Daniella Cornue of Le Village Cowork On How to Raise Children Who Feel Loved and Connected

An interview with Pirie Jones Grossman

Work to be fully present when you are with your child. That means focus your attention on the child and put down the phone. You don’t want them to think that whatever is happening on that little device is much more interesting and important than them. When I am having connection periods with my daughter (like doing something one on one or during mealtimes) I have a strict no phone policy. If I don’t want her begging for her tablet during a family period — then I shouldn’t get to use my phone.

Parenting is challenging. We all try so hard to give our all to our children. We desperately want them to feel loved and connected. But somehow there is often a disconnect. Perhaps it’s a generational thing, or that we don’t seem to speak the same language as our children, or just all of the “disconnection” that our kids are dealing with in today’s frenetic world. What are steps that parents can take to help their children feel loved and connected? As a part of our series about “How to Raise Children Who Feel Loved and Connected” we had the pleasure to interview Daniella Cornue.

Daniella is the owner and founder of Le Village Cowork, a child-centric coworking space in Chicago with three more locations coming in 2023. She’s on a mission to help get working parents, especially mothers, back to work. Le Village’s Cowork + Childcare model allows members to be present with their kids, create a flexible and independent lifestyle, make lifelong friends, and love coming to work again!

Thank you so much for joining us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to get to know a bit about you. Can you tell us your “childhood backstory”?

I am an 80’s baby. I was born to a poor, single mother at the age of 18 in the rural midwest. I am a Latina and was raised a proud feminist. My mom is my guiding light–she works harder than anyone I have ever met, but is still the biggest giver that I have ever met. She had the most amazing friends and family. So I guess I was taught to work hard, to be a good listener and friend, and that community is everything. I worship my mom to this day.

Can you share the story about what brought you to this specific point in your career?

I created Le Village Cowork because, despite my employer offering a maternity program and flexible work options, I couldn’t seem to find flexible care. I was spending hours every day commuting to and from work, which meant I was missing out on most of my daughter’s day. I found myself struggling with my need to work and my need to be a present mother. One night I Googled “Coworking and Childcare” and I couldn’t believe that basically nothing came up. So, I went for it, and I created Le Village Cowork.

My goal is to try to redefine what it means to be a working parent, to give parents the best of both worlds and more, to give them community. I definitely do not have it all figured out, but I do know that I didn’t feel like what I had was enough, and I heard a lot of other parents saying the same thing.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the core of our discussion. This is probably intuitive to many, but it would be beneficial to spell it out. Based on your experience or research, can you explain to us why it is so important to forge a strong connection with our children?

When I was a young(er) mom–I became fascinated by my daughter’s brain and development. A Lot of the books and studies that I read said that her “higher-level abilities — like motivation, self-regulation, problem solving, communication and self-esteem — are formed in (her) early years. Or not formed. It’s a young child’s daily experiences — the amount and quality of care, stimulation and interaction they receive in their first days, weeks, months and years — that determines which brain connections develop and will last for a lifetime. (Source: First Things First)

And what I came away with was that I had 5 true years to influence my daughter. To teach her right from wrong. To instill the values that I wanted her to remember and lean on for the rest of her life. And I remembered how much my mother gave to me. Even though we had limited resources, we had each other. And it crafted who I am.

As I studied, I realized that socially, children who receive care and attention from the beginning build more brain connectivity — and importantly, studies have shown that they will go on to be healthier and more successful in life.

However, as my own family entered the care system, I realized that traditional systems were not necessarily set up like this. I made it my mission to overcome this so that parents could build and maintain a strong connection with their children in their most formative years. We all deserve the right to be present parents without sacrificing our own endeavors.

What happens when children do not have that connection, or only have a weak connection?

This is so sad to think about. While positive connectivity builds brain development, the opposite is true of children without a nurturing environment or who experience trauma. This also has lifelong implications.

Children (and people generally) come up with a self-narrative that fits the world that they experience around them. So, for kids with parents that are disengaged, they start to believe that they are less important than the other things that mom and dad have going on in their lives. This can manifest in (negative) attention seeking behavior or lack of a trusting relationship with the parents.

Do you think children in this generation are less likely to feel loved and connected? Why do you feel the way you do?

I think that a child’s likelihood to feel loved and connected comes down to the individual family, not necessarily the generation.

Previous generations have had their own share of issues and worries–large family dynamics, latchkey kids, etc. Today, parents are pulled in an overwhelming number of different directions. Every family does things a little bit differently, but I see many, many who felt the ramifications of how they were brought up and are now choosing to focus on work / life balance or prioritizing family.

We live in a world with incessant demands for our time and attention. There is so much distraction and disconnection. Can you share with our readers 5 steps that parents can take to help their children feel loved and connected? Please include examples or stories for each, if you can.

1. Be Present — Put the phone down in the evening during family time, plan a 1:1 activity for the weekend or dedicate 10 minutes a day to focused play with no distractions. You probably can’t focus on your child 100% of the time but make the most impact with the time that you have together.
2. Incorporate your child into daily activities — Your child likes being with you. If you love to cook, teach them to cook. Do toddler yoga together. Bring them to the grocery store and narrate what you see. It might be faster / easier to accomplish tasks alone, but all activities have potential for brain building and connections — and more importantly — core memory building possibilities.
3. Maintain a schedule — Young children can’t anticipate what’s coming next on their own, but they thrive with a set routine. Do your best to maintain a daily routine — for both parent and child. I have a friend whose 3-year-old son would ask about “the schedule” for the next day every night at bedtime. He knew it by heart, “Wake up, watch a video, eat breakfast, go to preschool…etc.” Knowing what was coming next is grounding for everyone and cuts down the feeling of chaos.
4. RSVP No — You don’t have to participate in everything. It’s ok to occasionally turn down a playdate invite, just do one extracurricular activity at time, or guard Friday as family movie night. FOMO is real, but exhaustion can also negatively affect relationships.
5. Take a break — It’s healthy for everyone to have a little time apart — and it makes your time together more special. So, book that babysitter, send the kids to grandma for the night, or sign-up them up for that day camp.

How do you define a “good parent”? Can you give an example or story?

I don’t think there is one definition of a “good parent”. Just as every child is different and has unique needs, so does every parent. We need to stop comparing ourselves and focus on our own abilities.

I think lately, we are so focused on all of these external forces influencing our children, that we have forgotten our own power to influence them. You are not here just to keep them alive. You are here to teach them! To show them the wonderful, beautiful things around them. To help them process something hard when they are struggling. To give them the tools they need to cope and succeed in the broader world around them. There is no one that knows their children better than their mom or dad. No one can replace you in their world.

When they cry in the middle of the night at birth because they are confused — you are the only smell that makes them feel safe. When they test their boundaries at 1 and look to see if you are watching–it is not to be mischievous–but rather because they know, even at this age, that you would never allow them to do anything that would hurt them. When the tantrums get big and overwhelming when they are 2 it is because they are processing and practicing how to be patient and kind, with you–their most trusted person. When their favorite word is “NO” at age 3 but they cry when you leave– it is because you have pushed them to test their independence and they are nervous! Fear is a powerful feeling, and you are teaching them a little at a time how to challenge that fear while reminding them that you will always be there. And when they finally turn 4 and are practicing learning hard things and managing disappointment and frustration for the first time — they are looking for you to be there with them through it. To teach them not to give up. These are their most important lessons.

How do you inspire your child to “dream big”? Can you give an example or story?

My Vivie is still pretty young but I hope that I teach her to dream big through example. Whether it’s by taking her with me to work and allowing her to see me in action leading at Le Village, by traveling (trekking up a mountain in Hawaii or spelunking in Puerto Rico), or simply by challenging her in her daily life with “big-kid” activities — I’ve tried to show her that she can do whatever she’s truly passionate about and works hard for. It’s not just about dreaming. I tell her daily “you can do hard things.” And she can.

How would you define “success” when it comes to raising children?

I firmly believe that present parents matter and the time you can spend with your child is so important. They may not remember these exact moments, but they will remember that you held them when they cried. That they were allowed to feel their feelings without being in trouble. That it was not kind to take the toy from their friend and you told them so. That you dressed up as a butterfly and made them laugh. That you read a story with them every day. You will never regret this time. What’s the saying? — “I’ll never look back and say, gosh, I wish I had spent less time with my kid.”

This is a huge topic in itself, but it would be worthwhile to touch upon it here. What are some ideal social media and digital habits that you think parents should teach to their children?

This generation sees their parents on their phone or tablet from the very beginning. Often, mom is scrolling social media while breastfeeding. Or photos are being taken and shared from birth. I am often on my phone — be it for work or relaxation. It would be hypocritical of me to pretend that social or digital media isn’t a big part of my life, but I do try to moderate how it shows up for my daughter. I think these are a few core rules to live by when it comes to media:

• Work to be fully present when you are with your child. That means focus your attention on the child and put down the phone. You don’t want them to think that whatever is happening on that little device is much more interesting and important than them. When I am having connection periods with my daughter (like doing something one on one or during mealtimes) I have a strict no phone policy. If I don’t want her begging for her tablet during a family period — then I shouldn’t get to use my phone.
• Work to be aware of everything your child is watching or playing online. Everyone needs a break and watching everything alongside them is really hard, but I try to pay attention to an episode of everything that is getting consumed. I’ve curated lists of shows and content that is pre-approved for my daughter. I give her control of what she can pick — but she can only pick from that list. I also know how long each show is. If I only want her to consume 30 minutes of television, then those are the only shows she gets as an option. It removes the power struggle.
• I love movie nights with my daughter– media is fun! Make it a connection point. Talk about what is happening! I love to use TV as a tool to teach and chat about social emotional circumstances. I will pause the movie and ask what she thinks is happening. We will talk about why it was hurtful or why it made someone so happy etc. I ask her what she thinks is happening and I’m with her to process how she feels about it. Kids can learn a lot from watching television alongside a parent who loves them.

At the end of the day it’s about showing your children that you are responsible with social or digital media and they should be too.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a better parent? Can you explain why you like them?

• Le Village CONNECTED — We have real talk for our members who are parents, especially working moms. You can join digitally no matter where you are in the country. (https://www.levillagecowork.com/community)
• The Whole Brain Child — This book explains the research behind how a child’s brain develops in terms that non-scientific parents can understand. It offers funny antidotes and practical advice. (https://drdansiegel.com/book/the-whole-brain-child/)
• Big Little Feelings — I like their aim to use neuroscience to understand what’s going on in our toddler’s brain and how to parent respectfully. It’s also not polished like a photo shoot every day and I think that’s important for embracing this life stage. (https://biglittlefeelings.com/)
• Wonder Weeks App — Gives parents insights to baby’s first developmental milestones, call leaps. This is especially important for first time parents who are learning how to take care of and interact with their baby. (https://www.thewonderweeks.com/baby/apps/the-wonder-weeks-app/)
• Jess Feldt Coaching — Jess Feldt is a Certified Life and Leadership Coach who helps career-focused working parents create their own versions of success. (https://www.jessfeldtcoaching.com/)

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

Quote: “The pause is as important as the note.”

I have pushed very hard to open Le Village and grow the business. I am immensely proud of everything that I have accomplished professionally AND being a present mother to my daughter, but it can also be exhausting. I try to remind myself that it’s ok to take a beat.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

Le Village Cowork is on a mission to put working parents, especially women, back to work. Through the childcare + coworking model, we are directly addressing the systemic challenges faced by working mothers — lack of flexibility and lack of affordable childcare. Our dream is to have a Le Village in every neighborhood across the country so no family has to choose between leaving the workforce or quality childcare.

To put this in perspective, according to the Bureau of Labor and Statistics, more than 2 million women left the workforce in 2020. In a separate study 64% of working mothers cited lack of schedule flexibility as the biggest challenge that they faced while 55% reported a lack of affordable childcare options.

Our coworking space offers full time on-site childcare, for less than the cost of daycare. Our flexible approach to the workweek allows working moms to make the big meeting while not missing the big milestones in their children’s lives. 80% of our members are working mothers.

Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!