Embracing Grace: Coach Lisa Murphy on How Women Are Redefining Aging Authentically

An Interview with Shawna Robins

They are focusing on feeling good. Longevity concerns aside, many 40+ women I know are embracing healthier habits not because they should, but because it feels good. I walk every day to boost my mood, for instance, while a friend of mine is drinking less to avoid “hangxiety.” These practices have health benefits, but the focus is on what works for us to lead full, authentic lives.

Aging is often accompanied by societal pressures and stereotypes, but many women are redefining what it means to grow older with authenticity and grace. How can women embrace aging and celebrate this phase of life with confidence? As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview Lisa Murphy, a midlife coach in Toronto, Canada.

Lisa Murphy is a certified coach who empowers midlife women to create more fun and fulfilling lives. From a career pivot and launching @50ForwardClub to getting sober, Lisa understands the benefits of coaching firsthand. Her insights and writing have also been featured in numerous magazines and newspapers.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?

At 50, I decided to step away from my 20-year media career and go freelance. As a working mother of two who was also helping to care for elderly parents, I was feeling tired and restless. It felt like I was on a treadmill of long work hours, family obligations and drinking with friends to “relax.” I began to do coaching for myself with Kickstartology Coaching, and it helped me define new priorities and gather the courage to launch my pro-aging @50ForwardClub feed on Instagram. Self-coaching gave me new purpose and helped me get sober. (I got my first tattoos at 53, too!) I studied to become a certified coach myself and now I love helping midlife women regain their clarity, confidence and motivation to achieve new goals.

Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?

When I personally experienced how powerful coaching is to help women achieve their full potential and manage negative thinking, I really wanted to share it with other women as a coach. Through coaching, I help midlife women prioritize themselves, manage their mindset and understand that it is never too late to try new things.

Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an expert on aging authentically?

As a coach, I empower midlife and older women to explore what they want more of in their life, to understand what’s been holding them back, to celebrate their accomplishments and move forward toward a more fulfilling and joyful life. As a 54-year-old woman, I have reconnected with my authentic self so that I can prioritize new goals that make me happy, regardless of what other people think. I’m proud that I haven’t had any alcohol in almost two years, which keeps me in touch with my thoughts and feelings. (That’s not always easy, but mindset work helps!) I can proclaim my age in an ageist culture, knowing that I’m creating a purposeful and joyful life today and in the years to come. And authenticity (and vulnerability) helps be a better coach, partner, mother, family member and friend.

How do you define authentic aging, and what does it mean to you personally?

I think authentic aging is about taking the time to rediscover what you really want and need in your 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond, and then going after it. (Not what society says you should want.) It’s about learning to care for yourself so that you can share who you really are. Plus, being honest with yourself about what’s boring or not serving you anymore and embracing some discomfort to change it. (It’s worth it!) To me, authentic aging is about embracing and sharing who I am, continuous learning and growth, and taking on new things and adventures that are important to me.

Can you share a story about a significant turning point in your own journey towards embracing aging with grace?

Perimenopause hit me hard at 47 — it really lowered my confidence and boosted my anxiety. The silver lining is that it led me to rethink how I thought about myself. Until then, I had relied heavily on external validation from success at work. Coaching helped me learn that I need to validate myself as a whole person, not just a valuable employee.

So rather than thinking of “aging with grace” as looking elegant and accepting our age, I think of giving ourselves grace and patience as we continue to learn how to be our most authentic selves. (Which could be fun and rebellious and not graceful at all.) There’s a misconception that we should have it all together in midlife, but we are still learning and need to acknowledge the ups and downs, as well as our efforts and wins.

What are some common misconceptions about aging that you believe need to be challenged?

One misconception is that we should have it all together and know exactly what we want and what we’re doing. We shouldn’t feel bad if we’re unclear, but rather feel good about taking time to recalibrate. Another misconception is that our careers and lives are winding down after 50, when there is still plenty of opportunity to do amazing work, pivot, try new things and continue learning. If you consider that the average life span for a woman in Canada is 82, it’s a great reminder that we may have decades ahead to do cool stuff. Don’t wait. Start today — it’s never too late.

How do you balance self-care and societal expectations as you age?

Self-care can mean a lot of different things to different people. Rather than seeking balance — which may or may not be achievable — I think one form of self-care is to decide what successful aging means to you, regardless of societal expectations. For some people that might mean working less rather than taking on more responsibility at work, for example. Or prioritizing creative time rather than keeping the house up to Martha-Stewart standards. Or learning to love what our bodies do for us, rather than focusing on what society says they should look like.

Ok. Here is the main question of our discussion. Can you please share “5 Ways Women Are Redefining Aging Authentically”? If you can, kindly share a story or example for each.

Hmmm, I can’t speak for all women, but I can share some things that I’ve observed…

1. They’re creating and sharing more pro-aging and inspiring stories about women in their 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond. That motivates them and other women to reject the notion of aging as decline. My 50ForwardClub Instagram feed and many other feeds, substacks, podcasts, books and magazines are focusing on the wisdom of older women and celebrating older women who are starting new businesses, writing books, hiking and skydiving… That’s not to say that aging authentically needs to involve a whirlwind of activity. It can also mean embracing a quiet life that reflects what you really want in your later years, rather than what society says you should do.

2. They are rejecting outdated beauty standards. Whether showing off their silver locks or embracing body positivity, many women in their 50s and beyond are celebrating their individual, authentic beauty rather than adhering to youth-obsessed standards. Whatever their style or beauty choices, it’s refreshing to see more older women featured on magazine covers and in advertising campaigns.

3.They are sharing and learning more about the impacts of perimenopause and menopause regarding both physical and mental health. Knowledge is power and I personally know many women who are advocating to get better care and more options than they’ve initially been offered. Authors and podcasters like Dr. Jen Gunter, Omisade Burney-Scott and others are helping to raise awareness.

4.They are taking time to get back in touch with themselves when life feels inauthentic. Many of my 40+ coaching clients reach out to me when they’re feeling stuck, bored or unfulfilled. When they invest time in exploring what a more satisfying and fun life could look like, and how to manage their mindset and actions to get there, it helps them age and live life in a more authentic way.

5. They are focusing on feeling good. Longevity concerns aside, many 40+ women I know are embracing healthier habits not because they should, but because it feels good. I walk every day to boost my mood, for instance, while a friend of mine is drinking less to avoid “hangxiety.” These practices have health benefits, but the focus is on what works for us to lead full, authentic lives.

What advice would you give to women who are struggling to embrace the aging process authentically?

I wouldn’t presume to judge whether a woman is embracing aging authentically or not. However, when /if a coaching client downplays her strengths or says that it’s too late to change, I invite them to explore how misleading thoughts hold them back. (And how to consider more helpful angles or responses.) That kind of self-inquiry can help people become truer and more kind to themselves.

Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)

I’m a big fan of sociologist and life coach Martha Beck, author of The Way of Integrity. I loved her columns in Oprah magazine, because her writing and advice is extremely clear and down to earth. She’s also a great example of someone who lives what they teach.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

They can visit my website at www.coachlisamurphy.com or follow me @coachlisamurphy on Instagram or Facebook, as well as @50ForwardClub on Instagram.

This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!

Thank YOU for the opportunity.

About the Interviewer: Shawna Robins is an international best-selling author of two books — Powerful Sleep — Rest Deeply, Repair Your Brain and Restore Your Life, and Irresistibly Healthy — Simple Strategies to Feel Vibrant, Alive, Healthy and Full of Energy Again. Shawna is the founder and CEO of Third Spark, an online wellness hub for women over 40 who want to reignite their sleep, reset healthier habits and respark their lives. Shawna is a sleep expert, hormone health expert, and a National Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBHWC). She has been featured on many podcasts including Dr. Mindy Pelz’s “The Resetter Podcast” and in Authority Magazine, Thrive Global, and The Huffington Post. A free download of her latest book can be found at www.thirdsparkhealth.com/powerful-sleep/ You can follow her on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.