Cat Colella-Graham of Cheer Partners: Emotional Intelligence; What It Is, Why It Is So Essential, And How We Can Increase It
EQ is important in family and personal relationships too. These intimate relationships are different from work relationships, because there is a personal stake in the game. That said, the same self-awareness, empathy, and ability to self-regulate apply. Think of the times you have argued with your partner or friend, how could you have enabled a better outcome? That perspective is essential to building strong, trustworthy relationships.
As a part of our series about “Emotional Intelligence, I had the pleasure of interviewing Cat Colella-Graham.
Cat Graham is the founder and Chief Employee Experience Officer of Cheer Partners, the employee experience agency. Cat has more than 20 years’ experience in Human Resources and Internal Communications across the communications, management consulting and software industries.
She is also the co-founder of the Diversity Marketing Consortium in partnership with Harlem Capital Advisors, and is a member of the Forbes Human Resources Council, a mentor with the Cherie Blair Foundation for Women, frequently guest lectures at Georgetown and NYU and is an active participant at TED conferences.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
I am an only child and grew up essentially in Europe. My father was Italian and believed in a global education. Starting in Lyon, France then to boarding school in Villars, Switzerland, looking back these were formative times for resilience and resourcefulness. I learned to value different cultures and perspectives early on, and of course learned several languages along the way, many I still use as a volunteer TED translator. Growing up in foreign lands, you need to understand the grace of being a guest, be self-aware, have empathy and the social skills to know when to speak but most importantly when to listen.
What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear the story.
I have to credit Charley Zeches, who is one of my best friends, mentors and in fact is the godmother of my children. Prior to a people focused career, I was in Shareholder Services at Bank of Boston. I saw how under resourced human resources was, but wherever it showed up, it made a marked impact on engagement. I talked to Charley about it, she put me in touch with people in her network that were Human Resource leaders who told me the who what where and why, and I was able to take advantage of free training at the New England Banking Institute to get certificated and knowledgeable about the path.
None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Was there a particular person who you feel gave you the most help or encouragement to be who you are today? Can you share a story about that?
I have a very close circle of advisors and mentors, including an executive coach, who serve as full length mirrors. Some are former colleagues, some are fellow TEDsters, some from Chief. While it’s easy to have people cheer you on, agree with your path, the best advice I have ever received is when people tell me like it is, in a stoic approach and without emotion (that doesn’t mean without investment). I value the truth in the advice I seek, and offer it in return. I believe in Shine Theory, and I rely on my consort who have helped me become who I am today.
Can you share the funniest or most interesting mistake that occurred to you in the course of your career? What lesson or take away did you learn from that?
While I wouldn’t call it funny, it was pivotal. I was at Bank of Boston and reported to a woman named Christine. She was a terrific boss because she allowed you to be expansive about your role, well before that was even a thing. I enjoyed working hard for her. She had promoted me to run the two telephone units, I was only 24 at the time. She had then gone out on parental leave, leaving Jim in charge. Jim was very old school, and didn’t believe in female managers. I had consistently excellent reviews, even from Jim’s boss in this new role. Then I went out on parental leave. When I returned, he told me he gave my job away because I was clearly on the mommy track. I was devastated. I quit and took another role. Six months later Bank of Boston Human Resources called me to ask if I was planning on filing charges against Jim and that they would be sending me paperwork to make it right. I told them not to bother. Jim treating me this was started a fire in me to fight for parity and equality in the workplace. In the end, I should thank Jim.
The road to success is hard and requires tremendous dedication. This question is obviously a big one, but what advice would you give to a young person who aspires to follow in your footsteps and emulate your success?
Be accountable. It can be tempting to be charismatic, creative and even play politics. Those who succeed, are those who deliver.
Is there a particular book, film, or podcast that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?
I actually translated this TED talk in 2017, and it remains something that had an incredible impact on me. It was done by Tim Ferris, author of the Four Hour Work Week, and the talk was about why you should define your fears instead of your goals. I often use his Fear Setting exercise to this day. Its an incredibly clarifying exercise. In fact, I used it prior to kicking off Cheer Partners. I never started a business before, and going through that process lead me to launch this company. He is definitely on my morning walk podcast list.
Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does that resonate with you so much?
I would say there are a few “catisms” I am known for (my team would be chuckling right now since that is what they call them!)
Get it right, not just done
Be a voice, not an echo
Responsiveness is next to godliness
To name a few. These are all based on respect and trust. If you are tasked with something, zoom out consider the intersectionality of your task to the overall objectives. Don’t just write content. Consider the audience and give them a reason to believe. If someone trusted you with a task, do it to the best of your ability. Same applies to being a voice. It’s important to break consensus bias, stress test approaches. Being an echo shows lack of commitment. As responsiveness is key. Don’t wait until you have the answer, let the person know you will get back to them promptly with the answer or resource. It shows you care and value the relationship.
What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?
Since my mission is to change the way employees experience work, we have so many. This year has been somewhat of a silver lining for our purpose. We have always been remote, but we continue to create new ways to engage and inspired a connected culture for remote work, which we have shared with clients and partners alike. It is also the year of a global chorus for racial equity and inclusion. I co-founded the Diversity Marketing Consortium in partnership with Harlem Capital Advisors to support women and diverse start up founders. It launched in July this year and we have already made an marked impact on amplifying the brands we have worked with. In addition, in January we are launching a Forbes BrandVoice page (Forbes EQ o BrandVoice) which will be a dedicated space for diverse start up storytelling. Finally we are doing so much in the space of employee communications, really trend spotting to align engagement to business results.
OK, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the core focus of our interview. Can you briefly tell our readers a bit about why you are an authority about Emotional Intelligence?
I am certified to train in many psychometrics, and each one, whether DISC or Enneagram aligns to the ability to work within teams. Particularly in leadership, this matters. Having Emotional Intelligence is essential for success. I often do a seminar for the leadership offsites for our clients in EQ, so they understand how they can better understand their superpowers, and control the baser instincts in their shadow side.
For the benefit of our readers, can you help to define what Emotional Intelligence is?
I think Travis Bradberry defines it best. It is the ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and in others, and to use this awareness to manage behaviors and relationships.
How is Emotional Intelligence different from what we normally refer to as intelligence?
One can be highly intelligent, and understand complex problem sets with ease. Interpersonal relationships require a different skill set. While IQ cannot be taught, EQ can. It required a self-awareness and understanding of how your audience perceives your direction, and how your audience is motivated to succeed. You need empathy to be skilled at EQ.
Can you help explain a few reasons why Emotional Intelligence is such an important characteristic? Can you share a story or give some examples?
I work with a lot of leaders developing their pillars and executive thought leadership. Leaders who are emotionally intelligent build productive teams which impacts every aspect of the workplace. It shows up as emotional strength, social intelligence and a commitment to relationships. This does not mean you cant be an introvert, or an extrovert. But it’s about how you show up as a leader. A recent example is the Away CEO story. She developed a clique, not based on performance but based on their loyalty to her, and developed a bullying cut throat culture. She was ultimately fired, after employee stakeholder activism took the story public. This has reduced its brand value, affecting every stakeholder. Had she read the signs, listened to her people, and was more self-aware, she could have course corrected.
Would you feel comfortable sharing a story or anecdote about how Emotional Intelligence has helped you in your life? We would love to hear about it.
Absolutely. First and foremost, as a human resources and employee communications leader, I must be aware of the critical drivers of employee engagement. That said, we are all works in progress, and it takes an intentional commitment to develop your EQ muscle. This isn’t just in how you lead, but how others around you react to your leadership. In a former role, a CFO was clearly threatened by me, and taking advantage of the CEO who I was a staunch advocate of. I raised the alarm bells for the good of the company, but I never anticipated the retaliatory steps this CFO would take. She was able to go around me and put in her own “yes men” and reduce my scope and ability to deliver. It was a good lesson for me. Had I paid more attention to the signs, I might spent more time understanding her motivation, and have been able to compel her to be an ally, as opposed to a foe. Sadly I was not the only person who resigned due to her behavior.
Can you share some specific examples of how Emotional Intelligence can help a person become more successful in the business world?
Think of it as reading the room, and this can even be the virtual conference room we are all enjoying now. Watch what people are doing, are they focused, so they carry similar themes meeting to meeting, are they the first to jump in and help, or the first to challenge the idea on the table. By understanding how people react to one another and to assignments, you can better understand what their motivators are, which enables you to help them maximize their success.
Can you share a few examples of how Emotional Intelligence can help people have better relationships?
EQ is important in family and personal relationships too. These intimate relationships are different from work relationships, because there is a personal stake in the game. That said, the same self-awareness, empathy, and ability to self-regulate apply. Think of the times you have argued with your partner or friend, how could you have enabled a better outcome? That perspective is essential to building strong, trustworthy relationships.
Can you share a few examples of how Emotional Intelligence can help people have more optimal mental health?
Absolutely. I will share my own. As an entrepreneur, it’s easy to while away hours at your desk, and not practice self-care. I know when I put work exclusively first, it weakens my ability to be effective. When I skip the walk or workout, work into the wee hours of the morning, I deliver poorer not greater results. It takes a conscious effort to be self-aware and rationally approach how to balance the work. That is EQ.
Ok. Wonderful. Here is the main question of our interview. Can you recommend five things that anyone can do to develop a greater degree of Emotional Intelligence? Please share a story or example for each.
- Journal. I keep a daily journal ending with the gratitude of the day. And yes you can find something to be grateful for each day
- Find your full-length mirror. Encourage the feedback loop. You can’t grow if you don’t know
- Pause, reflect then answer.
- Empathy matters, every day
- Put yourself in other peoples shoes.
Do you think our educational system can do a better job at cultivating Emotional Intelligence? What specific recommendations would you make for schools to help students cultivate Emotional Intelligence?
I would encourage schools to practice inclusion, and tolerance. Teachers are overburdened today with online learning, however, pausing at the end of each lesson with a moment of silence, or a round of peach and pit of the day, will help students develop an understanding of each other’s perspectives.
Ok, we are nearly done. You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.
This is a tough question! I think it would be to challenge boardrooms to prioritize the employee experience. Really understand what it’s like to work at your company. Encourage focus groups and two way feedback, be sure when you share news its inclusive of all the members of the team that make it happen. Weed out toxic culture levers, and encourage peer to peer recognition. Invest in employee communications and give the reason to believe. The employee experience, much like customer experience, has the potential to create brand ambassadors for life.
We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we both tag them :-)
I am very lucky to have so many powerful leaders in my village, that said I would love to have a private lunch with Ariana Huffington, how she chose joy and created a life around it is incredible.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
https://www.linkedin.com/in/catgraham/
Thank you for these really excellent insights, and we greatly appreciate the time you spent with this. We wish you continued success.
