David Robeck of Bridge Counseling Associates: “5 Ways To Develop Serenity During Anxious Times”

…First, be calm. To help someone become calm, be calm yourself. People respond to you, your behavior and your body language. When they see that you’re not upset about their crisis or perceived problem, they can then respond more calmly.

As a part of my series about the the things we can do to develop serenity and support each other during anxious times, I had the pleasure of interviewing David Robeck.

David Robeck is the President / CEO of Bridge Counseling Associates in Las Vegas, Nevada, one of the nation’s first Certified Community Behavioral Health Clinics (CCBHC). He is a lifelong resident of Southern Nevada, excluding four years when he served as a Peace Corps Volunteer and development banker in post-Soviet Russia. He is passionate about providing exceptional behavioral health treatment to families and children. Robeck has been a single father for 20 years having adopted and raised four special needs sons. He is the author of “Will Work For… The Untold Stories of Homelessness,” a nonfiction book about poverty and homelessness.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?

Growing up as a preacher’s kid in a southern Nevada mission church, I worked at my parent’s direction to uplift parishioners with music and generally help children impacted by family trauma and poverty. I chose banking as my career, which — at that time — was ethical, respected and allowed me to dress up daily. Later, and midway through that career, I volunteered to serve in the inaugural mission of U.S. Peace Corps in Russia (1992–1994), consulting for banks, local and state governments, and establishing and mentoring nonprofit organizations — a great opportunity to create and lead in a rapidly-changing environment.

I returned to the states and continued in banking for 25 years before being injured in an auto accident that prevented my return to a high-pressure job. By then, I had served on the boards of many nonprofit agencies. That community work replaced the traditional golf outings used by most bankers — I personally never enjoyed golf or the heat of Las Vegas anyway. I enjoyed nonprofit work and was good at it, writing grants, managing budgets, etc. With this experience, it was a simple career change to nonprofit management beginning with a small, faith-based agency and finally moving up to Bridge Counseling, where I’ve led its growth into becoming the largest and most respected behavioral health agency in Nevada.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

Through my work in Peace Corps Russia, I saw how difficult life was for many children. There were no foster care programs, only small orphanages. Children stay with their family unit until a chronic problem becomes a police matter. There were outdoor dining areas on walking streets where people would gather to eat, drink and socialize after work. I noticed a little boy about nine years old who grabbed some food off a nearby table and ran away. I learned he spent his days with older boys sniffing glue from a plastic bag and could only return home later at night when all the men who visited his mother were gone. She had a bleak future and was providing no hope for her child’s as well. If he were lucky, he would be separated and sent to an orphanage where he would receive some care until he was 16. I couldn’t save that boy, but I returned to adopt four boys from Russian orphanages and have successfully raised them the past 22 years.

When I became the new CEO of Bridge Counseling, I realized this older agency had become complacent in providing substance abuse treatment to mandated court clients and relying almost exclusively on three government fund sources of revenue. I understood finance, including insurance companies, as well as the management of businesses, for-profit or not, so I knew change was necessary to make the agency sustainable. I refocused Bridge to primarily treat mental health and sought out other funding streams. Without discussing the details with the board, I also applied to become a Certified Community Behavioral Health Clinic (CCBHC). At that time, Bridge had little to offer as a candidate to become a multidisciplinary agency with a full range of wraparound services beyond a long run and a history of state funding, but with a passionate and inclusive presentation, we were accepted by the state to participate.

After one year, we saw an increase in staff, learned new evidence-based practices and became the first urban CCBHC in Nevada, one of only eight states chosen for a two-year demonstration program.

What advice would you suggest to your colleagues in your industry to thrive and avoid burnout?

First, be sure you’re in the right industry and that you enjoy your work. Many peers have been leaders in agencies, yet they appear exhausted. Nothing inspires them anymore, nor do they show passion in their work. I love my job, which is a great start for anyone. When I’m getting tired or burnt out, I change the work. I find a new problem that hasn’t yet been identified or has been ignored too long, then I solve it. I rethink all solutions to the problem, consider various alternatives and then I pounce. Refocusing my mind on a different, more interesting (at the moment) problem restores me and empowers my passion for success to take over. Along the way, I return to the original work only to move it forward, bit by bit. When I am finished, I have reenergized myself and solved at least one additional problem.

There is nothing wrong, either, with getting in the car and driving to a park, lake or even a large parking lot. As I look out the window with no sounds or interruptions, my mind races as I observe new things or old things through a fresh lens with no interruptions. When I am finished, I am ready to begin my work once again. I usually look down to see that I have also devoured a fast food meal I didn’t even taste.

What advice would you give to other leaders about how to create a fantastic work culture?

I love people. Everyone has a different story, a different personality and a different family or ethnic culture, and everyone has problems that they usually take too seriously. I like to have fun and I do not mind being a goofball in front of my staff. I sincerely compliment when I can and respond well to body language, so I crack wise or offer a gentle ear. I support their needs and desires over mine. If they want a different chair, I find a replacement immediately. If they have a personal problem, I listen and kick them out of the office to go manage it on our dime. A few hours of paid time off won’t hurt the agency, but the employee will remember the kindness. If I need to, I tell a story with a moral or a new perspective to encourage them to rethink and not dwell on their problem. I tease everyone at the level they can manage and allow anyone to tease, embarrass or scare me in return. Because a nonprofit agency is often limited in funding, I diversify revenue streams and assure staff that they have jobs and the agency is sound. I insist on them striving to be the best, but I give them the tools of training and support to achieve that goal. I take care of them with excellent benefits including really good medical insurance, paid holidays, vacations and their birthdays off. I recently found a program that offers academic loan repayment, so I got the agency accredited for staff to qualify. I move furniture, unclog a toilet or disinfect after a sick client, but I also insist on respectful and professional treatment of all clients and coworkers. When there’s an emergency, I put myself in front of staff and address it. If there’s a shortage of supplies, I get in my car and find more. I interview every staff member from a practicum student to a well-trained and experienced behavioral health clinician. I sign off on everyone and I will personally discipline or terminate anyone as required. My job is to make the office more pleasant and to make employees successful in their work. I praise them in public and discipline in private. All employees are treated as if they are my well-loved children. They’re that important to me and they know it.

Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

The most important book to me is the Bible. I read a little each day, but I don’t necessarily study it and I certainly don’t preach at people or judge them because of it. There are so many truths and quality suggestions in the Bible that even a nonbeliever will accept or learn from. I learn something new every day.

There is a story about a well-respected and great prophet named Elijah (1 Kings 19). Despite having led a very successful and faith-filled life, he became afraid. He left everything and ran away, isolated in despair. This part of his life reminds me of homeless people today and how we should treat them. Initially, Elijah ran and hid because he was frightened and wanted to die to flee from a foe. He had no provisions and curled up in the desert without food or drink — effectively, a suicide attempt. Homeless people are often frightened and feel so useless that they don’t believe they are worthy of anything but death. Those who abuse drugs and alcohol are, in my opinion, often looking for escape even to the point of death. Elijah fell into a deep sleep because he was exhausted. When he woke up, an angel gave him food and water, which he devoured, then fell asleep again. Just like homeless people today, Elijah needed food and rest before he could even think. After he was given food and rest, only then was he encouraged and held accountable. With this support and redirection, he was able to journey on and carry out the latest mission God had for him. Very much like Elijah, our homeless population need food, rest and restoration but they also need encouragement and to be held accountable to be successful. Elijah’s whole life was changed because of this. Had he been allowed to simply eat and rest with no accountability, Elijah would never have succeeded in his work or in his life.

Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. Many people have become anxious just from the dramatic jolts of the news cycle. The fears related to the coronavirus pandemic have only heightened a sense of uncertainty, fear, and loneliness. From your experience or research what are five steps that each of us can take to develop serenity during such uncertain times? Can you please share a story or example for each.

My mind is always going, planning ahead, identifying challenges and solving problems before they are even known. Hence, I must take steps to achieve some level of serenity. Everyone must select what works for them, but I’m pleased to share my own.

First, I remove myself from the location where I feel the most stress. I got to a location of serenity, which may only be a park or even the inside of my car. I do like the water, so a pond, lake, river, ocean or even swimming pool is therapeutic for me. I don’t touch the water but only use it as a backdrop to my sightline.

Second, I take my mind off the issue for a while. I watch people or look at pictures of my children. If I have calmed myself enough, I might read something to draw myself away — fiction for this purpose.

Third, I exercise. No weights or sweating for me, thank you, but I do like to walk. I walk two or three miles and as I burn calories and improve circulation, I notice things around me, like things about my body or the temperature and breeze outside. I enjoy nature, so I draw my mind to trees or birds, ducks, dogs or landscapes. By the end of the walk I have tired a bit and my mind is usually clear.

Fourth, I mentally process the issues at hand. I organize them in thoughts and might even write them down. I look at them as if they do not impact my life but instead as if I am helping a friend. I acknowledge my emotion and remove it from the crisis then I determine what I can do, who I can help and when I will begin. When I have the facts clearly in my mind and can understand my part of the solution I can implement, I am much calmer.

Fifth, I reward myself. The process was a struggle and I have or know I will be able to help myself and others. This deserves ice cream or chocolate candy, don’t you think?

From your experience or research what are five steps that each of us can take to effectively offer support to those around us who are feeling anxious? Can you explain?

First, be calm. To help someone become calm, be calm yourself. People respond to you, your behavior and your body language. When they see that you’re not upset about their crisis or perceived problem, they can then respond more calmly.

Second, listen. When you have their attention, give them your attention. Make eye contact, then listen without comment or reaction and only later acknowledge what they say without judgment, comparison or your own story — this isn’t about you.

Third, speak softly. Speak to them slowly, quietly and gently. Restate their uttered concerns and confirm that you have listened and understand them. Don’t get excited with them as a raised or punctuated voice simply adds to the anxiety no matter how alarmed you may be on the inside.

Fourth, focus. Ask them to quietly focus on the single problem causing them anxiety and not to think about the “extras” that enhance the problem. If they start down an unrelated trail, raise your hand and ask if that’s an extra, then get them to refocus on the core issue. It may take a few minutes to get them to hone the chaos down to simply one or two prominent issues. Restate what you have heard and have them agree on what the core issue is. If there is immediate danger or prospect of harm you may need to intervene or call someone to intervene while you calm the situation.

Fifth, plan. You’ve calmed the situation and the person or persons in front of you. You’ve learned the core issue and are aware of peripheral issues. Restate the problem and ask for their solution to it. Help direct their thought process to an achievable solution, offer another perspective and evaluate other options. When there is an identifiable and achievable solution, one can lower anxiety. There is a clear problem, a clear plan and a clear outcome.

What are the best resources you would suggest to a person who is feeling anxious?

I lead a secular agency with some federal funding, so I am prohibited from proselytizing which I seldom do anyway. When asked how I stay calm, I don’t hesitate to share the success or comfort my faith has brought me. I believe strongly that people who believe in some greater power have less anxiety in general.

Other things are also important for one to consider, the first being rest. Get some sleep. Reduce computer or television activity before bed. Bring the house to a comfortable sleeping temperature. Make sure your bedding is clean, your bed is comfortable and if needed, drink a glass of warm milk.

Watch your diet. Alcohol, caffeine and sugar can increase anxiety while overeating and undereating can impact stress.

Get some exercise. Walking is best for me.

Get your mind off the problem. I can usually do this by myself but there are one or two people I trust to discuss these things. Find a trusted relative, friend, or sometimes even a coworker, although that can become problematic. Don’t share just to get it off your chest, with too many people or to get sympathy — those aren’t beneficial. Instead, share to develop a plan to restore your mind. Obviously, since I manage a behavioral health agency, I recommend the engagement of a mental health therapist. Some worry about this as setting them up to be called crazy or mentally ill. I look at this more like a massage for the brain. We wouldn’t hesitate to get a massage, an adjustment or physical therapy for our body — we even get our teeth cleaned. Why wouldn’t we have a therapist ready to help us process the issues that are maximizing our anxiety?

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life?

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13, (NKJV)

Any new challenge I have taken on, I have done so with this Bible verse in my mind. When I began my career in banking, I didn’t feel confident or prepared, but I was very successful as I found that I was academically prepared beyond the requirements of the initial job and subsequently became a banking teacher and mentor.

When I decided to adopt children from Russia as a single, American man, the odds were against me, but my ability to speak Russian, my experience living in Russia and my life’s work helping children changed the minds of most of the Russian bureaucrats who made the decisions. I adopted two children at two different times and am the proud father of four sons.

When the 1 October, Route 91 Harvest Festival shooting occurred in Las Vegas, I had the confidence and conceptual preparation to lead our mental health team from the first day to provide free services for shooting victims, their families, workers who cleaned up the site and even overwhelmed therapists from other agencies who were unprepared for the tragedy. There is no practice for such a crisis.

You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I would totally revamp the way we treat homeless people and those living in poverty. The strategy of the U.S. government and most nonprofit agencies is something called “Housing First,” as if housing is the most important aspect to a person’s life. Food and shelter are vital, of course, but a private residence is not and by focusing our work there, we ignore the prevailing, underlying factors that cause homelessness assure poverty.

Some 70 percent of all homeless people and many in poverty suffer from substance use disorder and addiction as well as unmet mental health issues. Somehow, though, we expect these people to navigate a broken system and solve those problems themselves. The result is not good. We insist the homeless do this because we don’t want to impose on their personal liberty. But look what has happened over the recent months. As our governments fight COVID-19, they have modified the rights of people to assemble, purchase firearms or attend church to protect us from a medical virus. Why wouldn’t we consider temporarily modifying individual liberties to treat mental health and chronic substance abuse issues through legal guardianships or conservatorships? We currently restrict liberties but are limited to incarceration or a 72-hour, involuntary hold at a hospital.

Instead, we give them housing so they’re out of sight and out of mind. This just hides the problem and does not help the person. In fact, I believe it exacerbates suicide and increases overdoses.

Ironically, when we help people in foreign countries, we don’t follow this model. Why not? What do we do to help people in other countries? Yes, we worry about their water quality and supplies as well as their medical health. These are important in third world countries and in America, too. But then, instead of considering their housing, we consider their income. There are now dozens of international and even U.S. agencies that focus on income assistance for people living in other countries, providing individual loans as low as $100. This makes sense for many reasons. First, it offers the people a chance to improve their lives by themselves but more importantly, it allows them to keep their dignity and use their minds.

I have a great deal more to say on the topic of homelessness and poverty and am educated, experienced and involved in this work today, but until we can shift the focus from Housing First, our socioeconomically challenged citizens are nearly doomed to their current status.

Yes, I would begin a movement to bring change to those in our society who need help to survive but also need help to flourish.

What is the best way our readers can follow you online?

BridgeCounseling.org

Thank you for these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!