Erwin Wils Of Millionaire Life Strategy On How Authenticity and Vulnerability Pay Off and Help You Win Personally and Professionally

An Interview With Maria Angelova

When you’re authentic, you only need to be who truly are. You don’t need to pretend to be someone else, just be yourself, so it’s the easiest role you’ll ever “play.”

Being vulnerable and authentic are some of today’s popular buzzwords. It may seem counterintuitive to be vulnerable, as many of us have been taught to project an air of confidence, be a boss, and act like we know everything. In Brene Brown’s words, “vulnerability takes courage.” So is vulnerability a strength or a weakness? Can someone be authentic without being vulnerable? How can being authentic and vulnerable help someone grow both personally and professionally? In this interview series, we are talking to business leaders, mental health professionals and business and life coaches who can share stories and examples of “How Authenticity and Vulnerability Pay Off and Help You Win Personally and Professionally.” As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Erwin Wils.

Wils is a mindset and business strategist at Millionaire Life Strategy. As a Master of Science in Electrical Engineering by education and certified professional hypnotherapist, master Soulkey therapist, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and IEMT (Integral Eye Movement Therapy) practitioner by training, Wils brings 25+ years of experience to show his clients how they can use their talents and expertise to make a positive impact in the world and make a good living doing it. His Profitable Passion Program™ empowers female and tech entrepreneurs to boost their business and themselves so that they can confidently deliver their added value to the world without feeling like an imposter. In January 2023 he launched his “Profitable Passion Inner Circle” community to offer high level coaching for a low-level price, so that he can impact even more people.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

Sure! I’m an only child of two loving and supportive parents and grew up in a small town. I remember mostly that my parents wanted me to be happy and to make my own decisions. I went to a public school, did follow religious lessons, because my parents thought it was important to have knowledge about this and I was allowed to choose whether or not I wanted to follow a certain religion. I participated in two sports (soccer and judo), took several years of swimming lessons (each summer) and did all the things I loved to do. I loved playing with friends, and I could also spend hours playing alone.

I never felt the need to do something simply because everybody did that. My mother smoked, my father sometimes, but I knew it was bad for your health, so I never started smoking. As a teenager, I remember at school parties they served beer and wine (don’t think that’s allowed nowadays!). My friends started drinking beer and offered me a glass. I tasted it and told them it didn’t taste good. They said that that’s normal, but I would get used to it, to which I replied: “If I don’t like it, I don’t need to get used to it.” I never felt the urge to start drinking alcohol, and I still don’t. I guess that’s part of being authentic.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

I love this NLP quote: “The feedback you get is the result of your behavior.” This quote puts you in the driver’s seat, you’re no longer a victim of the circumstances. There is no one to blame but you. When you’re looking for a certain result and the feedback you’re getting is far from that result, you have to change your behavior until you’re getting the result you’re looking for. I do my best to apply this as much as possible. I don’t always succeed in every situation, yet at least in hindsight I learn what went wrong and what I can do better next time.

Let’s say that you would come to me to get rid of your fear of dogs and I would say: “Okay, I’ll put you in a deep trance and start transforming your beliefs.” We start and whatever I’m doing, you’re not going into a deep trance, you stay fully awake and look at me with question marks in your eyes. I might say: “I’m sorry, it’s not working today. Maybe we should make another appointment, or I should refer you to someone else, but you’re just hard to hypnotize.” At that very moment, you would leave my office with two issues; you still have this fear and you’re hard to hypnotize.

When I apply this quote, my reaction would be: “I’m sorry, but I haven’t found the right entrance to put you into a deep trance” and I take full responsibility. By the way, when I’m doing a session, my intention is never to put somebody into a deep trance, my intention is to help the client get rid of their issue and as long as I’m getting the feedback the issue still exists, I need to change my behavior.

Is there a particular book, podcast, or film that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

Yes! That’s “Think and Grow Rich” from best-selling author Napoleon Hill. I know it’s a classic, yet in my opinion a must-read for every teenager. I especially love the quote “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” Since I am a mindset and business strategist, I know the power of the mind and this quote keeps me motivated to stay on track. When you truly believe in your dreams and take action, you will achieve them. You will find a way to make it happen. I have always believed that things happen for a reason and that you get what you deserve, which has always given me a positive focus. When this quote from Napoleon Hill came into my life, my beliefs became even more unshakable.

Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Let’s begin with a definition of terms so that each of us and our readers are on the same page. What exactly does being authentic mean?

For me, being authentic means being your fully self, following your heart instead of your head, not worried what others think of you. I always say that every person is unique, has their own purpose on this earth, has their own talents and the only way to execute that purpose and use those talents the right way, is when someone is fully authentic. At least, that’s my opinion.

What does being vulnerable mean? Can you explain?

My definition of being vulnerable means opening up fully, all guards down. You’re not holding back, no matter the possible consequences. In my coaching role, as well as during my hypnotherapy sessions, I want to create an environment in which my client dares to become vulnerable, so that we can get to the core and I can help them the best. For me that means creating a safe environment, going first, trusting my clients and keeping my promises. And I think I’m doing a good job in that, because I notice people tend to share private things easily with me.

What are the positive aspects of being authentic and vulnerable? Can you give a story or example to explain what you mean?

I would like to mention the aspect separately, because being authentic and being vulnerable aren’t necessarily linked together.

Being authentic means you will become more predictable, and people love that. They truly know who you are, you’re not pretending anything. Remember when Microsoft introduced Microsoft Office back in the nineties and changed the word processing world with their motto “WYSIWYG”: What You See Is What You Get? People loved and embraced it! And it’s the same with being authentic, WYSIWYG. No hidden features, no hidden agendas.

Being vulnerable, that’s actually a sign of strength. When you feel weak or low on self-confidence, you don’t want to show your vulnerability. When you’re confident, feel strong, you have no problem to show it. It is even embedded in your body language. When you feel confident, comfortable, at ease, your body will open up and show your vulnerable parts. When you don’t feel comfortable, you will hide your vulnerable parts. It’s in our nature.

People actually appreciate vulnerability and are more likely to support you. When you ask for help, people are more likely to help you. When you ask for information, people are more likely to give it to you. Thus, making you more successful personally and professionally.

Are there negative aspects to authenticity and vulnerability? Can you give a story or example to explain what you mean?

When you become your true authentic self, you might lose some “friends.” And I put friends between quotation marks, because you can ask yourself if they were true friends. There is this saying, “When you win the lottery, you suddenly have lots of friends.” Sometimes people want to be with you because of the role you fulfil, so they might be able to benefit from that. When you stop playing that role and become your true authentic self, you’ll probably lose those persons.

You can also have a false feeling of being authentic, which means you’re fooling yourself. For instance, I had a huge revelation last year about that. I thought I was being authentic, until the following happened. During a three days seminar, I learned that I lied to myself for years. I thought that I was authentic, and I realized I wasn’t. My wife and I have two adopted sons and I love them. Personally, I had a great relationship with my father, and I wanted to have the same relationship with my boys. Yet the relationship with my oldest had some struggles. And during this seminar I realized that the only way to have the exact same relationship with him as I had with my father, was if I would become my father and he would become me. And I wanted it so badly, that you could say I lost myself. Realizing that was like an epiphany for me. I let this desire go and since then the relationship has improved a lot.

When you’re vulnerable, you run the risk of being misused. Thinking about it, you might distinguish between two states of being vulnerable: coming from a state of confidence, strength, and coming from a state of desperation, survival. When you’re at your wit’s end, you tend to become vulnerable. In that situation, certain people want to take advantage of it and that’s never good. For example, loverboys are using the vulnerability of their victims to follow them. Gold diggers is another category that uses the vulnerability of their victims.

Another negative aspect of being vulnerable, is that it can be interpreted as being weak instead of being human. A lot of men struggle with this. We have been brought up with it: “Big boys don’t cry,” so being vulnerable and showing your emotions is, in most male minds, synonymous with being weak.

From your experience or perspective, what are some of the common barriers that hold someone back from being authentic and vulnerable?

People have built their comfort zones over the years. They got used to it, you’re doing the things you know, so you’re really comfortable. Being authentic and showing your vulnerability can result in stepping out of that comfort zone and that’s difficult for a lot of people.

Next to that, I always say that the subconscious mind has a positive intention, to keep you safe, to take care of you. And the easiest way to realize that, is to keep you in your comfort zone. Because within your comfort zone, everything is known and the results of certain actions are predictable. Getting out of your comfort zone means the result of those actions are uncertain, since it’s new. So you can expect some resistance from the subconscious mind as well when you get out of your comfort zone.

Also don’t forget about the influence of our education system and all the different media that almost brainwash us how we should act, behave, drink, eat, sport, dress up, etcetera. Since we are social animals and want to belong, we do our best to fit in and being accepted. Being authentic and vulnerable might imply giving that up, and that frightens people. What if they don’t like or accept me anymore? What if I lose my job? What if my spouse doesn’t like who I truly am? What if…

Here is the central question of our discussion. What are five ways that being authentic and vulnerable pay off, and help you win, both personally and professionally?

First and most important benefit if you ask me, is when you’re your authentic self, you will attract the clients that like and trust you for who you really are and that need your services. During my coaching sessions, I use this example a lot:

“Imagine a single lady, late 20’s, early 30’s. Her friends are already in a relationship, some of them even have started family, and she also wants a partner. Because, when she finds Prince Charming, it feels like her life is complete. She will be grateful, happy, enjoy life even more, in other words the perfect picture. Yet, as long as she is desperately looking for this Prince Charming, what kind of men is she most likely to attract? Men that are in the market for desperate women! Maybe they are too over-caring, or want to take advantage of her, it’s the typical friend that always comes home with the wrong partner. However, when she can let go of this desperation, be her true authentic self, enjoy life, do the things she loves to do, feel grateful for what she has, she will attract totally different men and probably Prince Charming will be one of them, because he feels attracted to who she truly is.”

Most people can relate to this story, or even name some friends that have been in this situation. But I would like to invite you to focus on the principles behind the story. When you’re pretending to be someone else, you will attract the wrong people. And even when you find yourself in front of someone that might be the right person, he/she will feel you’re pretending. You’re sending out a totally different energy. When you are your true authentic self, you will attract the right people.

Secondly, and I already mentioned this before as a positive aspect, when you’re authentic, you are becoming predictable in a sense that people know what they can expect from you and they like that. What you see is what you get. There is no hidden agenda, you act and react always the same, because you’re authentic, so people know they can count on you.

Another benefit of being authentic and vulnerable, is it hugely strengthens your relationships. Because of the general misconception of being vulnerable is synonym to being weak, the moment you dare to be vulnerable and show your emotions, people will admire you for that and it will strengthen the connections. It will build the congeniality in your relationships.

A fourth benefit of being authentic and vulnerable is it builds trust. You’re setting the example and when you go first, you create an environment in which people feel safe and understand they can be themselves and be vulnerable as well. And people are able to relate what you’re saying, which make them feel even more comfortable. Like the saying “Birds of a feather flock together,” when people can relate to you, they will feel more are ease.

And last, but not least, when you’re authentic, you only need to be who truly are. You don’t need to pretend to be someone else, just be yourself, so it’s the easiest role you’ll ever “play.”

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?

I would love to see a shift in the educational system. Instead of being measured by numbers, averages, etcetera, I would recommend focussing on the talents of our youth and support them in developing those skills. Don’t focus on the things they do wrong, focus on the things they’re great at and put most time and energy on that. When a child is creative, stimulate that! When a child loves to read, great! Maybe even have one child teach the other one how to do things. Give them a solid base and stimulate their strengths.

Is there a person in the world whom you would love to have lunch with, and why? Maybe we can tag them and see what happens!

I would love to have lunch with Sir Richard Branson. I love his mindset, how he sees the talents of people and how he didn’t let his dyslexia limit him.

How can our readers follow you online?

Of course they can visit my website https://www.millionairelifestrategy.com, connect with me on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/erwin-wils or check out my podcast “Follow your Passion” on all major platforms.

Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!

About The Interviewer: Maria Angelova, MBA is a disruptor, author, motivational speaker, body-mind expert, Pilates teacher and founder and CEO of Rebellious Intl. As a disruptor, Maria is on a mission to change the face of the wellness industry by shifting the self-care mindset for consumers and providers alike. As a mind-body coach, Maria’s superpower is alignment which helps clients create a strong body and a calm mind so they can live a life of freedom, happiness and fulfillment. Prior to founding Rebellious Intl, Maria was a Finance Director and a professional with 17+ years of progressive corporate experience in the Telecommunications, Finance, and Insurance industries. Born in Bulgaria, Maria moved to the United States in 1992. She graduated summa cum laude from both Georgia State University (MBA, Finance) and the University of Georgia (BBA, Finance). Maria’s favorite job is being a mom. Maria enjoys learning, coaching, creating authentic connections, working out, Latin dancing, traveling, and spending time with her tribe. To contact Maria, email her at angelova@rebellious-intl.com. To schedule a free consultation, click here.