Carina Yeap Of Emerged Butterfly On How Simplifying & Decluttering Your Life Can Make You Happier
An Interview With Drew Gerber
Chances are we work to make the relationship work. We give in to the other, we provide excuses for another’s behavior, we may even persuade ourselves to stop growing in order to keep the relationship going.
We live in a time of great excess. We have access to fast fashion, fast food, and fast everything. But studies show that all of our “stuff” is not making us any happier. How can we simplify and focus on what’s important? How can we let go of all the clutter and excess and find true happiness? In this interview series, we are talking to coaches, mental health experts, and authors who share insights, stories, and personal anecdotes about “How Simplifying and Decluttering Your Life Can Make Us Happier.” As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Carina Yeap.
Helping stressed-out individuals unlock their inner cheerleaders through realistic, positive self-talk, Carina Yeap is a certified Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) practitioner and the founder of Emerged Butterfly in Singapore. Known for her professional work ethic, soothing voice, creative visualizations, and deep intuitive knowledge, Carina’s mission is to promote a better understanding of mental wellness, improve self-confidence, and a deeper connection to oneself so you can take action to make your dreams a reality. Having worked with individuals from all over the world, Carina believes strongly that what you want is available to you once you truly see yourself for who you are — whole and enough.
If you’re someone ready and committed for a lifechanging therapeutic session that will help you attain the happiness you so deserve in less than 3 months, check out www.emergedbutterfly.com for more information on how to work 1:1 with Carina.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share your “backstory” with us? What was it that led you to your eventual career choice?
I remember even before PSY 101 class that hearing the word “hypnosis” was intriguing to me. I wanted and needed to find out more about this amazing way of uncovering insights and memories that were once thought to be forgotten.
Fast forward to when I was studying for my Bachelors Degree in Psychology, I knew I was on the right path when I delve hours into researching about hypnotherapy — it’s effectiveness, and how people are transformed by a session.
I have always been and is still an avid fan of the Korean pop (KPOP) music industry.
What saddens me is the rise of celebrities, and idols facing immense stress and pressure leading them to believe that their lives are not meaningful, that they are just a cogwheel in the system, and that the world will be fine even without their existence.
While undergoing my degree studies, there were many cases of idols choosing to take their lives and help wasn’t available to them. Similarly, I was going through a difficult phase in my life — struggling with personal relationships, working with children of special needs part-time while enforcing pressure on myself to be a straight-A student (since the grades are what “employers” look to when hiring — or so I believed).
It was during one of my sessions with a school counsellor that sparked a flame in me — I want to help people struggling with distress, for them to know they are not alone, and this phase of struggle is temporary, there is a way out and support is available.
Upon graduation, I went straight to learning the Rapid Transformation Therapy method from Marisa Peer and since then I’ve been honored to work with individuals around the globe — helping them uncover blocks to finding their lifetime partner, shedding excess weight, overcoming the fear of public speaking and loving themselves for who they are.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
I would say, seeking progress and improvement is a journey. 3 years into building my career online and I’m still finding myself learning skills, reassessing if I’m on the right path, making tweaks to my plan and trying new things out even if it scares me.
Just recently I made a decision to stop certain projects that are not serving me or helping the community in ways I thought they would have. It was a difficult decision but it’s interesting to observe how even I, a therapist, can get in my own way and this is a reminder that nobody is perfect — not even your therapist!
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
Yes! I’m currently in the midst of creating a digital course on Time Management.
The course will be a guided learning process to help stretched out moms, overworked educators, and multi-passionate entrepreneurs recognize the needle moving task, and eliminate distractions for them to strike a healthy balance between catering and serving others while having their own needs met.
Like the saying goes: You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Yet so many loving individuals I communicate and work with shared that they are always the “Carer”, looking out for the needs of others and often feel drained out at the end of the day.
It’s disheartening to see some of the most caring souls reach a state of overwhelm and burnout that they start to get easily agitated and feel guilty afterwards.
It’s exciting however to envision them knowing that help is available, that they can support their loved ones and still have their own needs met. It’s amazing to know that this course will help so many overstretched moms, caregivers, educators and even entrepreneurs create a system that works best for them to serve at their highest level and be joyfully productive!
Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on the topic of “How Simplifying and Decluttering Your Life Can Make You Happier”?
You can trust me on this topic because I, like you, have been there before.
I used to think buying friendship bracelets, having the latest gadgets, and wearing the hippest or trendiest clothes will allow me to be relatable to my friends, that my friendships would last and I’ll be happy. Now, don’t get me wrong I love the meaning behind a friendship bracelet however true friends stick together regardless if you have an identical bracelet or not.
And guess what: the friends who only like you when you change who you are to be more like them, are not the friends for you.
When I got clear on needing the “right” friends rather than desiring “more” friends, I felt authentic happiness. I could be myself however unique I am and still have relatable life experiences to connect with the people who truly care for me.
In fact, “decluttering” certain friends did my mental well-being good — I stopped doubting myself, I stopped questioning myself, I stopped doing things that weren’t aligned with the person I wanted to be.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the main focus of our interview. We live in a time of excess. We have access to so much. But studies show that all of our “stuff” is not making us any happier. Can you articulate for our readers a few reasons why all of our possessions are not giving us happiness?
- Not feeling good enough.
Many a times, we get new “stuff”, create new ambition, goals and seek new relationships because we all have the same underlying fear — that we are not good enough.
Regardless if the person is a multi-Grammy award winner, a thriving business owner, an engineer, or a caregiver, we all have this same fear.
When a person feels lack — they don’t belong, are not good enough for something, someone or feel they are vastly different from others and don’t fit in, they will seek more stuff, more experiences, more recognition so they can feel good enough about themselves.
It’s a subconscious desire driving a conscious behavior. We subconsciously think “something is lacking” and then consciously go out to purchase something we think will make us happy. Yet it’s a void, a feeling that doesn’t cease.
One of human’s greatest need is to belong, and connect. When we feel less than others, we think happiness is out there, it’s something or someone to pursue. Yet when we get that person or that new bag or travel to a remote country the feeling of not good enough never quite goes away.
2. Judgmental thoughts and self-criticism.
Collectively, we were taught that happiness is an end goal. Happiness happens when we get good grades, are popular with our friends, work in a high paying job, live in a nice grand house, get married, have kids and go on yearly retreats.
You’ll notice it’s influence on you as you scroll through social media and recognize yourself judging or criticizing your current circumstances in comparison to others who are sharing images of their positive experiences. Thinking: “if only I worked harder, if only I did this, if only I did that I will be happy like him/ her.”
The problem with this form of education is the teaching that happiness doesn’t come from within us and we have to get more, and reach a certain societal standard to be happy. We have an expected formular for achieving happiness which involves more doing, and more having.
On a broader societal level, how do you think this excessiveness may be harming our communities and society?
On the broader level, we become familiar with the comparison habit, and start to be critical or judgmental towards ourselves, the people around us and the society in general.
With advertisements, films, or stories promoting a happy family in a huge house at a secluded location, we start to form the belief that there are only finite resources, and we have to compete with others to succeed because “there are only so many successful companies” or “not everyone is as lucky as …” or “I’m not … who am I kidding to think that what s/he has is available to me to?”
We start to believe that only a limited, talented few people can reach “success” and attain happiness. We start to see the evidence of our education being played out and believe that in order to be happy we need more accolades, more stuff, bigger and better things to be happy. This can cause us to overvalue material objects and devalue personal relationships.
We spend more time working, more time earning money, more time buying but never more time with our loved ones.
The irony of struggling with happiness in modern times is glaring. In many places in the world today, we have more than ever before in history. Yet despite this, so many people are unhappy. Why is simplifying a solution? How would simplifying help people to access happiness?
When we simplify, we realize we really don’t need much to be happy. We see that we can be content with having the bare minimum. We can still have our desires but don’t have to follow the trend or get the latest “in” thing to be happy. We can still wear beautiful clothes we feel good in and no longer stress or get uncomfortable about wanting to be the best dressed at a party.
When we simplify our life, and need for more, we free ourselves from responsibilities or external goals we might not feel comfortable fulfilling. Doing so gives us freedom of choice to engage in activities that truly light our heart with passion and gain access to happiness without conditions.
Can you share some insights from your own experience? Where in your life have you transformed yourself from not having enough to finally experiencing enough? For example, many people feel they don’t have enough money. Yet, people define abundance differently, and often, those with the least money can feel the most abundant. Where in your health, wealth, or relationships have you transformed your life?
I used to think I have to be the best at everything to be happy. I aimed for straight As in exams, I worked hard and buried myself in learning not with the goal to learn but with the goal to excel and feel good about the grades I attained.
Even as I started building my dream career I wanted it all — I wanted a to build a community, I wanted the subscribers, I wanted to write and sell books, I wanted to do coaching, I wanted to do them all.
Until not too long ago I myself, reached a burnout.
Working on that many items for a business simply was not achievable given I was a one-man shop.
Thankfully, I slowed down and reassess my goals in life — what do I actually want?
Knowing the feelings you want to feel through the day is vital to your mental health and actually propels you forward to the things, people and situation that aligns with you.
I hired a virtual assistant, reassessed the products and services I’ll like to provide and started to simplify the offers I had.
It’s not that I’ve shrunk my ambitions, but rather I created a “not now” list.
Instead of working on 5 different projects and getting overwhelmed, I’m intentionally choosing to work on 2 specific goals this year — to create my digital course and to continue providing 1–1 RTT service to the people who need them most.
There’s no competition, and I feel good where I’m at now.
People, places, and things shape our lives. For example, your friends generate conversations that influence you. Where you live impacts what you eat and how you spend your time. The “things” in your life, like phones, technology, or books impact your recreation. Can you tell us a little about how people, places, and things in your own life impact your experience of “experiencing enough?”
I’ve been blessed to enjoy reading, listening to audio books and to identify myself as a nerd in personal development, psychology and self-help. I love to immerse myself into hours of learning from various mentors who’s been through the trenches and I enjoy going deep with my conversations when speaking to close friends — discussing about surface level stuff such as gossiping is not our kind of thing.
I’m always journalling, reflecting on how the day, week, month and year felt and constantly reminding myself I’m making progress everyday no matter how big or small the progression is.
I’m also a strong believer that there’s a right time for everything, and as we prepare ourselves, learn skills to better ourselves, the opportunities meant for us will not escape us when the time is right. There is simply no rush and no pressure, only commitment to progress.
Adopting such a growth mindset allowed me to extend grace to myself on the difficult days. Instead of turning to external validation, seeking the approval from another, turning to another tub of ice cream or buying another piece of dress that I’m able to remember: what I did today was enough even if it meant just existing and showing up for the day.
What advice would you give to younger people about “experiencing enough?”
You have the power and you are responsible for how you see yourself. At the end of the day nobody can make you feel good or bad about yourself if you don’t allow them to. You have a choice to let others get you down or to ignore the naysayers, and go forth on your own path.
Instead of seeking recognition and approval from others, choose to praise yourself. Making a habit to praise yourself on a daily basis reduces your need to buy more, eat more, shop more, do more simply because self-praise has no agenda and it boosts your self-esteem and self-confidence so much more than external validation does.
You are good enough, you always have been and you always will be good enough — allow yourself to recognize this truth.
This is the main question of our interview. Based on your experience and research, can you share your “five ways we can simplify and declutter our lives to make us happier?”
1. Simplifying your workload:
For the past 5 years I’ve transitioned from being a university student to working part time as a special needs educator to building my own business online while providing RTT service 1–1 and still continuing my education through online courses on top of managing my day to day responsibilities.
With so much on my plate, I felt stuck in a cycle of overworked and overwhelmed, constantly thinking there’s not enough time, there’s so much to be done, and in a constant state of worry. I’ve tried waking up early, buying planners, creating to-do lists, reducing time spent socializing but my schedule still gets filled up and this left me feeling exhausted, and out of control.
The thing is, many of us are stuck in a constant cycle of overwhelm, overwork and burnout. Agreeing to our bosses, saying yes to opportunities, and showing up for everyone does not bring us happiness, rather it drains us of our energy.
When you notice yourself getting easily triggered, having less patience with yourself and your loved ones or constantly needing sleep, that is a sign you’ve got too much on your plate too.
Noticing that I’m not showing up as much for life as I’d like to, I took on a new mantra and it works well as a daily motivation to stay mindful of where I’m spending my time.
Mantra: Busy-ness is a badge of honor — I do not want!
Using this mantra brought my attention to where I was spending time distracted, pleasing others and putting my goals and dreams on the back burner.
Use this mantra and see how it transforms the way you work and show up for life!
Instead of having a whopping list of 25 items on your to do list, look at the big goals in your life and break them up to tiny actionable goals. Give yourself a rough estimate of how long each action item is going to take and make sure to show up consistently to make progress.
You don’t have to feel overwhelmed with a huge list of to dos, ending up doing nothing and getting distracted but you can pick three top task each day, knock them off and in a month you would have achieved 90 tasked and truly moved forward!
2. Simplifying your relationships:
We humans are social creatures, and have the need to belong, and to connect. But what happens if a relationship’s time is due?
Chances are we work to make the relationship work. We give in to the other, we provide excuses for another’s behavior, we may even persuade ourselves to stop growing in order to keep the relationship going.
Yet, there are various types of relationships — seasonal, lifelong and purposeful relationships.
Seasonal relationships are the kind of friendships which we know for a season in our life. As time pass, and we take our own individual paths, we grow apart and that is normal.
Lifelong relationships are the friends and people in our lives who may not always be there for us but are the people who help us when we’re at our weakest, and cheers us on when we’re about to give up. These are also the people who we celebrate our happiness with. While they may have different interests to us, they are invested in the person we are growing to be and choose to grow with us.
Purposeful relationships are the type that either teaches us a lesson or helps us through a life experience. Think of the person who last hurt you — that person came to your life for a purpose, to teach you a lesson be it kindness, empathy, how hurt people hurt others, or share with you a new way of thinking. Life teachers can also come to us in times of needs. Think of the mentor whom you paid to learn a new skill from. This mentor was introduced to you to help you with attaining a new skill and becoming a better version of yourself whether it be learning a new skill for the workplace or being a better parent at home.
When we simplify our relationships, we free ourselves from obligations we might not feel comfortable fulfilling — remember that yearly gathering where you sat down just to listen to others gossiping with one another, and leaving the gathering feeling drained?
As you close doors to an old relationship, you free your time, and energy to meet new people, form new connections and relationships.
3. Simplifying your material needs:
Having more things doesn’t make us happy. Studies have shown that shopping and getting a promotion don’t affect us as positively as praising ourselves.
Despite the common saying “shopping is cheaper than therapy. Shopping is fun, therapy isn’t”, what most don’t understand is the happiness you attain from shopping only boosts your mood for a short time and it does not make you feel any better about yourselves at all.
Having a promotion, and getting accolades boosts your mood in the moments you’re recognized and seen by your colleagues, coworkers, and supervisors. Yet, the person who has to like you at the end of the day is the person in the mirror and that person cares more if you’re happy on a day-to-day basis without the need for external validation.
The solution? Instead of getting caught up with needing to get the latest smart devices or the recently launched car model, or the most instagram-worthy living room décor, choose to praise yourself.
Praising yourself reduces your need to buy more, eat more, shop more, and do more simply because self-praise has no agenda and it boosts your self-esteem much more than external validation does.
4.Simplifying your goals
Overachieving or seeking to be a perfectionist is the pathway to an unfulfilled life. There is simply no end to being perfect. When noticing yourself pursing many goals at once, pause and ponder if this is truly what you need in the season of life you’re in. Often times, we are eager to become our “future” self that we over pressurize our current self to do more, be more, so that we can accelerate the change and get to the finishing line faster.
Yet, when you slow down, you’re happier, you’re present, you are calm, you accelerate in growth and you’re right where you need to be.
5.Simplifying your thoughts
Are you present in each moment, fully absorbing the experience you’re having, or are you constantly having multiple thoughts while studying, working, or spending time with your family. Are you struggling to be present with your loved ones while thinking about work, and constantly worrying about your child when you’re working?
While multitasking has been seen as a “skill” we ought to have, what it really does is leave us distracted and keep our minds running on overdrive.
Whenever you notice yourself thinking about too many things, ground yourself in the present moment and ask these 3 questions:
- What am I doing now?
- What am I feeling now?
- What am I thinking about now?
Use your five senses to take in information that is happening in the present and let go of thoughts that are intruding in the background.
Acknowledge the thoughts you have either by writing them down on a piece of paper or noting it on your notes app on your device and return to the present moment. When you build a habit of presence, you give the people around you the best gift you can — your attention.
By simplifying your thoughts, you also get peace of mind and notice the blessings happening around you.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)
It would be a movement towards knowing there’s more than enough to go around. To remind humankind once more about the abundance we have — the love we are born with, the abundance of support, and kindness.
It’s important to remember that even when one person decides to treat others kindly and be generous because s/he knows there’s more to go around when we are wealthy (emotionally, and financially) we all benefit.
Instead of thinking it’s necessary to compete and fight for our resources, we can collaborate and create success and a happy lifestyle for all.
When we stop thinking we are separate beings on our sole pursuits and remember that all we want, collectively, is to be happy, we can commit ourselves to take action towards joy. Doing so, we grow in love, compassion, and kindness.
Lastly, I hope for us all to remember: good karma truly repays the person with a kind heart. You have a kind heart. Remember you’re a good person.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
You can find me working with clients at www.emergedbutterfly.com or receive regular mental health tidbits, inspirations, and insights on Instagram at @emergedbutterfly.co (https://www.instagram.com/emergedbutterfly.co/), if you’re a Pinterest pinner, I’m also there sharing insights and research findings daily https://www.pinterest.com/CarinaYeap/, to remove the stigma towards seeking professional help for mental wellness and promoting kindness to self and others.
Thank you so much for these insights. This was so inspiring, and so important!
I appreciate your intention to share insight and knowledge on this topic. It’s what’s needed the most now in a world where happiness seems to be an external pursuit rather than an internal understanding. Thank you!
About The Interviewer: For 30 years, Drew Gerber has been inspiring those who want to change the world. Drew is the CEO of Wasabi Publicity, Inc., a full-service PR agency lauded by PR Week and Good Morning America. Wasabi Publicity, Inc. is a global marketing company that supports industry leaders, change agents, unconventional thinkers, companies and organizations that strive to make a difference. Whether it’s branding, traditional PR or social media marketing, every campaign is instilled with passion, creativity and brilliance to powerfully tell their clients’ story and amplify their intentions in the world. Schedule a free consultation at WasabiPublicity.com/Choosing-Publicity
