Discovering Your Life’s Purpose: Lauren Farina-Prieto of Invited Psychotherapy and Coaching On How to Align Your Goals with Your True Self

An interview with Dr. Bharat Sangani

Life becomes more cooperative when we are working for the greater good. Studies have also shown that when we connect our work with a service-oriented perspective, we are more likely to feel motivated, engaged and to perform at our peak. No matter the work that you do, I encourage you to find a way to connect it to a service-oriented perspective. For example, if you clean houses for a living, think about how your services are enriching and supporting your clients and their families. If you are an accountant, consider how your work might be helpful to your colleagues, and supportive of your company’s goals. It’s a sure-fire way to establish a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Finding and living in alignment with your true purpose can be a transformative journey. Yet, many struggle with identifying their life’s purpose and aligning their goals with it. In this series, we aim to explore how individuals discover their purpose and create a life that reflects their authentic selves, leading to greater fulfillment and success. As a part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Lauren Farina-Prieto, LCSW.

Lauren Farina-Prieto, LCSW, and founder of Invited Psychotherapy & Coaching, is a psychotherapist, performance coach, and keynote speaker who uses a functional, integrative approach to support her clients’ performance, motivation and wellbeing. Lauren’s work has been featured in publications including Forbes, Business Insider, Success Magazine and MSN, to name a few. With nearly two decades of clinical experience, Lauren founded her practice in 2019 to help high performers embody their highest potential by managing the stress, anxiety, and self doubt that often plagues this population. Having walked the exhausting path of the high performer herself, it is now her joy, passion and purpose to charter the path of self-leadership for others.

Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’ and how you got started?

Sure! My journey thus far has been a true exercise in tuning in to what’s true for me, over and over again, until a path becomes clear. Perhaps because I worked through my own anxiety and self-doubt as a child and adolescent, I was always fascinated by people, their struggles and their stories. I think it’s sort of an evolutionary imperative to turn around and heal others once you, yourself are healed. In many ways, I am also an extrovert, and as far back as I can remember, I’ve felt energized and invigorated by human connection. I used to joke that I trained to become a psychotherapist just so that I could spend more time talking to people, and there’s a lot of truth to that. I am infinitely curious about the human condition, and what drives us.

After graduate school, I landed a clinical role in community mental health. That experience eventually led me to what I consider to be a pivotal opportunity for me to run the Employee Assistance Program for a large academic health system in Chicago. I was struck by the fact that so many of my clients were successful by traditional standards, but struggled with anxiety, depression and burnout. I discovered the paradox of peak performance, that success often comes at the cost of mental health and wellbeing. I became a student of what I now call the “high-performer archetype,” or a cluster of traits that include people-pleasing, perfectionism and codependency. My clients taught me how these traits can really serve them, in that they compel productivity and achievement, but they also make them more vulnerable to burnout, anxiety and depression. I started my practice in service of that population, to illuminate a alternative path to success.

Around that time, I lost both my mother and father-in-law to cancer within the span of one life-changing year. In my efforts to support them through that time, my eyes were opened to just how empowered we as human beings can be to take control of our health and wellbeing. Truly, we have so much agency over our body and mind. I learned that there is no “mind-body connection;” but rather, mind-body oneness. I immersed myself in the study of nervous system regulation, metabolic health and circadian rhythm, and their effects on brain function. I felt an ethical imperative to share this information with my clients while working to optimize brain health. There is an undeniable intersectionality of physical health, mental health and peak performance, and as I would argue, you can’t have one without the other. That intersectionality is a cornerstone of my coaching and clinical practice, and it inspires my continued obsession with the science of human potential. I love people, I honor how brilliant and adaptive the mind-body system is, and I view my work as a celebration of that brilliance.

None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person that you are grateful for, who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?

It might sound cheesy, but that person is my husband. He has supported my every wild dream and bright idea, and I am more of who I’m meant to be because of him. When I told him that I wanted to quit my well-paid, full-time job with benefits to start my own practice with zero business acumen, he did not flinch. He adjusted his own work schedule to accommodate mine, and he never doubted me. He’s always seen me as the person I strive to be, and without the safety of his love I don’t think I would have had the courage to make that decision.

You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

Self-confidence

Our sense of self-confidence informs the degree to which we see possibility in any given situation. I haven’t always embodied this trait. I mentioned that as a young person, I was vulnerable to the self doubt that is endemic among young women especially. As a result, it held me back from seeking a “seat at the table,” so to speak. But with age and experience, I’ve developed a strong recognition of my inherent value and worth, which has inspired me to pursue possibilities that I might have otherwise abandoned, like starting and expanding my practice, and growing our online platform. I can’t always guarantee that I’ll be successful, but at the end of the day, I know that no matter what happens, even if I fail, I’ll be okay, and that’s the best kind of insurance policy.

Willingness to fail

On the note of failure, I’ve learned that a primary predictor of success is our willingness to fail. To quote Alfred Adler, “Problems arise from our efforts to avoid feeling inadequate.” So many of our problem behaviors, like drinking, substance abuse, doom scrolling, overeating or undereating exist to help us to numb, avoid or otherwise distract from feelings of discomfort that arise from failure and inadequacy. When we can uncouple our sense of self-worth from our failures, a world of possibilities opens up for us, and only then can we achieve true self-actualization. It is often our intolerance of the ever-present threat of failure, and our fear of rejection that holds us back from taking the kind of calculated risk that reaps the greatest rewards.

I risked great financial, professional and social failure when I left my place of employment to start my own practice. I had no formal business experience, and I was just kind of fumbling through the process at first. Despite all of this, the clarity I felt that this was my purpose was undeniable, and so I kept stepping, one foot in front of the other, with the ever-present possibility of failure always on my radar. I knew that by choosing to take this kind of leap, I had to be open to failure and humiliation as a possible outcome, but I also knew that if I wasn’t open to those things, I wasn’t open to success, either.

Values-alignment

I’ve had to get really clear on my core values. For me, they include joy, connection, freedom, authenticity, and spirituality. Staying aligned with the things that matter most to me has been protective against the temptation to take on roles and responsibilities that are distinctly out of alignment. For example, a few years before starting my practice, I turned down a lucrative Director role at a Chicago-based university. The position offered security, status and an income boost, but I knew that it would monopolize my time and was therefore misaligned with my values of connection (to myself and to others) and freedom. I now work half as many hours as the position demanded, and I earn more money than it promised. More importantly, I feel more on-purpose than I ever have. I see our personal values system as something like a cheat code. Using it to map the path forward is all but fail proof.

Ok, fantastic. Let’s now turn to the crux of our interview. Was there a defining moment or experience in your life when you felt a clear sense of your purpose? How did it influence the goals you set from that point forward?

For me, there wasn’t so much a singular defining moment as there was a series of nudges and inspiration that culminated into an unshakable knowing that I was born to do this work. It’s hard to give language to those experiences, but I think I would describe the feeling as a full-bodied YES, whether it was connecting with a client on a deep level or inspiring an “aha moment” in someone I supervise or speaking to an audience of engaged listeners. Those experiences of being in flow state and connecting with others in a way that deeply resonates have, over time, given way to an unshakeable trust in myself and in my vision.

I’ll give an example of one such moment. About ten years ago, I was working with a particularly intimidating client. I say she was intimidating only because she was a bit older than I was, and she held a very high-status professional role. After our time together she told me that I had a gift. As good as that compliment felt, that wasn’t so much the defining moment for me. People had said nice things like that before, but I hadn’t been able to receive it before. The defining moment came later, when I reflected on her comment, and I knew she was right. The moment I allowed myself to acknowledge my gifts, I let go of self-doubt and committed to build something that would give me a platform to do the highest level of good. It was that confidence that allowed me to face my fears. I started my practice months later.

What practical steps can someone take to begin uncovering their life’s purpose if they feel lost or unsure about their direction?

Feel it out.

When it comes to discovering one’s life purpose, many people over-intellectualize this process, but finding one’s purpose is not something to “figure out” through a cognitive lens. It’s something we should also feel through. Our feelings are messengers, and it’s our job to help decipher those messages. Think about it this way: our nervous system is always scanning for cues of safety or danger. Those cues are registered to the subconscious (meaning beneath our awareness). In fact, research has shown 99.995% of stimuli are processed on a subconscious level. Our “gut feelings” and intuitive hits are our system’s composite response to environmental cues registered to the subconscious, but we often ignore them because they don’t always make sense to our conscious mind.

Can you imagine what might happen to an animal in the wild if it ignored its instincts? It wouldn’t survive! Ignoring our instincts is akin to ignoring our body’s internal compass, and innate survival mechanism. So, to find your purpose, pay attention to what feels true for you from one moment to the next. Tune in to what sparks joy, awe, inspiration or excitement. Ask yourself, “when was the last time I felt curious, energized, or connected?” Those moments make up the breadcrumb trail that point to your purpose.

On an even more practical level, I also do a lot of coaching work around values alignment. It’s important to identify 3–5 core values, whether they be relationships, health, creativity, spirituality, or service to others. Those are just some examples. Then, let those values guide your purpose. Be very scrutinous about taking on any tasks, roles or responsibilities that do not align with those values.

How do you differentiate between external pressures — like societal expectations — and the inner calling that aligns with your true self?

I see this struggle a lot among people-pleasers and perfectionists especially. The phrase, “I don’t want people to think…” is the reason why many folks give up on their dreams. But the research is clear: Goals that are intrinsically motivated, meaning that they are in alignment with our core values, are much more likely to be fulfilled than ones inspired by other people’s expectations.

To sense the difference between intrinsically and extrinsically motivated pressures, I pay close attention to what we call the “felt sense,” or the feeling in the mind and body that illuminates the path forward. The influence of external pressure feels like tension, contraction, anxiety, or just an overall, “pit in the stomach” sense of dread. It often coincides with the knowing that the expectation in question is not in alignment with the values I described to you earlier. That feeling is a red light, or at the very least, a yellow light for me.

On the other hand, an inner calling that aligns with my true self feels expansive, uplifting and exciting. It often reflects my personal values as well. Those represent a green light for me. If it’s still hard to discern between external pressures and authentic ones, an important question to ask is, “what would I do if I weren’t afraid?” Answering this question can really help to elucidate which motives are external and fear-based, and which are values-aligned and intrinsic.

Can you share an example of a time when you adjusted or abandoned a goal because it no longer aligned with your deeper sense of purpose? What did you learn from that experience?

There was a time when I thought that it might be more profitable to transition from a boutique specialty practice to a larger, generalist group practice. The hyperfocus on growth and profit pulled me way off my center. For the first time in my life, work felt like work, and what had previously felt like effortless growth in my career suddenly felt like I was grasping and forcing outcomes that weren’t meant to be. I no longer felt inspired or invigorated by my work because I was trying to please everyone else but myself, and I knew I had to pivot. Letting go of that goal meant a temporary loss of income, and a slight blow to my ego, but it also realigned and reenergized my efforts, which is how I know that it was the right move.

What advice would you give to people trying to pursue their purpose while managing the demands of day-to-day life, such as work, family, and other responsibilities?

In my opinion, it’s not so much time, but intentionality, that most of us lack. We all have 10–20 minutes a day to dedicate to our own growth and evolution. Carving out time in pursuit of your purpose is vital for our progress.

Along those lines, it’s also important to create an “Energy Budget.” Here’s how:

1. Make a list of all the demands on your energy. We call those outputs, and they include things that deplete us of our energy. Be thorough. Examples of outputs may include grocery shopping, meal prepping, cleaning, driving the kids to their activities, caring for an elderly family member, various work tasks, paying bills, etc.
2. Next, make a list of all the ways that you take care of yourself. We call these inputs, and they include things that restore our energy reserves. They may include exercise, time with loved ones, eating a nutritious diet, getting quality sleep, practicing a hobby, etc.
3. Finally, compare the lists and assess for any imbalances. Does your list of outputs outweigh your list of inputs? If so, what can you add or subtract to help correct those imbalances?
4. Brainstorm small actionable goals to balance your energy. Examples include asking a friend to carpool the kids, stepping down from a volunteer position, or setting boundaries with a needy friend or family member. Be thoughtful and creative, as this exercise can foster clarity and intention in how you spend your time and energy.

Beyond that, trust in the process, and in yourself. Focus on the journey towards discovering and pursuing your purpose versus the destination. One of my favorite spiritual authors and teachers is Eckhart Tolle, and he teaches that our primary purpose is aligning with each present moment as it comes; whatever we “do” in this life is our secondary purpose, and it arises from mindful attention to the present. So, whether you are carting the kids around or working at your day job, those seemingly mundane moments are opportunities to be mindful and attentive to the present. The person who we become in the journey towards goal achievement of any kind is often more valuable than the goal itself.

What are “5 Ways to Align Your Goals With Your True Self”?

1. Align with your values.

As I stated earlier, it’s so important to have clarity on your core values, because they are what drive motivation, authenticity and fulfillment. Take some time to review this list, and narrow your core values down to five or fewer. Then, take inventory of how you spend your time and energy. Does it mostly reflect the values that you listed? If not, what can you adjust or modify to be in closer alignment with them?

2. Practice gratitude.

The truth is that what we focus on expands. This is not my opinion; this is neuroscience. The salience network of the brain compels us to pursue what is known, familiar, and therefore, safe. It’s a survival mechanism and while it does help us to survive, it does not help us to thrive. As a result of this tendency, we tend to seek out situations and experiences that align with our existing beliefs about ourselves and the world. This phenomenon is also known as confirmation bias, and it keeps us squarely within our comfort zone. If we believe that it’s too risky to pursue our goals, because we are incompetent or unlucky, we will subconsciously seek out more experiences that confirm this belief to be true. By keeping a gratitude journal about the things that go well for us, we can create a new narrative that supports confidence, authenticity and positivity, thereby filtering more such experiences into our perspective.

3. Regulate your nervous system.

As I stated earlier, our nervous system is always scanning for cues of safety or danger. When it detects any threat, be it mental or physical, real or imagined, it activates a stress response. When we are chronically stressed, our nervous system becomes dysregulated, making it difficult for us to relax. In a chronically stressed state, our ability to be creative, to think critically, to recall information and to make sound decisions is impaired. By regulating our nervous system, through practices like meditation, breathwork, yoga, journaling, and maintaining regular sleep/wake cycles, we bolster our creativity, clarity and the ability to make authentic, values-aligned choices in service of our purpose.

4. Tune in to what sparks joy, interest and curiosity.

Feelings are messengers and they can point to the deeper truth about us, including our values and our purpose. Experiences that evoke joy, interest and curiosity reveal our truest, most authentic desires, beyond what we’ve been conditioned to believe we “should” be doing or are expected by others to do. I recommend keeping a journal of such experiences and using them as inspiration to integrate more of them in your daily life. For example, if listening to a podcast on gardening sparked interest and curiosity, you might choose to join a local gardening club or start a garden of your own. Paying attention to what is true for you will make up the roadmap that will lead you to your purpose.

5. Assume a service-oriented perspective.

Life becomes more cooperative when we are working for the greater good. Studies have also shown that when we connect our work with a service-oriented perspective, we are more likely to feel motivated, engaged and to perform at our peak. No matter the work that you do, I encourage you to find a way to connect it to a service-oriented perspective. For example, if you clean houses for a living, think about how your services are enriching and supporting your clients and their families. If you are an accountant, consider how your work might be helpful to your colleagues, and supportive of your company’s goals. It’s a sure-fire way to establish a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Check out this video for more on my recommended strategies for fulfilling your life’s purpose!

How can our readers further follow your work?

Educating and empowering others is our favorite! Check us out at www.invitedoakpark.com, or find us on LinkedIn and on Instagram @invited.llc.

Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health! Thank you! It’s been a privilege.

About The Interviewer: Dr. Bharat Sangani is a cardiologist and entrepreneur with over 35 years of experience, practicing in Gulfport, Mississippi, and Dallas, Texas. Board-certified in Internal Medicine and Cardiology, he specializes in diagnosing, treating, and preventing cardiovascular diseases, including heart disease and hypertension. In 1999, Dr. Sangani founded Encore Enterprises, a national real estate investment firm. Under his leadership, the company has executed transactions exceeding $2 billion, with a portfolio spanning residential, retail, hotel, and office developments. Known for his emphasis on integrity and fairness, Dr. Sangani has built Encore into a major player in the commercial real estate sector. Blending his medical and business expertise, Dr. Sangani created the Life is a Business mentorship program. The initiative offers guidance on achieving balance in health, wealth, and relationships, helping participants align personal and professional goals. Now based in Dallas, Texas, Dr. Sangani continues to practice cardiology while leading Encore Enterprises and mentoring others. His career reflects a unique blend of medical expertise, entrepreneurial spirit, and dedication to helping others thrive.