Elyse Schunkewitz On How to Go Beyond Your Comfort Zone to Grow Both Personally and Professionally

An Interview With Maria Angelova

Don’t forget how far you’ve come. You didn’t get to where you are today by doing nothing. You’ve left your comfort zone many times whether you wanted to or not, whether you realized it or not. Celebrate those wins. Boost up your confidence. You are way stronger than you know.

It feels most comfortable to stick with what we are familiar with. But anyone who has achieved great success will tell you that true growth comes from pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. What are some ways that influential people have pushed themselves out of their comfort zone to grow both personally and professionally? As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Elyse Schunkewitz.

Elyse Schunkewitz, LCSW is a holistic psychotherapist, brain-based coach, personal trainer, and presenter. Elyse spent half a decade working in emergency psychiatry at Bellevue Hospital while simultaneously pursuing a career in fitness coaching, studying movement and functional neuroscience with some of the most cutting-edge educators in the field. Through a full mind-body-brain approach Elyse works with clients to effectively shift mindsets, overcome obstacles, create better habits, increase focus, and improve overall performance.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

I grew up in a home with domestic violence where I was so scared all of the time and never felt safe. Because of that, I spent most of my childhood and teen years retreating and avoiding discomfort. I needed to feel as safe as possible and have as much control in my life as I could because everything else around me felt out of control.

As I entered my 20s, I would play around with pushing myself out of my comfort zone but my tolerance for it was low. I could do it, but moments of pushing myself happened far and few between and they usually required a decent amount of recovery time afterwards.

My late twenties started to change that. I overcame an eating disorder, started lifting heavy weights, was working in the psychiatric emergency room at Bellevue Hospital, and started to attract people into my life who were warriors at pushing outside their comfort zone. I sought out methods and strategies for growth and perseverance. I gained mentors who pushed me, training partners who inspired me, and friends who opened my eyes to new worlds and attitudes. Over time, I cultivated a sense of resilience and grit that allowed me to push through discomfort in a way I hadn’t been able to previously. While I molded this new mindset, I simultaneously became a neuro and bio-hacker, learning how to integrate and optimize my nervous system so I could perform better in life. And today I’ve created a unique holistic therapy and coaching practice where I teach my clients and patients how to do the same.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“Successful people use adversity to grow and thrive.” This is a quote from one of my favorite inspirational coaches, Ben Bergeron.

We all have struggles. And most of my life, I struggled with sometimes debilitating mental health issues. Anxiety, depression, PTSD, OCD, insomnia, and an eating disorder consumed by childhood, teens, and early 20s. I’ve experienced severe burnout at jobs, especially when I worked as a social worker in the psychiatric emergency room at Bellevue Hospital. I saw therapist after therapist, tried med after med, and the reality is that nothing really made a dent until I found functional medicine and neuroscience, got off my meds, and learned how to truly thrive rather than barely survive.

I know I would not be where I am today without those experiences. Without overcoming that adversity, I never would have thrown all my efforts into studying psychology, neurology, functional medicine, and movement to create a therapy and coaching practice where I give people tangible tools and results so they can live their best lives.

Is there a particular book, podcast, or film that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

I listen to so many podcasts that have impacted me tremendously. Back to Ben Bergeron’s work — his podcast Chasing Excellence is gold. I’m an avid listener of Paul Chek, Lewis Howes, Joe Dispenza, Jordan Peterson, Gary Vaynerchuk, and Andy Frisella just to name a few. Books that have recently made a huge impact on me are The Anatomy of Anxiety by my colleague Ellen Vora, MD and Unbound by Kasia Urbaniak.

I’ll shout out to Paul Chek here because his work is brilliant. His book How To Eat, Move, and Be Healthy is all about grounding in the basics. His work is about understanding yourself better, making better choices, improving habits, and increasing self-love and love for each other. When we talk about going out of your comfort zone, it’s about being able to tolerate sitting with uncomfortable emotions, asking yourself difficult questions, and pushing yourself to do and be better. Paul exudes those values and practices and teaches them to all of his students who then go out and teach it to the rest of the world.

Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Let’s start with a basic definition so that all of us are on the same page. What does “getting outside of your comfort zone” mean?

The comfort zone is where we spend almost all our time, I’d say at least 90%. We wake up and we do the same thing every day, eat the same foods, do the same workout, hang with the same people, do the same job. It’s what we are used to. The comfort zone is where it’s easy and predictable. But outside the comfort zone…well, that’s where things get real. That’s where we try something new, look silly, experience discomfort, feel the anxiety/shame/vulnerability/fear or whatever it is that we are feeling and we go and do it anyway.

As a personal trainer, I always use the analogy of weight lifting to talk about going outside one’s comfort zone. If you squat with the same exact weight every workout and it’s a super easy weight for you, there will barely be any muscle or strength growth. But as soon as you are ready to add more weight, make it burn (NOT be painful — there is a difference!), get to the point where you’ve given it your all…well, that’s when the growth happens. Without resistance there is no change. That goes for physical and emotional growth. That’s what being out of the comfort zone is: facing the sensation of resistance and pushing through regardless.

Can you help articulate a few reasons why it is important to get out of your comfort zone?

Simply put, there is no growth if you don’t move out of the comfort zone.

Is it possible to grow without leaving your comfort zone? Can you explain what you mean?

At the end of the day whether you intentionally leave your comfort zone or not, you will hit resistance and be forced to grow. It might be more passive than active but it’s certainly a requirement to get through life. So I’d reframe this as I think it is nearly impossible to never leave your comfort zone in life.

Can you share some anecdotes from your personal experience? Can you share a story about a time when you stepped out of your comfort zone and how it helped you grow? How does it feel to take those first difficult steps?

I think most of the time, I leave my comfort zone unintentionally. I’m faced with a dilemma, a hardship, a situation and it doesn’t feel like I have a choice to stay in the comfort zone. I think this happens to most of us. We are naturally pushed out and then our minds tell us how much tolerance we have for leaving the comfort zone which determines how long we can stay there and how far we push.

But I also make it a practice to intentionally leave my comfort zone. Just this past year, I took a public speaking class and hip hop dance class weekly for months to push myself to do something that makes me feel uneasy. I remember my first dance class. I was in the back corner, so self-conscious, comparing myself to everyone else because I was the worst dancer there. I had no idea what was going on. But 10 weeks in, I stood front and center during the classes. The instructor was hysterical. She’d yell at me, single me out in class, and tell me I was too in my head or be annoyed I couldn’t follow the choreography. But 10 weeks in, I was laughing about her calling me out in front of everyone instead of dying inside. And it ended up becoming really fun even when I sucked at it. It was wild to see so much change in such a short period of time. And throughout the class, I just told myself, “lean into the discomfort Elyse.” The reality is, the discomfort lasts for only a few minutes at most. It’s the anticipation of the discomfort that freaks us out.

Here is the central question of our discussion. What are your “five ways to push past your comfort zone, to grow both personally and professionally”?

1. Visualize who you want to be. As Joe Dispenza says “change your personality to change your personal reality.” We are so used to doing and being the same every day that it takes conscious effort to change and intentionally move out of our comfort zone. The brain runs on pattern recognition (aka prediction). So if we can predict what’s coming next, we feel safe. That’s why we stay in our comfort zone. Outside of the comfort zone = unpredictable. We don’t know what it’s going to look or feel like. So because of that, it’s scary. We’d rather not do it. We need to be intentional about pushing ourselves outside our comfort zone. Imagine how you want to act, think, speak, etc. How do you want to be different? Who do you want to be that you aren’t right now and what do you need to do to get there? I guarantee it involves getting out of your comfort zone.
2. Cultivate grit. Without grit, there’s no ability to handle the obstacles that come your way. Think of grit like sandpaper. It’s rough but it’s not sharp. It’s subtle and still makes an impact. It smooths wood. You need a little grit to tolerate discomfort.
3. Ask yourself, “What’s worse right now: the anticipation of doing this thing or actually doing it?” I guarantee you that most of the time, the anticipation of being out of your comfort zone is scarier than doing the act. Think about asking for a raise. Or asking someone out. I was at a party a few months ago where I was interested in this guy after having a nice conversation with him. He went to go leave the party without asking for my number. I tortured myself for five minutes as to whether I should approach him, debating “do it, don’t do it.” The fear of rejection was pointing to not do it and that would have been the easier route. Staying in the comfort zone. (Women aren’t really socialized to handle this type of rejection well.) But as he was walking out the door, I reminded myself of the pact I made to myself that I wasn’t going to let fear stop me from doing things. I decided that the objective here wasn’t actually to get a date from him; it was to just do the uncomfortable thing and give him my number regardless if he called or not. So despite my nerves, it took all of 10 seconds to go up to him and ask if he’d take my number. And then he asked me out the next day.
4. Learn how to gain control of your nervous system! The reality is that the physical discomfort we feel in the emotions that live in our body are one of the biggest reasons we retreat back to our comfort zone. We can’t handle the knots in our stomach, our throat closing up, our heart racing, our palms sweating. When you learn how to breath properly, how to manage your body, it helps TREMENDOUSLY. I’m not saying that these tools and tactics will completely eliminate physical stress in the body. But they will bring the intensity down enough to make it a little more tolerable to go do that uncomfortable thing. That is one of the biggest things I work on with clients.
5. Don’t forget how far you’ve come. You didn’t get to where you are today by doing nothing. You’ve left your comfort zone many times whether you wanted to or not, whether you realized it or not. Celebrate those wins. Boost up your confidence. You are way stronger than you know.

From your experience or perspective, what are some of the common barriers that keep someone from pushing out of their comfort zone?

Like I mentioned above, I believe the biggest barrier is not being able to tolerate the physical emotions in our body that feel absolutely unbearable when we are faced with leaving our comfort zone. Our body instantly goes into survival mode. It sometimes even thinks it is dying! We need a way to recover the body, to let it know it is in fact safe. Unless you are jumping out of an airplane or about to be shot, you are likely safe. The body just registers being out of the comfort zone as unsafe because of the lack of predictability. But once you can tolerate those uncomfortable emotions, you can do anything!

There is a well-known quote attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt that says, “Do something that scares you every day”. What exactly does this mean to you? Is there inherent value in doing something that pushes you out of your comfort zone, even if it does not relate to personal or professional growth? For example, if one is uncomfortable about walking alone at night should they purposely push themselves to do it often for the sake of going beyond their comfort zone? Can you please explain what you mean?

There’s a difference between doing something uncomfortable that helps you grow and doing something dangerous. When it comes to leaving your comfort zone, dosing is the most important thing. If you had a headache and took half a Tylenol, the headache probably wouldn’t go away that quickly. If you take two Tylenol, it’s likely the headache will be gone in 20 mins. If you take a whole bottle of Tylenol, you may kill yourself. Imagine three concentric circles. The first in the middle is your comfort zone. The second is just outside your comfort zone and the third is way outside your comfort zone. If you go into that last outer circle, you may hurt yourself or endure trauma so dose your efforts appropriately.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?

I’d start a movement where we all do what we love, we don’t take things so seriously, we recognize that we are all have flaws and make mistakes, and we find a way to have compassion for ourselves and others while simultaneously pushing ourselves and others to be our best.

Is there a person in the world whom you would love to have lunch with, and why? Maybe we can tag them and see what happens!

If I could have lunch with any of the people I listed above, I’d be ecstatic. But if I have to choose one person right now, I’ll got with Gary Vee. He’ll probably whip me into shape and push me out of my comfort zone in the way I need right now. We can all benefit from coaches to push us out of our comfort zone, even coaches like myself. (Don’t ever trust a therapist or coach who doesn’t work with their own therapist or coach.)

How can our readers follow you online?

They can find me at my website https://elyseschunkewitzlcsw.com or follow me on Instagram or TikTok! My handle is @neurdy_therapist (neurdy like neurology).

Thank you for these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!

About The Interviewer: Maria Angelova, MBA is a disruptor, author, motivational speaker, body-mind expert, Pilates teacher and founder and CEO of Rebellious Intl. As a disruptor, Maria is on a mission to change the face of the wellness industry by shifting the self-care mindset for consumers and providers alike. As a mind-body coach, Maria’s superpower is alignment which helps clients create a strong body and a calm mind so they can live a life of freedom, happiness and fulfillment. Prior to founding Rebellious Intl, Maria was a Finance Director and a professional with 17+ years of progressive corporate experience in the Telecommunications, Finance, and Insurance industries. Born in Bulgaria, Maria moved to the United States in 1992. She graduated summa cum laude from both Georgia State University (MBA, Finance) and the University of Georgia (BBA, Finance). Maria’s favorite job is being a mom. Maria enjoys learning, coaching, creating authentic connections, working out, Latin dancing, traveling, and spending time with her tribe. To contact Maria, email her at angelova@rebellious-intl.com. To schedule a free consultation, click here.