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Dr. Donna Novak of Simi Psychological Group: Emotional Intelligence; What It Is, Why It Is So Essential, And How We Can Increase It

Ask yourself questions on a regular basis. Insight is key in your enhancement of emotional intelligence. It is what gives you the ability to look within yourself and evaluate your own feelings on a regular basis. There are many different types of questions to ask yourself. You want the questions you choose to ask yourself to be the ones that have the possibility to lead to increased passion and confidence. For example, you can ask yourself either “Why am I overweight?” or “How can I lose weight and love the process?” The first question can lead to an answer of, maybe you are eating unhealthily and don’t have the best rituals. Ultimately, though, where does this question get you in terms of passion and confidence? The latter, on the other hand, straightforwardly asks you not only how to lose weight but how to actually enjoy the process. This will get you thinking in an entirely different way.

  1. Pause and evaluate moments of conflict before and after you respond. As a continuation of the first point, in terms of the development of insight to help build emotional intelligence, make sure to evaluate yourself during moments of potential conflict or upset. How am I feeling? How is the other person feeling? They are saying something frustrating and upsetting to me, but what is really happening here? How can I take responsibility for things on my end? And very importantly, how do I want to handle this situation? Connecting to your internal self and building this awareness will help you lead with your best self forward. You will be much more likely to release unneeded feelings and allow yourself to develop empathy both for yourself and others.
  2. Have a daily practice of gratitude. What are three things that happened yesterday that you are most grateful for? Challenging yourself to think of specific moments of time and writing them down encourages your brain to look for what is going well. Maybe your son came home with an A on his test and had the biggest smile on his face. Possibly you had a great time during date night with your partner. There is something very unique that happens when you start to write down these grateful moments. You then start to look for moments of gratitude in your life. Gratitude gives you the ability to shower down frustrations and feelings of being overwhelmed to see the grace in moments. As a result, you are much more likely to have the mental space to find beauty in the hard moments and strengthen your relationships.
  3. Evaluate the values you want to live by in your life. There is something so powerful in evaluating your own values and really looking at how you are living your life according to these values. One of my strongest values is to continue to strive toward being the mom I want to be. I have this value ingrained in my mind, and I am able to keep it at the forefront during many moments of difficulty that arise with my kids. Having this value in my mind and asking myself whether I am living up to this, helps me continue to work toward this mission every day of my life.
  4. Create a vision for where you want to be in your relationships. One of the most powerful things you can do is to create a vision for where you want to be in each area of your life: in your business, relationships, spiritually, financially, etc. I want to encourage you to take the time to create a vision for where you want to be in your relationships. Most of us inherently value connection. We want to feel love and to provide love to those we care about. When you are very specific about what this will look like in your life, you are able to have a guiding post of where you want to be. If you are in an intimate relationship, that is an excellent place to start. What do your conversations look like? What does your sex life look like? How do you say hello and goodbye to one another? In what ways are you one another’s best friend? Answering these questions and working toward this vision in your relationship will help you increase awareness and connection. Emotional intelligence is wrapped in that and will be able to be strengthened as a result.

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Parveen Panwar, Mr. Activated

Entrepreneur, angel investor and syndicated columnist, as well as a yoga, holistic health, breathwork and meditation enthusiast. Unlock the deepest powers