about my services and story through this website: https://emergedbutterfly.com/. I help individuals struggling with confidence and self-esteem issues be free of them without judgment. I am also active on Instagram at @emergedbutterfly.co

Thank you for these really excellent insights, and we greatly appreciate the time you spent with this. We wish you continued success.

Thank you too for this opportunity to reach a greater community of like-minded individuals, it is an honor to share with you!