Caring for Myself and My Twins: Shelby Thomas Of Twin Baby Registry On Emotional and Physical Recovery After Giving Birth To Twins

An Interview With Lucinda Koza

…Connecting with other twin moms and realizing that we all feel the same way and all experience these feelings of guilt, overwhelm, and sometimes helplessness in certain moments helps to improve mental strength. A sense of community is an important thing to have and to lean on as a twin parent…

Giving birth to twins presents unique challenges and demands a significant emotional and physical recovery process. The journey to regaining well-being while caring for newborn twins is complex and deeply personal. Balancing self-care with the needs of two newborns can be overwhelming, but it is crucial for the health of both the mother and her babies. By sharing these experiences, we hope to provide valuable insights, support, and practical advice to others facing similar challenges. As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Shelby Thomas.

Shelby Thomas is the Founder of Twin Baby Registry® and twin girl mom from Dallas, TX. Twin Baby Registry® was created to support first-time parents expecting multiples through their pregnancy, postpartum, and beyond. Shelby’s twin pregnancy left her feeling like there was still work to be done in the world to help support twin parents. So, she designed a pre-tailored baby registry to provide a stress-free experience and reduce the overwhelm of parents planning for multiples. Parents can also access a blog with resources and information to help them on their journey.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you tell us a bit about you and your backstory?

My husband and I live just outside Dallas, TX, where we welcomed our twin girls in 2020. Before the birth of our girls and the founding of Twin Baby Registry®, I was an Art Director (and still am!) for a small marketing agency. Combining my professional experience with the experience life has taught me through raising our twins led me to launch Twin Baby Registry® to help others. I enjoy helping parents of multiples and encouraging them on their journey.

Can you share a little about your childbirth experience with us?

I had an unscheduled c-section delivery on the morning of my birthday. My twins were born early at 34 weeks and 4 days and my water broke the night before around 10:30 pm. I can remember not knowing what was happening. This was my first pregnancy, and I didn’t know what to expect. I was getting ready for bed and my husband was still watching TV. I had to waddle back out to the living room and tell him, “I think my water just broke!” We called my OBGYN’s office, and I spoke to an on-call nurse. She told us to head to the hospital and get checked out just to be safe. I had zero pain even though I was having contractions. When we got to the hospital, they offered me a wheelchair and escorted us up to labor and delivery where they could connect ultrasound equipment and monitors to my belly to look at everything. Sure enough, my fluid levels were low, and they proceeded to schedule me for a c-section the next morning. Twin A was head down, but Twin B was transverse, so they wanted to be cautious and do a c-section to prevent any further complications.

The next morning, after a restless night and no sleep, they took me to the delivery room where I received an epidural. They warned me that it could cause some nausea and handed me a bag. I was laying on an extremely skinny table that I thought for sure I was going to roll off if I so much as sneezed, and not 5 minutes later I proceeded to get sick. Somehow, I was able to stay on that table through the whole ordeal. Then, they brought my husband in all suited up in blue scrubs with 6 nurses and 2 doctors. When it was time for my c-section I was anxious, but I knew I had to remain calm for things to go well. Because of the epidural, I did not feel any pain during delivery, but I could feel exactly what was happening the entire time even without seeing it. The curtain was drawn, covering my view, but my husband got to watch it all. I knew when each baby was removed. It feels like a giant weight being lifted off you (because it is) and I immediately felt like I could breathe again.

They brought Baby A around where I could see her, and I touched her face before they whisked her away to the NICU. They did the same for Baby B. For just a brief second I saw them. I wouldn’t get to hold them for at least 48 hours. Almost immediately after they took them to the NICU, I started shivering and shaking uncontrollably. I hemorrhaged and lost a lot of blood. Thank goodness I had the best doctors, and they were able to get it all under control. I was fine, but I was extremely weak. I stayed in my recovery bed for the next two days. My husband was able to go visit the girls in the NICU and take pictures of them to show me. A nurse wheeled me down in my hospital bed to the NICU that night and I was able to view each baby from the doorway of their NICU room while lying in my bed. They were nestled inside their little incubators safe and sound.

Twin pregnancies can often be high-risk and include premature deliveries. If you had difficulties with your twin pregnancy, how did that inform the early days after their arrival? How did it inform the bonding process?

As I mentioned, I hemorrhaged after delivery and lost a good amount of blood. So, my recovery, even just to be able to walk again, took a few more days in the hospital than I anticipated. It was sad to not be able to have that experience you see most new mothers get. You imagine being able to hold your babies right after birth and having skin-to-skin bonding time with them. Then, you imagine getting to have them lying in their bassinet next to your bed in the same room while you recover. That was not my case. I think that happens to a lot of twin moms who deliver prematurely with babies needing NICU. On day 3 when I was finally able to move around, I hung on to my husband’s arm and he helped me walk down the hall to go visit our twins in NICU.

Meanwhile, as we were moving at a snail’s pace, another mom came flying out of her postpartum recovery room into the hallway and walked down the hall as if she hadn’t just given birth hours before. I think it hit me then that I was in worse shape than I thought. But I had to keep my chin up because I was thankful that I was progressing, and our babies were doing well in NICU. I may not have had the initial bonding time with my twins that I wanted, but the way it all worked out was best. They were able to get the care they required by spending time growing and being monitored in the NICU while I recovered. Their NICU stay was truly a blessing in disguise. It’s honestly the best thing that could have happened for all of us.

A twin pregnancy makes demands of your body that are almost impossible to imagine. How does this change, or not change, once they are born?

I only have my twins, so I have no other comparison. But I will say that I think having a c-section makes the postpartum period more difficult than if you have a vaginal delivery. And that goes for twins or singletons. Your body is working overtime during twin pregnancy to support two babies and that won’t stop until you die. You will continue to labor for the rest of your life to take care of them. (Welcome to motherhood! Lol.) But, in all seriousness, it’s not that bad. I adapted to it and even though my c-section recovery took a long time, I just took things slow, and I had help from my husband.

If you cannot, like most people, accomplish the physical act of holding both of your twins at the same time, how does this affect you as a mother? Is there ever a sense of lack of control, or fear, or guilt?

Mom guilt is a real thing. And it sucks. With twins, it’s difficult especially when both babies are crying and want your attention at the same time. When they are little, it is easier to maneuver them so that you can hold them together at the same time. But, as they grow, they don’t stop needing you and they only get bigger to hold. So, there is always a feeling of guilt when you must tend to one at a time while the other one fusses. But, as a twin mom, you will surprise yourself with what you can do. If you need to pick both babies up at the same time you’ll find a way. Trust me. And for the period between when they start walking, until about age 3, you will only visit places that are enclosed. Because if your twins are anything like mine, they will try to dart in opposite directions. Talk about a fear of lack of control. It’s real! Playgrounds with gated fences will be your friend, along with wagon strollers.

How have you been able to manage or overcome these feelings?

I think I just learned to manage the mom guilt and keep on momming. It’s the only thing you can do. Just knowing that I’m doing the best I can to provide for both babies and they’re fed and loved means I’m doing a good job even if I don’t always believe it. Connecting with other twin moms and realizing that we all feel the same way and all experience these feelings of guilt, overwhelm, and sometimes helplessness in certain moments helps to improve mental strength. A sense of community is an important thing to have and to lean on as a twin parent.

In a perfect world, what do you think moms of twins need to ensure this transition into motherhood is a healthy one?

Help. A postpartum plan and a doula. I think it would be fantastic if there was a program at no cost to the parents where every new parent of multiples could be paired with a postpartum doula at the time of delivery. The doula would help support them through the first month with their twins at home (or in NICU, depending on circumstance). There is so much to learn that we didn’t know when we had our twins. I think if you knew you were going to have professional help in the first few weeks after delivery, you would be less anxious and feel more confident and prepared.

Ok. Here is the main question of our discussion. Can you please share “5 Things You Need to Recover Emotionally and Physically After Giving Birth to Twins”?

If you can, kindly share a story or example for each.

1 . Rest. I think rest is going to be super important to your postpartum recovery, especially if you have a c-section like I did. Nothing says recovery like being handed two newborns to care for after a major abdominal surgery. So, I highly recommend lining up someone who can help you quite a bit during the first two weeks afterward. Whether that’s your partner, another family member, or you hire a doula, you will be better off for it. My husband was extremely helpful with our newborn twins. He kept me on a pumping schedule, prepped the bottles and my pump parts so I could stay in bed, changed diapers, helped me feed them during the night so it went faster, did chores around the house, and made sure I ate. He kept me alive. I am so grateful he was there for me, and I can’t imagine what it would have been like without him. I know I was fortunate for that.

2 . Support. This goes right along with rest. Support can be emotional and physical. It can come from someone like your partner who you can talk to and make sure you’re feeling okay. It can be a family member or friend. Someone who you connect with and can support you not just by cleaning your house, cooking a meal, and doing some laundry or feeding the babies, but by checking up on your mental/emotional well-being. Postpartum depression is serious, and sometimes we need to have someone close to us be able to recognize that we may need more help than we think we do.

3 . Community. They say it takes a village for a reason. Find a private twin mom Facebook group to join or follow some accounts on Instagram (or whatever your favorite social channel might be) so that you can connect with others in your shoes. I had certain questions about my twins that only other twin moms would know how to answer. I was so thankful for my twin mom groups. I felt like I could turn to them for advice and support.

4 . Faith. Sometimes things happen in twin parenthood and life in general that are out of our control. Especially if your twins are your first babies like mine were, your life is about to look nothing like it did before. That can come as a shock. It can be downright overwhelming and exhausting. When rest, support, and community are just not enough, you’re going to need faith to pull you through. Church of the Highlands has a great online app and Pastor Chris Hodges is amazing. Give it a look sometime. It just might help you on your roughest days.

5 . Purpose. If you find yourself feeling lost in motherhood and feeling like something is missing, maybe it’s time to dig deep and figure out your purpose. For me, I felt like I was extremely blessed to have my twins. I have two healthy babies, an amazing husband, and family and friends who care about me–this must be all I need, right? So why did I feel like I was still just muddling through motherhood? Was I just being ungrateful? Or was I supposed to do more? I’m bringing this up because a new sense of purpose might be exactly the thing you need to help you recover emotionally after giving birth to your twins. (Something other than feeding babies, laundry, and dishes to look forward to!)

Has your sense of self shifted, or morphed, with the birth of your twins?

Absolutely. I’ve always had dreams and ambitions, but as a twin mom, I had to rediscover what that meant. Who was I now? What was I supposed to do? I had to figure out how to balance my mom and family life with my purpose. So far that has been helping other twin parents through Twin Baby Registry®. The whole idea for that would have never been imagined had it not been for my twins.

Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)?

My husband! A private brunch date for just the two of us sounds so nice. It’s hard to get the time when you are busy twin parents.

If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

A NICU Parent Support Program — to piggyback off my idea above, I think if there were a free program in place to offer postpartum planning and provide a doula to NICU families for support after pregnancy for 1–2 months, that would be amazing. It would help a lot of people on all sides of the equation.

How can our readers follow your work online?

Follow us @twinbabyregistry on Instagram. Visit our website to create your Twin Baby Registry® at www.twinbabyregistry.com and join our private online support community for moms of multiples on Facebook.

Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.

About the Interviewer: After becoming her father’s sole caregiver at a young age, Lucinda Koza founded I-Ally, a community-based app that provides access to services and support for millennial family caregivers. Mrs. Koza has had essays published in Thought Catalog, Medium Women, Caregiving.com and Hackernoon.com. She was featured in ‘Founded by Women: Inspiration and Advice from over 100 Female Founders’ by Sydney Horton. A filmmaker, Mrs. Koza premiered short film ‘Laura Point’ at the 2015 Cannes Film Festival and recently co-directed ‘Caregivers: A Story About Them’ with Egyptian filmmaker Roshdy Ahmed. Her most notable achievement, however, has been becoming a mother to fraternal twins in 2023. Reach out to Lucinda via social media or directly by email: lucinda@i-ally.com.